I am not familiar with the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and their hardship-and-miracle laden trek from the American Midwest to Utah in the 1850's, but I did find some merit with this scattershot film.
Levi Savage (Jasen Wade, looking like a lost Hemsworth brother) is one of 500 people who must walk to "Zion" (Salt Lake, Utah) using nothing but handcarts for their possessions. This group of Mormon pioneers features many families from Europe, and Savage himself is anxious to get back to see the son he had to leave behind years before to go on a church mission. Savage warns of the harsh trip, he witnessed the aftermath of the Donner party's failure, but he is rebuffed and quietly follows orders. The title comes from different divine miracles the poor travelers were involved in. They run the gamut from found food to people rising from the dead. An opening credit full of honesty tells us that the screenwriter combined two different treks into one story, and I assume some of the characters are fictional and/or combinations as well.
This odd credit gives way to an oddly constructed film. There is too much repetition, as Savage is shouted down in the most polite manner, followed by a miracle. The families didn't differentiate from one another, and Savage's behavior around a woman he has a crush on is cringe-worthy, and not in a romantic comedy kind of way. An emotional focus is only found in the final twenty minutes of the film, and this does include one of the most detailed "whatever happened to?" codas ever produced. The real strength here is writer/director T.C. Christensen's camera. He directs the scenes well, covering for a limited budget (no way are there 500 extras milling around in the background) nicely. The makeup done on the slowly starving pioneer folk is top notch. Christensen's cinematography is breathtaking. The film is crystal clear and beautifully lit, with appropriately harsh winter scenes that gave me literal chills (I'm a North Dakotan, I's knows abouts the cold winters). Pessimists might argue that one major missing miracle is the assurance that all the travelers would arrive alive, and this bothered me, too.
"17 Miracles" is mild and nice to look at, and Wade rises above the rest of the cast, aside from Travis Eberhard as an overly adorable little person. No harm comes from watching this film. (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "17 Miracles" on Amazon here*
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
Tuesday, January 30, 2024
Eat Me: "The 13th Warrior" (1999)
Loosely based on Michael Crichton's novel "Eaters of the Dead," this is a triumph in the pre-gun action film genre.
Antonio Banderas plays Arab Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan who joins up with twelve Viking warriors recruited to fight what seems to be a band of cannibalistic monsters who are wiping out whole villages in the Norse land. Along the way, Ibn Fahdlan learns the language and begins to help the warriors, who doubt his fighting abilities because of his small horse and smaller sword. After repelling an attack, the warriors decide to track the cannibals back to their cave, where they kill a priestess. After making it back to their adopted village, they wait for the climactic, gory, and vengeful battle.
I think I liked this movie so much because it jumped feet first into the mayhem, and yet kept the picture centered around Ibn Fahdlan and the warriors. "Jurassic Park III," which I viewed the same day as this, jumped into the mayhem, but then started killing characters off so fast, you did not care. Here, Banderas provides a solid anchor to the film, and his compatriots are very likeable. Another plus: no forced romance. Banderas has a purely physical fling, but we do not have a Viking fall in love with a cannibal (ouch!) or Banderas discovering his paramour in his saddlebag at the battle so she can prove even women can fight people eaters. The story is very straightforward, think of it as a remake of "The Magnificent Seven" crossed with "Quest for Fire." Another plus is the fact that the Vikings do not suddenly invent the world's first grenade or a machine gun that shoots horse dung. They have swords and arrows. They fight with swords and arrows. The location filming in British Columbia is breathtaking. The movie is very cloudy, dark, and grim, and this works. Jerry Goldsmith's score enhanced the creepiness of every scene, and McTiernan proves he could direct some excellent action films that have more behind them than just explosions (like the first "Die Hard", although avoid "Nomads").
I think the studio marketing department screwed up this film. I expected a weak comedy about peace lover Banderas trying not to fight in a war. The ad campaign never mentioned who the enemy was, or even what time period this took place in. I think action and Crichton fans will be impressed with "The 13th Warrior." I know I was. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The 13th Warrior" on Amazon here*
Antonio Banderas plays Arab Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan who joins up with twelve Viking warriors recruited to fight what seems to be a band of cannibalistic monsters who are wiping out whole villages in the Norse land. Along the way, Ibn Fahdlan learns the language and begins to help the warriors, who doubt his fighting abilities because of his small horse and smaller sword. After repelling an attack, the warriors decide to track the cannibals back to their cave, where they kill a priestess. After making it back to their adopted village, they wait for the climactic, gory, and vengeful battle.
