Is This Necessary?

This article was an offshoot of a recent book review I wrote. It started as notes in my deep read notebook, and then took a life of its own:

“When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top— credit for the good deed or a favor in return?”- Marcus Aurelius

“If you seek tranquillity, do less.” Or (more accurately) do what’s essential—what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, “Is this necessary?” But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well. To eliminate the unnecessary actions that follow.”- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

"For the Christian, every trial, every problem can be a useful experience to build his faith, his confidence, his hope, his happiness...if he faces it by relying on the Holy Spirit.- Fritz Ridenour, How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious


It was by chance that I read the three quotations above on the same day, and thought through a connection between them. Not only is "is this necessary?" a profound question to ask yourself, but you must pause to remember to ask it, instead of chalking up a decision to chance or whimsy. Asking over a simple choice makes harder decisions easier to discern and understand. You might still make a "bad" decision, but you'll be able to justify your decision-making process to others who question or disagree. You might understand why they felt they were right, or you can explain why an unpopular decision actually worked. I want to do better in keeping the "is this necessary?" question in my head, especially concerning helping support my family and better self-care, but also in my quest to build my faith.

"Vacations are necessary, relaxing and free time are necessary, replacing my broken stove is necessary- right?" I agree. One person's necessity may be different from another, but be careful in assuming the eight hours you spend on your phone or in front of your television, while ignoring your family, is necessary. Calling everything you do necessary, as long as you aren't sinning, is a dangerous habit. Deciding to rant online about your obnoxious neighbor may not be necessary, the question doesn't just apply to physical things in our lives. Instead of watching the new "Matlock" reboot starring Kathy Bates (I'll argue the necessity of that all day long), maybe play with your kids, read a book, or go for a walk? Pray? Read your Bible? When I'm alone in the house with children in school, and my wife and infant are napping (also a necessity!), I'll shut off the TV or computer, put the phone down (but not on silent in case a school needs to get ahold of me), and sit. I'm trying to teach myself to meditate, but as of now, I can feel the stress leave me by listening to the quiet around me for a few minutes. I am also trying to go for more walks on a whim instead of a hardcore scheduling ritual that I need to beat myself up over if it's raining outside or my baby son is overtired and wants to be held. Is getting mad at myself over a stagnant weight loss effort, or the weather, necessary? Uh, no, but standing out on our back deck and watching the rain fall is necessary to me. Cutting down on distractions also tends to cut down on getting distracted. I don't watch any sports anymore. We have no streaming services, cable, or satellite television. We own a thousand movies on disc and digital, I have a few hundred books I want to read, and the only television station we watch consistently is MeTV over the air, and some programming on YouTube. We literally pay zero dollars for television content, and trust me, the calm we feel about that alone is immeasurable.

Ridenour says challenges teach patience, and patience strengthens character- turn life's trials into something positive. Combine this thought with Marcus Aurelius'- how many of our challenges are due to us not asking "is this necessary?" We can work through our challenges with God's help, we shouldn't stop praying and try to handle troubles on our own, but we can use our knowledge of God's love for us to help answer the question. We wouldn't need to ask "is this necessary?" if the situation involves sin. We have been given a great gift that we don't deserve because of God's grace, so questioning whether we should commit a sin shouldn't require analysis or a second thought. Have God help you when you're undecided or troubled- "is this necessary?"- let Him show you that yes or no, He loves you and wants to help, especially when you subconsciously know the answer.

*Get a physical copy of How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious on Amazon here*
*Get a copy of The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman on Amazon here*

Charles T. Tatum, Jr. (2024)