Films of 1990, Ranked Best to Worst

A list of the films I've seen that were released in 1990 (according to Letterboxd), ranked best to worst.

1. Mountains of the Moon (Bob Rafelson) *****
2. Misery (Rob Reiner) *****
3. Arachnophobia (Frank Marshall) *****
4. Uranus (Claude Berri) *****
5. Europa Europa (Agnieszka Holland) *****
6. Memphis Belle (Michael Caton-Jones) ****1/2
7. Jacob’s Ladder (Adrian Lyne) ****1/2
8. Cry-Baby (John Waters) ****1/2
9. Reversal of Fortune (Barbet Schroeder) ****1/2
10. Frankenstein Unbound (Roger Corman) ****1/2
11. Ghost (Jerry Zucker) ****
12. Night of the Living Dead (Tom Savini) ****
13. Dreams (Akira Kurosawa) ****
14. Lord of the Flies (Harry Hook) ****
15. Postcards from the Edge (Mike Nichols) ****
16. GoodFellas (Martin Scorsese) ****
17. Resident Alien (Jonathan Nossiter) ****
18. Good Evening, Mr. Wallenberg (Kjell Grede) ****
19. Dances with Wolves (Kevin Costner) ****
20. The Civil War (Ken Burns) ****
21. Edward Scissorhands (Tim Burton) ****
22. Flatliners (Joel Schumacher) ****
23. Young Guns II (Geoff Murphy) ****
24. Psycho IV: The Beginning (Mick Garris) ****
25. Awakenings (Penny Marshall) ****
26. The Nasty Girl (Michael Verhoeven) ****
27. Two Evil Eyes (Dario Argento, George A. Romero) ****
28. Call Me Anna (Gilbert Cates) ****
29. The Reflecting Skin (Philip Ridley) ****
30. The Sheltering Sky (Bernardo Bertolucci) ****
31. The Hunt for Red October (John McTiernan) ****
32. Frankenhooker (Frank Henenlotter) ****
33. Quigley Down Under (Simon Wincer) ****
34. The Exorcist III (William Peter Blatty) ****
35. The Evil Cameraman (Richard Kern) ****
36. The Evil Within (Alain Robak) ****
37. Dick Tracy (Warren Beatty) ***1/2
38. Total Recall (Paul Verhoeven) ***1/2
39. The Grifters (Stephen Frears) ***1/2
40. Bride of Re-Animator (Brian Yuzna) ***1/2
41. RoboCop 2 (Irvin Kershner) ***1/2
42. Hardware (Richard Stanley) ***1/2
43. Miller’s Crossing (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen) ***1/2
44. Presumed Innocent (Alan J. Pakula) ***1/2
45. A Shock to the System (Jan Egleson) ***1/2
46. The First Power (Robert Resnikoff) ***1/2
47. Nuns on the Run (Jonathan Lynn) ***1/2
48. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (Jeff Burr) ***1/2
49. Pacific Heights (John Schlesinger) ***
50. Tremors (Ron Underwood) ***
51. Thousand Pieces of Gold (Nancy Kelly) ***
52. Henry & June (Philip Kaufman) ***
53. China O’Brien (Robert Clouse) ***
54. Prisoners of the Sun (Stephen Wallace) ***
55. Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (John Harrison) ***
56. Basket Case 2 (Frank Henenlotter) ***
57. Narrow Margin (Peter Hyams) ***
58. The Krays (Peter Medak) ***
59. Texasville (Peter Bogdanovich) ***
60. Darkman (Sam Raimi) ***
61. Chattahoochee (Mick Jackson) ***
62. La Femme Nikita (Luc Besson) ***
63. Hard to Kill (Bruce Malmuth) ***
64. Maniac Cop 2 (William Lustig) ***
65. Puppet Master II (David Allen) ***
66. It (Tommy Lee Wallace) ***
67. Grim Prairie Tales (Wayne Coe) ***
68. The Godfather: Part III (Francis Ford Coppola) ***
69. Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael (Jim Abrahams) ***