I think I liked this movie so much because it jumped feet first into the mayhem, and yet kept the picture centered around Ibn Fahdlan and the warriors. "Jurassic Park III," which I viewed the same day as this, jumped into the mayhem, but then started killing characters off so fast, you did not care. Here, Banderas provides a solid anchor to the film, and his compatriots are very likeable. Another plus: no forced romance. Banderas has a purely physical fling, but we do not have a Viking fall in love with a cannibal (ouch!) or Banderas discovering his paramour in his saddlebag at the battle so she can prove even women can fight people eaters. The story is very straightforward, think of it as a remake of "The Magnificent Seven" crossed with "Quest for Fire." Another plus is the fact that the Vikings do not suddenly invent the world's first grenade or a machine gun that shoots horse dung. They have swords and arrows. They fight with swords and arrows. The location filming in British Columbia is breathtaking. The movie is very cloudy, dark, and grim, and this works. Jerry Goldsmith's score enhanced the creepiness of every scene, and McTiernan proves he could direct some excellent action films that have more behind them than just explosions (like the first "Die Hard", although avoid "Nomads").
I think the studio marketing department screwed up this film. I expected a weak comedy about peace lover Banderas trying not to fight in a war. The ad campaign never mentioned who the enemy was, or even what time period this took place in. I think action and Crichton fans will be impressed with "The 13th Warrior." I know I was. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The 13th Warrior" on Amazon here*
Crank Yankers: "eXposed: The Making of a Legend" (2005)
What a great idea for a mockumentary! Thirty-nine actors, two directors, and a lot of lubricant gather for a two week location shoot. The film being lensed is "Buckleroos," a four hour gay porn western about a mysterious man in black and a magical belt buckle that attracts hot men to the wearer- except "Buckleroos" is a real film, and "eXposed: The Making of a Legend" is no behind-the-scenes mockumentary.
Directors Jerry Douglas and John Rutherford have scheduled an almost three week shoot -a lifetime in porn standards- and have flown cast and crew to a working ranch near Sacramento, California. The two main leads in the film are Dean Phoenix and Marcus Iron, with gay porn legend Zak Spears in the non-sex role of the man in black. The viewer is treated to a long behind the scenes feature like many you find on mainstream DVDs today. Except this film is different.
Sure, mr. Pam's (AKA Pam Dore) giggling is a little distracting and we do get a lot of mutual admiration societies going from both cast and crew, but how many of you have been on a gay porn shoot?...okay, you, put your hand down...anyone else? Most straight porn behind the scenes featurettes feature just more sex, with visibly bored chain smoking crew members waiting for lunch to be called. Here, mr. Pam gets in the cast and crew's faces -and crotches- and we see how they really are. Dean Phoenix is so cute and charismatic, he could easily be doing mainstream films. Zak Spears is a deep voiced combination of Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson, a perfect action star. Two guys playing Mormon missionaries are here, and despite their interviews you would swear they were no older than fifteen. We get to meet the lone straight crew member, who helps actors "prepare" for their scenes just by standing next to them. There is actor Ricky Martinez, so proud of his manhood that it is jutting out of his shorts at full attention during his entire interview. The cast also includes a landscape designer, a former Pentecostal minister, and a law student- a very witty guy named Brad Benton, better known as Dylan Vox. Actual suspense is generated- they tell people who ask that they are shooting a blue jeans commercial, explaining away sweaty shirtless guys running around in 103 degree heat on public highways. A wave of food poisoning strikes the set on the last day of shooting. The film ends at "Buckleroos"'s triumph at the GayVN Awards (gay porn's Oscars) months later. The film is full of nude men sporting and rubbing their erections. It is a gay porn shoot, after all. Mr. Pam does a great job of editing together both revealing interviews and what it takes to shoot sex and dialogue scenes. I would have liked to see more on Douglas' script (how do you write gay porn?) and the marketing of the film, since gay porn is an even smaller niche than straight porn. The timing between the debut of "Buckleroos" and "Brokeback Mountain" seems coincidental, the Oscar nominated film is not even mentioned here.