70. Gate II (Tibor Takacs) ***
71. Moon 44 (Roland Emmerich) ***
72. Night Angel (Dominique Othenin-Girard) **1/2
73. Meet the Applegates (Michael Lehmann) **1/2
74. My Blue Heaven (Herbert Ross) **1/2
75. Back to the Future Part III (Robert Zemeckis) **1/2
76. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (Tom Stoppard) **1/2
77. Internal Affairs (Mike Figgis) **1/2
78. Predator 2 (Stephen Hopkins) **1/2
79. The Sleeping Car (Douglas Curtis) **1/2
80. Quick Change (Howard Franklin, Bill Murray) **1/2
81. Nightbreed (Clive Barker) **1/2
82. The Two Jakes (Jack Nicholson) **1/2
83. The Amityville Curse (Tom Berry) **1/2
84. Marked for Death (Dwight H. Little) **1/2
85. Fire Birds (David Green) **1/2
86. Rocky V (John G. Avildsen) **1/2
87. Lionheart (Sheldon Lettich) **1/2
88. Martial Law (Steve Cohen) **1/2
89. China O’Brien II (Robert Clouse) **1/2
90. Xtro 2: The Second Encounter (Harry Bromley Davenport) **1/2
91. The Bonfire of the Vanities (Brian De Palma) **
92. The Rookie (Clint Eastwood) **
93. Air America (Roger Spottiswoode) **
94. Revenge (Tony Scott) **
95. Class of 1999 (Mark L. Lester) **
96. Bloodmoon (Alec Mills) **
97. The Handmaid’s Tale (Volker Schlondorff) **
98. Cadillac Man (Roger Donaldson) **
99. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (Renny Harlin) **
100. The Guardian (William Friedkin) **
101. Home Alone (Chris Columbus) **
102. Bird on a Wire (John Badham) **
103. Joe Versus the Volcano (John Patrick Shanley) **
104. Taking Care of Business (Arthur Hiller) **
105. Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe (Damian Lee) **
106. Betsy’s Wedding (Alan Alda) **
107. Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again (Dick Lowry) **
108. Graveyard Shift (Ralph S. Singleton) **
109. Kiss Napoleon Goodbye (Babeth Mondini) **
110. X Is Y (Richard Kern) **
111. Circuitry Man (Steven Lovy) **
112. Kindergarten Cop (Ivan Reitman) **
113. Children of the Bride (Jonathan Sanger) **
114. The Face of Fear (Farhad Mann) **
115. Blue Steel (Kathryn Bigelow) **
116. The Ambulance (Larry Cohen) *1/2
117. Stanley & Iris (Martin Ritt) *1/2
118. The Haunting of Morella (Jim Wynorski) *1/2
119. I Come in Peace (Craig R. Baxley) *1/2
120. I Love You to Death (Lawrence Kasdan) *1/2
121. Die Hard 2 (Renny Harlin) *
122. Desperate Hours (Michael Cimino) *
123. Wild at Heart (David Lynch) *
124. Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Joe Dante) *
125. Madhouse (Tom Ropelewski) *
126. Another 48 Hrs. (Walter Hill) *
127. Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation (Brian Yuzna) *
128. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Steve Barron) *
129. All the Vermeers in New York (Jon Jost) *
130. Three Men and a Little Lady (Emile Ardolino) *
131. Captain America (Albert Pyun) *
132. Soultaker (Michael Rissi) *
133. Alienator (Fred Olen Ray) *
134. Alice (Woody Allen) *
135. Bullseye! (Michael Winner) *
136. Ghost Dad (Sidney Poitier) *
137. Pretty Woman (Garry Marshall) 1/2*
138. Crystal Force (Laura Keats) 1/2*
139. Meridian (Charles Band) 1/2*
140. Triple Cross (Ackyl Anwari) 1/2*