"eXposed: The Making of a Legend" is not your everyday behind the scenes featurette that I rarely watch on DVDs nowadays. There is actual care going into the production of "Buckleroos," which is almost refreshing considering Hollywood's latest slump. Hey, studio execs! A four hour film shot in three weeks! Can you wrap your minds around that? (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "eXposed: The Making of a Legend" on Amazon here*
Directors Jerry Douglas and John Rutherford have scheduled an almost three week shoot -a lifetime in porn standards- and have flown cast and crew to a working ranch near Sacramento, California. The two main leads in the film are Dean Phoenix and Marcus Iron, with gay porn legend Zak Spears in the non-sex role of the man in black. The viewer is treated to a long behind the scenes feature like many you find on mainstream DVDs today. Except this film is different.
Sure, mr. Pam's (AKA Pam Dore) giggling is a little distracting and we do get a lot of mutual admiration societies going from both cast and crew, but how many of you have been on a gay porn shoot?...okay, you, put your hand down...anyone else? Most straight porn behind the scenes featurettes feature just more sex, with visibly bored chain smoking crew members waiting for lunch to be called. Here, mr. Pam gets in the cast and crew's faces -and crotches- and we see how they really are. Dean Phoenix is so cute and charismatic, he could easily be doing mainstream films. Zak Spears is a deep voiced combination of Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson, a perfect action star. Two guys playing Mormon missionaries are here, and despite their interviews you would swear they were no older than fifteen. We get to meet the lone straight crew member, who helps actors "prepare" for their scenes just by standing next to them. There is actor Ricky Martinez, so proud of his manhood that it is jutting out of his shorts at full attention during his entire interview. The cast also includes a landscape designer, a former Pentecostal minister, and a law student- a very witty guy named Brad Benton, better known as Dylan Vox. Actual suspense is generated- they tell people who ask that they are shooting a blue jeans commercial, explaining away sweaty shirtless guys running around in 103 degree heat on public highways. A wave of food poisoning strikes the set on the last day of shooting. The film ends at "Buckleroos"'s triumph at the GayVN Awards (gay porn's Oscars) months later. The film is full of nude men sporting and rubbing their erections. It is a gay porn shoot, after all. Mr. Pam does a great job of editing together both revealing interviews and what it takes to shoot sex and dialogue scenes. I would have liked to see more on Douglas' script (how do you write gay porn?) and the marketing of the film, since gay porn is an even smaller niche than straight porn. The timing between the debut of "Buckleroos" and "Brokeback Mountain" seems coincidental, the Oscar nominated film is not even mentioned here.
"eXposed: The Making of a Legend" is not your everyday behind the scenes featurette that I rarely watch on DVDs nowadays. There is actual care going into the production of "Buckleroos," which is almost refreshing considering Hollywood's latest slump. Hey, studio execs! A four hour film shot in three weeks! Can you wrap your minds around that? (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "eXposed: The Making of a Legend" on Amazon here*
Oh, Deer: "13th Child" (2002)
Southern New Jersey is the location of a scourge that was sweeping the country, maiming everyone in its path- microbudget horror films shot on video.
New Jersey state attorney general Murphy (Lesley-Anne Down) sends underling Kathryn (Michelle Maryk) on an assignment. Twenty years earlier, Murphy's father was lost in the woods while looking for local mythic monster "The Jersey Devil" with his police partner Riley (Robert Guillaume), who went nuts after that night and now mutilated body parts are turning up in the woods today. The Jersey Devil has been in the woods for over two hundred years, the thirteenth child of a shaman who is avenging his death using shape-shifting abilities. Kathryn meets with park ranger Ron (Christopher Atkins) and NYPD cop on special duty Mitch (Gano Grills). Kathryn and Ron may have been involved once, but that subplot is not pursued. They visit with the mysterious Mr. Stroud (Cliff Robertson), who knows more about the Jersey Devil than he is letting on. Kathryn conducts her investigation as local townsfolk end up killed, or scared out of their minds at seeing the giant creature lurking in the woods.
Oscar winner Cliff Robertson? former teen heartthrob Christopher Atkins? Emmy winner Robert Guillaume? Golden Globe nominee Lesley-Anne Down? What are these name actors doing in this goofy slop? Robertson's name is also on the writing credits, let's hope he was not responsible for Stroud's sleep-inducing conversations with Kathryn. The writers may have thought Stroud's ability to quote from the dictionary was menacing or eccentric, but it's dumb. Atkins as Ron is not given anything to do since he is a supporting character to Maryk's Kathryn. Robert Guillaume is at a loss as Riley. The screenwriters jump back and forth in time, which confuses the viewer. Has Riley been locked away in the asylum all along? Why does the Devil choose now to kill all these people? The gore effects are okay, some of them are real. According to the end credits, actual roadkill deer were used in many scenes. How would you like to be that guy on set?: "Okay, Ted, put a hook through the dead animal's haunches, then tear the carcass in half, and baggie up the innards for the next shot..." The direction is okay for shot-on-video- the Devil itself looks like a walking coat rack, and the directors wisely keep the monster in the dark through the whole film. The number of false endings is ridiculous, there is even dialogue over the final credits.