There's No Escaping How Bad This Film Is: "Amityville: No Escape" (2016)

The Amityville horror films can't be called a "series" anymore. The films mention the original murders and demonic hauntings that started the cycle, but they have so little to do with those events that they must rip off other horror films to scare and entertain. This cheap, short knock-off of "The Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity" fails.

George (Josh Miller) is working on his bullshit college thesis- exploring fear in the lives of himself and some friends. He invites his sister Elizabeth (Allison Egan), his girlfriend Sarah (Joni Durian), friend Simon (Michael William Ralston), and Simon's hippie friend Lisa (Alia Gabrielle Eckhardt) out into the woods near the original Amityville murder house to document and explore "fear"...but wait, there's more! In an entirely different plot, a videotape from 1997 is interspersed throughout the film. In this footage, Lina (Julia Gomez) is documenting the purchase of the exact same Amityville murder house to her military husband, and strange things begin to occur. The group of college students camp out, and some jump scares are attempted. The connection between the two found footage plots is shown at the end of the film, and makes no sense. Luckily, I had stopped laughing at the facial hair on some of the actors to take note of the climax.

I argue that the entire idea of a "found footage" film is nonsensical. There have been some good ones over the years, but there have been more awful ones, even worse than this- "Amber Alert," "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck," and "The Amityville Haunting" come to mind. In this film, plot holes abound. When George starts asking the other cast members what they were most afraid of, you could see the performers' ad-lib improvisation wheels turning. There are no scares, little gore, and zero suspense, aside from wondering how all of this was going to tie together (spoiler alert: not well).

If you are going to riff off actual crimes- horrific crimes that destroyed a family, upended a community, and is still obsessed with decades later- then show some reverence or acknowledgement to what happened aside from a hasty connection mentioned in passing. This is a cheap and unimaginative exploitation of the tragedy, badly written and barely watchable, save for Durian's odd but welcome nude scene. The Amityville collection of films numbers over a dozen today, and there are some intrepid film fans out there who have seen, or are trying to see, all of them. This entry can't rank high on any of their lists. (1/2*) out of five stars.

*Get a physical copy of "Amityville: No Escape" on Amazon here*

Sucks: "An American Vampire Story" (1997)

A disclaimer: the following plot summary is completely accurate and not enhanced on my part- the film is really this bad. Frankie's (Trevor Lissauer) parents leave for Europe for the summer, and he gets the run of their giant L.A. home. His friend, the nerdy Bogie (Danny Hitt), sees this as the perfect opportunity to "party hardy," a term I have not heard used since 1984, and Frankie wants to get closer to his girlfriend Dee Dee (Daisy Torme). One night, Frankie and Bogie meet Moondoggie (Johnny Venokur). Remember, I am not making this up. Moondoggie invites himself to Frankie's house, dropping in with Bruno (Sydney Lassick), Sulka (Carmen Electra), and Katrina (Debra K. Beatty). Bruno begins kidnapping local pets and frying them up for breakfast. Sulka and Katrina keep trying to suck Frankie dry, bloodwise. Hey, these houseguests are vampires! Like a bad episode of "Step by Step" or "Family Matters," Frankie cannot get the vampires out of his house, and his girlfriend eventually leaves him for Moondoggie. Enter the reliably awful Adam West (before "Family Guy" saved his reputation) as The Big Kahuna Van Helsingmeister, vampire killer. You can guess the rest.

The film is awful. The special effects mostly consist of cheap computer animation. The actors are terrible, taking what was once a horror comedy very seriously. Nothing worse than a horror comedy that provides no laughs in addition to its lack of scares. Carmen Electra is in a purely supporting role here as Sulka, despite her prominence on the video box wearing makeup and sporting fangs that are not featured in this film. Asking yourself stupid questions like why Frankie lets the vampires stay, or why doesn't he just kill them, is futile because the writer and director set out to make a mindless film and succeeded. Do not be fooled by the "unrated" version of this, its gore and sex never rise above (PG-13) level. Also known as "American Vampire," this is not just bad, it is painfully bad, and does indeed suck.

*Get a physical copy of "An American Vampire Story" on Amazon here*

Screw This: "American Virgin" (1999)

In order to cash in on the overnight success of actress Mena Suvari, the producers behind this awful film changed the name from "Live Virgin" to "American Virgin," perhaps hoping some poor schmuck out there would mistake this for the Oscar winner or the stupid but financially successful teen sex comedy. They should be ashamed of themselves for filming and releasing this at all. This celluloid nightmare contains a few Oscar alumni who should have known better. Joey (Bob Hoskins) and Ronny (Robert Loggia) are rival middle-aged porn producers. Ronny stole Joey's wife Mitzi (Alexandra Wentworth), so Joey steals Ronny's daughter Katrina (Mena Suvari), so to speak. In order to get back at Daddy, Katrina decides to lose her virginity online courtesy of Joey's money, and a dopey cyber suit that will let subscribers physically feel what Katrina's lover will feel. So far, so bad. I used to rebel by missing curfews, but this is just plain ridiculous.

Not since "Star Wars" has a film careened toward such a breathtaking conclusion, full of hope for the future and love for our fellow man- I'll stop. Esai Morales has a pointless scene as a gay film director who idolizes Ronny. Esai should have stuck around to screen this film, since they spell his first name "Essai" in the opening credits. Loggia and Hoskins spend the entire film yelling the F word at each other. Neither is likable. Director Marois could not frame a decent shot to save his life. I have seen better production values from the local university's broadcasting department's news show on public access. Watch for a scene where Mann gets out of a taxi, and a boom microphone's reflection is clearly visible in the cab's roof. Marois also cowrote the screenplay, perhaps trying to put a satirical screwball spin on the porn world. Too bad no one takes the porn world seriously enough to want to see it skewered by some second rate film maker who hasn't an original thought to put on the screen. Look for porn star Ron Jeremy as a cop, proving once again that all his talent is contained below his waist. "American Virgin" is loud, dumb, and unfunny. Suvari was one of the best things about "American Pie," but here she looks embarrassed. She should be. (1/2 *) out of five stars.