The scariest aspect of this film (full title: "13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil Volume 1") was the threat of a Volume 2 that never materialized. Stay out of the southern New Jersey pine woods, and stay away from this film. (1/2 *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "13th Child" on Amazon here*
New Jersey state attorney general Murphy (Lesley-Anne Down) sends underling Kathryn (Michelle Maryk) on an assignment. Twenty years earlier, Murphy's father was lost in the woods while looking for local mythic monster "The Jersey Devil" with his police partner Riley (Robert Guillaume), who went nuts after that night and now mutilated body parts are turning up in the woods today. The Jersey Devil has been in the woods for over two hundred years, the thirteenth child of a shaman who is avenging his death using shape-shifting abilities. Kathryn meets with park ranger Ron (Christopher Atkins) and NYPD cop on special duty Mitch (Gano Grills). Kathryn and Ron may have been involved once, but that subplot is not pursued. They visit with the mysterious Mr. Stroud (Cliff Robertson), who knows more about the Jersey Devil than he is letting on. Kathryn conducts her investigation as local townsfolk end up killed, or scared out of their minds at seeing the giant creature lurking in the woods.
Oscar winner Cliff Robertson? former teen heartthrob Christopher Atkins? Emmy winner Robert Guillaume? Golden Globe nominee Lesley-Anne Down? What are these name actors doing in this goofy slop? Robertson's name is also on the writing credits, let's hope he was not responsible for Stroud's sleep-inducing conversations with Kathryn. The writers may have thought Stroud's ability to quote from the dictionary was menacing or eccentric, but it's dumb. Atkins as Ron is not given anything to do since he is a supporting character to Maryk's Kathryn. Robert Guillaume is at a loss as Riley. The screenwriters jump back and forth in time, which confuses the viewer. Has Riley been locked away in the asylum all along? Why does the Devil choose now to kill all these people? The gore effects are okay, some of them are real. According to the end credits, actual roadkill deer were used in many scenes. How would you like to be that guy on set?: "Okay, Ted, put a hook through the dead animal's haunches, then tear the carcass in half, and baggie up the innards for the next shot..." The direction is okay for shot-on-video- the Devil itself looks like a walking coat rack, and the directors wisely keep the monster in the dark through the whole film. The number of false endings is ridiculous, there is even dialogue over the final credits.
The scariest aspect of this film (full title: "13th Child: The Legend of the Jersey Devil Volume 1") was the threat of a Volume 2 that never materialized. Stay out of the southern New Jersey pine woods, and stay away from this film. (1/2 *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "13th Child" on Amazon here*
Q&A: "10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" (2006)
Documentary filmmaker Rick Ray was given forty-five minutes, and a limit of ten questions, with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.
Instead of going the safe route of filming the interview, Ray does a brief recap of the tumultuous life of the religious leader, comparing his stature among his people as equal to Jesus Christ residing in the White House. The Dalai Lama is in exile in northern India, and to prepare for the interview, Ray immerses himself in the Buddhist experience, travelling across the country and encountering the poorest citizens along the way. China has been brutal to the country of Tibet in the past few decades after invading and conquering it with little resistance, turning it into a cheesy tourist attraction for its people, and one question that is bothering Ray is "when is non-violence no longer an option?"
By the time Ray sits down for the interview, he decides to cover many other wide-ranging topics: why do the poor seem happier than the rich, how important is the preservation of culture and religion, what can a Far East Buddhist leader do about the tumult in the Middle East, and the Dalai Lama's similarities to another pacifist- India's Gandhi.
The Dalai Lama is a very soft-spoken and intelligent man, answering the questions without condescending to Ray. I like that in the face of the evils of the Khmer Rouge, or Hitler, you can practice non-violence but still protect oneself from immediate physical threat. You don't have to be a pushover. Likewise when dealing with China. The Dalai Lama says to engage the Chinese, not isolate them. He saw first-hand what the overpopulated country is capable of when dealing with his former country. As in politics, some religious people suffer from selfishness, which can taint one's outlook on the world. He also mentions overpopulation, preferring quality of life to quantity. He would know, dealing with two of the most populous nations on the planet.
Ray gets great use out of archive footage, and sometimes shows the Dalai Lama in a less than favorable light. He doesn't trash the leader, but he does mention the initial capitulation to China, and even some trivial facts like how the Dalai Lama doesn't like festivals that center around and praise him. Ray has made a few documentaries from different locales in the world, and this experience helps this film. It is more than a filmed audience, and more than a breathless sanitized travelogue. Not enumerating the questions and walking the viewer through them helps, letting the Dalai Lama get his points across uninterrupted. I also liked the honesty of the Dalai Lama's personal secretary.
"10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" is a fresh look at a subject who has been covered by too many basic cable television biography shows in the past. If it makes the viewer want to know more about the man and the movement, then it has done its job. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" on Amazon here*
Instead of going the safe route of filming the interview, Ray does a brief recap of the tumultuous life of the religious leader, comparing his stature among his people as equal to Jesus Christ residing in the White House. The Dalai Lama is in exile in northern India, and to prepare for the interview, Ray immerses himself in the Buddhist experience, travelling across the country and encountering the poorest citizens along the way. China has been brutal to the country of Tibet in the past few decades after invading and conquering it with little resistance, turning it into a cheesy tourist attraction for its people, and one question that is bothering Ray is "when is non-violence no longer an option?"
By the time Ray sits down for the interview, he decides to cover many other wide-ranging topics: why do the poor seem happier than the rich, how important is the preservation of culture and religion, what can a Far East Buddhist leader do about the tumult in the Middle East, and the Dalai Lama's similarities to another pacifist- India's Gandhi.
The Dalai Lama is a very soft-spoken and intelligent man, answering the questions without condescending to Ray. I like that in the face of the evils of the Khmer Rouge, or Hitler, you can practice non-violence but still protect oneself from immediate physical threat. You don't have to be a pushover. Likewise when dealing with China. The Dalai Lama says to engage the Chinese, not isolate them. He saw first-hand what the overpopulated country is capable of when dealing with his former country. As in politics, some religious people suffer from selfishness, which can taint one's outlook on the world. He also mentions overpopulation, preferring quality of life to quantity. He would know, dealing with two of the most populous nations on the planet.
Ray gets great use out of archive footage, and sometimes shows the Dalai Lama in a less than favorable light. He doesn't trash the leader, but he does mention the initial capitulation to China, and even some trivial facts like how the Dalai Lama doesn't like festivals that center around and praise him. Ray has made a few documentaries from different locales in the world, and this experience helps this film. It is more than a filmed audience, and more than a breathless sanitized travelogue. Not enumerating the questions and walking the viewer through them helps, letting the Dalai Lama get his points across uninterrupted. I also liked the honesty of the Dalai Lama's personal secretary.
"10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" is a fresh look at a subject who has been covered by too many basic cable television biography shows in the past. If it makes the viewer want to know more about the man and the movement, then it has done its job. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "10 Questions for the Dalai Lama" on Amazon here*
I Got Repunishered: "The Punisher" (2004)
Much like the 1989 version, the first half hour of this Punisher incarnation does not work.
Frank Castle is now an undercover special agent, Travolta can't get a handle on his character, the musical score is laughable, and the screenplay takes a few too many conveniences. Unlike the 1989 version, things calm down as the film finds its bearings and introduces a couple of odd villains straight out of an old action film from thirty years previous. It improves, but doesn't stick the landing.
Frank Castle (Thomas Jane, looking a lot like Christopher Lambert) is a special agent who can handle any situation. He and his family are being sent to London after his "one last assignment" where the son of big-time mobster Saint (John Travolta) is killed. Saint, and his right-hand man Glass (Will Patton), has his revenge, killing Castle's entire extended family, and leaving Castle for dead. Castle is nursed back to health, and rents a seedy apartment in a building populated by love interest Joan (Rebecca Romijn), Bumpo (John Pinette), and Spacker Dave (Ben Foster). From there, he starts a campaign to get back at Saint and his own family.