*Get a physical copy of "American Virgin" on Amazon here*

Fortunate Viewer: "American Son" (2008)

One can naturally assume that Neil Abramson's "American Son" is going to be yet another in a long line of Hollywood anti-military films. Thanks to a sensitive screenplay and excellent performances, that assumption is soon forgotten.

Mike (Nick Cannon) is home in Bakersfield, California from basic training in the Marine Corps. He has four days of leave before being shipped off to Iraq, an assignment he keeps from his friends and family. As luck would have it, he meets Cristina (Melonie Diaz) on the bus home, and the two begin a quick and tentative relationship. At home, Mike's life is about the same. He still doesn't get along with his stepfather Dale (Tom Sizemore), but loves his mother (April Grace) and half-sister (Arika Gluck). Mike's older brother is lost to drugs and crime, and his father Eddie (Chi McBride) still seems to smart from his divorce from Mike's mother as well as his fatherly failings. Mike's best friend Jake (Matt O'Leary) is both using and dealing drugs, and is still angry with Mike over his absence. Mike treads carefully around Cristina's cautious family, wanting to tell her about where he is being stationed, and doing things like meeting Junior (Jay Hernandez), an injured former soldier, weighs on him.

The screenplay, written by Eric Schmid, from a story by Schmid and director Abramson, is a series of often disjointed scenes taking place during the ninety-six hours Mike is home- the occasional onscreen countdown is both sad and necessary. Mike does try to cut loose, but he still wants to get as close to Cristina as possible, while dealing with the drama of the friends and family he left behind. While the screenplay is nicely paced, I have seen a lot of these characters before in other films. A boring four days' leave would have made for a boring film, but Schmid sometimes over-plots the story. Mike's reasoning for not telling anyone about Iraq is also never satisfyingly explained. Much to his credit, Schmid doesn't drag out the soapbox to deliver any speeches about the errors of war. Schmid doesn't get preachy, letting his characters' reactions and worries come through all the better. Abramson's direction is fantastic. His use of actual locations works, and the working class is rarely presented so realistically. I'll state right away that this is Nick Cannon's best performance. I only know him from television work, but his acting is effortless and sympathetic. The entire cast is perfect. O'Leary is sad and scary as Jake, Sizemore is understated as Dale, and Grace is stoic as Donna, Mike's mother. In smaller roles, both McBride and Hernandez shine. Diaz' Cristina is beautiful and intelligent, and her relationship with Mike is believable. "American Son" is a small film that doesn't come from either the left or the right. It is like a snapshot of four days that thousands of young men and women replay across the country for decades. The title couldn't be more appropriate. (* * * *) out of five stars.

*Get a physical copy of "American Son" on Amazon here*

American Crap: "American Pop" (1981)

"American Pop" is Ralph Bakshi's best film and that's not saying much considering this man also assaulted me with "Fritz the Cat," the animated "The Lord of the Rings," "Wizards," and the really awful "Hey Good Lookin'."

The story follows four generations of a Russian immigrant family, and their cosmic involvement in their respective worlds of popular music. Jimmy is a vaudevillian who gets shot in the throat in WWI and must manage the career of his singer wife. He also gets involved with the mob thanks to prohibition. His son, Benny, is a piano genius who is killed is WWII. Benny's son is the misfit Tony, who we follow from the Beat generation to a drug induced 1970's. Tony's one night stand product, Pete, continues the drug trade, but can belt out one mean tune in the punk rock late 1970's.

Bakshi's animation consisted of tracing live action onto film as animated subjects. This makes for some really jerky scenes, although not on the headache inducing level of his earlier work. There are a few places where the work is downright interesting, like Tony's acid trip and eventual fall from a stage, and Pete's dancelike movements as he delivers his drugs to his customers. Bakshi's biggest mistake is using well known songs in the soundtrack, and attributing them to these cartoon characters. Pete writes "Night Moves." Benny comes up with "As Time Goes By" after stealing the riff from a hobo. Tony wrote "Somebody to Love." I found this angle of the film irritating. It is not like no one has ever heard of these songs, and would be fooled. It seems as if the film makers were too lazy to come up with their own material (like many "karaoke musicals," as I call them, nowadays), and the songwriters and publishing houses were too eager to sell their stuff for a quick buck. Since the entire film consists of this one family coming up with all the great songs, toss any suspense out the window as to what each generation is going to accomplish. Bakshi is also obsessed with the illegal drug culture in the final half of the film. What is this, "Panic in Needle Park"? Watching cartoon characters shooting heroin is bizarre but pointless. I ask the same question I ask of some of Bakshi's other work, specifically "Hey Good Lookin'," why did he animate this? Why didn't he shoot this with live actors? The animation, while interesting, is completely unwarranted.

In the end, "American Pop" is as homogenized and half baked as much of the music coming out today. "American Pop" has left the building, don't bring it back next year. (* 1/2) out of five stars.

*Get a physical copy of "American Pop" on Amazon here*

This One Time, I Watched a Terrible Comedy: "American Pie Presents Band Camp" (2005)

The stupid little brother (Tad Hilgenbrink) of the stupid character Stifler from the stupid theatrical films goes to band camp, wreaking havoc and causing mayhem, because the film makers decided you're too stupid to want laughs from a stupid comedy. This is one of the worst comedies I have ever seen, and I sat through "Beer for My Horses." I hated all the characters, the story is predictable, and the lead character is a borderline sociopath who never should have had an entire film resting on his misadventures. Repulsive and sad, your level of enjoyment might depend on how funny you find the word "stiff" and all its incarnations. The first of a handful of direct-to-video stories, I wish they would give the entire franchise a rest. (1/2 *) out of five stars.

Contains some physical violence, strong profanity, strong female nudity, male nudity, sexual content, very strong sexual references, strong adult situations, alcohol use

*Get a physical copy of "American Pie Presents Band Camp" on Amazon here*

I Want to Defect: "American Pie" (1999)

Hi, welcome to another negative review of a beloved film. "American Pie" breaks all the rules, an explicit sex comedy that was a huge hit despite a then no-name cast and freshman director and writer. What else? This has no laughs, at all.

Four completely unbelievable high school boys decide to help each other lose their virginity before prom- no, not THAT way. Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) is dating Vicky (Tara Reid), but cannot bring himself to say "I love you." Finch (Eddie Kay Thomas) takes a cerebral approach to gettin' some, hoping a rumor he starts himself will get him a mate. Oz (Chris Klein) joins the jazz choir and meets Heather (Mena Suvari), but finds himself falling in love with her instead. The main character, Jim (Jason Biggs), is so desperate to have sex he pleasures himself with the title pastry and inadvertently posts his first humiliating sexual experience with a foreign exchange student on the internet. None of the high school students seem to have parents, except one guy's mom who ends up in bed with Kevin. Jim has the walking embarrassment Eugene Levy as his dad.

Levy was singled out favorably for a performance that is anything but funny. As a matter of fact, none of this is funny. I smiled at the beginning because Biggs was trying to see some scrambled porn while "wearing" a tube sock when his parents walk in. Other than that, nothing. Klein and Suvari have nice chemistry, and almost make this film half way watchable. While their romance borders on cute and sweet, it is still simplistic and stunted. I saw more loving emotions on "Family Matters" after Urkel hit puberty. I do not believe dumbing down my comedic tastes would have made this any better. I do not think a guy drinking a beer with sperm in it is funny. I do not think a guy running into a girls' restroom in an emergency because he was slipped a laxative is funny. I do not think a nine year old kid jumping on a bed and saying the "F" word over and over again is funny. I do not think this film is funny. Adam Herz's script is just "Porky's" turned up to its most disgusting degree. The characters' actions make little sense, and are put on screen to get the cheapest of laughs. Shannon Elizabeth's masturbation scene is a low point in this young woman's career but I have not seen the direct sequels, either, although the "Band Camp" direct-to-video entry is even worse than this. Paul Weitz directs this as if his master plan was to drain all the energy out of every scene he pointed his camera at. On the other side of the camera, Tara Reid is five years older than Thomas Ian Nicholas, and looks it. The rest of the male cast is so interchangeable, I had to study the end credits to get character names right.

After years of hype, "American Pie" does not live up to even the lowest expectation I held for this- is it too much to ask for at least ONE laugh from a comedy? (*) out of five stars.

*Get a physical copy of "American Pie" on Amazon here*