From the opening sequence, I thought director/co-writer Hensleigh might be going in a different direction with the Punisher character by having him use disguises to infiltrate Saint's vast criminal empire. Castle does use his smarts to play Saint's inner circle against each other, but also kills without prejudice in some overly elaborate action set-pieces, including a very convoluted finale. Castle does get the tar beat out of him many times, he's not immortal. My favorite supporting characters were two hitmen sent by Saint- Harry Heck (Mark Collie) and The Russian (Kevin Nash). Their scenes were exciting, the characters were bizarre, and all the planning Castle goes through still doesn't prepare him for either one. I read Hensleigh was hamstrung by a smaller budget, but I liked a lot of his direction. The Punisher's infamous skull T-shirt finally makes an appearance after a much-maligned absence in the 1989 version.
Jane is good as Frank, not playing him as a mono-syllabic killing machine. He's still human and lost his entire family, wearing his pain well. Travolta tries to chew the scenery here and there, but I often thought he was playing Saint way too nice. Not menacingly nice, just pleasant. His outbursts at what Frank is doing to him, as well as his home life situation (which he doesn't know Frank also has a hand in) aren't portrayed well. I thought Saint should have been more like Glass, Will Patton can do dangerous characters very well. Frank's trio of weirdo neighbors are okay, as are his family, but no one is given too much out of a hurried screenplay that sometimes forgot it was supposed to be a revenge action drama. If you ever thought a film couldn't waste Roy Scheider, you haven't seen this movie yet.
There was an unrated, extended version of this released, and a proposed sequel never materialized. Followed by yet another reboot, but I don't have that in my physical media collection. This Punisher is a vast improvement over the first filmed story. (* * *) out of five stars.
-Contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, violence involving children, gore, profanity, brief nudity, some sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The Punisher" on Amazon here*
Frank Castle is now an undercover special agent, Travolta can't get a handle on his character, the musical score is laughable, and the screenplay takes a few too many conveniences. Unlike the 1989 version, things calm down as the film finds its bearings and introduces a couple of odd villains straight out of an old action film from thirty years previous. It improves, but doesn't stick the landing.
Frank Castle (Thomas Jane, looking a lot like Christopher Lambert) is a special agent who can handle any situation. He and his family are being sent to London after his "one last assignment" where the son of big-time mobster Saint (John Travolta) is killed. Saint, and his right-hand man Glass (Will Patton), has his revenge, killing Castle's entire extended family, and leaving Castle for dead. Castle is nursed back to health, and rents a seedy apartment in a building populated by love interest Joan (Rebecca Romijn), Bumpo (John Pinette), and Spacker Dave (Ben Foster). From there, he starts a campaign to get back at Saint and his own family.
From the opening sequence, I thought director/co-writer Hensleigh might be going in a different direction with the Punisher character by having him use disguises to infiltrate Saint's vast criminal empire. Castle does use his smarts to play Saint's inner circle against each other, but also kills without prejudice in some overly elaborate action set-pieces, including a very convoluted finale. Castle does get the tar beat out of him many times, he's not immortal. My favorite supporting characters were two hitmen sent by Saint- Harry Heck (Mark Collie) and The Russian (Kevin Nash). Their scenes were exciting, the characters were bizarre, and all the planning Castle goes through still doesn't prepare him for either one. I read Hensleigh was hamstrung by a smaller budget, but I liked a lot of his direction. The Punisher's infamous skull T-shirt finally makes an appearance after a much-maligned absence in the 1989 version.
Jane is good as Frank, not playing him as a mono-syllabic killing machine. He's still human and lost his entire family, wearing his pain well. Travolta tries to chew the scenery here and there, but I often thought he was playing Saint way too nice. Not menacingly nice, just pleasant. His outbursts at what Frank is doing to him, as well as his home life situation (which he doesn't know Frank also has a hand in) aren't portrayed well. I thought Saint should have been more like Glass, Will Patton can do dangerous characters very well. Frank's trio of weirdo neighbors are okay, as are his family, but no one is given too much out of a hurried screenplay that sometimes forgot it was supposed to be a revenge action drama. If you ever thought a film couldn't waste Roy Scheider, you haven't seen this movie yet.
There was an unrated, extended version of this released, and a proposed sequel never materialized. Followed by yet another reboot, but I don't have that in my physical media collection. This Punisher is a vast improvement over the first filmed story. (* * *) out of five stars.
-Contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, violence involving children, gore, profanity, brief nudity, some sexual references, adult situations, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The Punisher" on Amazon here*
I Got Punishered: "The Punisher" (1989)
After his family is killed, a cop (Dolph Lundgren) assumes a vengeance seeking identity, and begins to slaughter dozens of criminals while living in a city's sewer. Based on the Marvel comic, "The Punisher" is awful. I couldn't stand the first few minutes- will Hollywood ever get live television reporting right? -but then I started watching it as a goofball comedy mocking all those 1980's action films, and it almost started working. Almost. There's no skull T-shirt or Stan Lee cameo even though the Marvel name is all over this, much to the chagrin of many viewers. The action scenes are nothing short of ludicrous. Louis Gossett, Jr. is awesome as Frank Castle's partner, much better than the material he found himself in, but Lundgren turns in his usual somnambulist performance. There are some very cringe scenes involving children and guns, and Yakin's screenplay is oddly constructed- was this intentional, or the product of post-production tampering? Only one of two feature films editor Mark Goldblatt helmed ("Dead Heat" was much more fun), and I wish he could have done more directing. This was followed by a few reboot films and a television series, but no direct sequels. (*) out of five stars.
-Contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong violence involving children, gore, profanity, brief nudity, adult situations, drug references, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The Punisher" on Amazon here*
-Contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong violence involving children, gore, profanity, brief nudity, adult situations, drug references, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The Punisher" on Amazon here*
Monday, January 29, 2024
The Dirge: "The Purge" (2013)
"The Purge" is the first film in the wildly successful franchise.
In the (then) near future, a well-to-do family must lockdown in their home during a twelve hour period when all crime in the United States is legal and goes unpunished- a plot summary that opens up a whole can of unanswered questions. Ethan Hawke is the patriarch James, a seller of security systems that keeps all of his neighbors safe as well, but he must then Rambo up when the normally uneventful evening goes horribly wrong. The film is atrociously directed, featuring cheesy jump scares out of a contemporary (PG-13) horror film, and its smug "social commentary" never lands. Hearkening back forty years, this could have made for a classic film by Brian De Palma with a Paddy Chayefsky or William Goldman punched-up script. Where's the satire? Characterization? Where's the needling of social mores? Why didn't the family simply go on vacation out of the country?
What are you trying to be, "The Purge"? Instead, we get a hurried suspense flick that tries to get all its digs in, as if it was in a race to finish as fast as possible. Followed by sequels and a television series. (*) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, violence involving children, gore, profanity, adult situations, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "The Purge" on Amazon here*
In the (then) near future, a well-to-do family must lockdown in their home during a twelve hour period when all crime in the United States is legal and goes unpunished- a plot summary that opens up a whole can of unanswered questions. Ethan Hawke is the patriarch James, a seller of security systems that keeps all of his neighbors safe as well, but he must then Rambo up when the normally uneventful evening goes horribly wrong. The film is atrociously directed, featuring cheesy jump scares out of a contemporary (PG-13) horror film, and its smug "social commentary" never lands. Hearkening back forty years, this could have made for a classic film by Brian De Palma with a Paddy Chayefsky or William Goldman punched-up script. Where's the satire? Characterization? Where's the needling of social mores? Why didn't the family simply go on vacation out of the country?
What are you trying to be, "The Purge"? Instead, we get a hurried suspense flick that tries to get all its digs in, as if it was in a race to finish as fast as possible. Followed by sequels and a television series. (*) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, violence involving children, gore, profanity, adult situations, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "The Purge" on Amazon here*
Please Release Me, Let Me Go: "Captivity" (2007)
The few defenders of this film have portrayed its detractors as a bunch of easily offended, pearl clutching sissies who were more affected by an aborted marketing campaign than what eventually showed up onscreen. I can attest that I never saw the original marketing campaign, and still feel this project is terrible.
Jennifer (Elisha Cuthbert) is a world famous model who is drugged at a party and kidnapped. She wakes up in a cement room and is terrorized by a hooded man. She has a fellow prisoner in the form of Gary (Daniel Gillies), who is not famous and can't figure out why he was abducted, too. The duo become closer as they look for an opportunity to escape when they aren't being violently tortured. In the outside world, the search for Jennifer continues.
Almost as shocking as the gore, anger, and violence of the film is the fact that it was directed by Roland Joffe, the two-time Oscar nominee for "The Killing Fields" and "The Mission." In one of the behind-the-scenes featurettes, Joffe seems excited to be helming something different- a claustrophobic thriller. Interestingly enough, in the second behind-the-scenes featurette, Joffe is shown directing the intense and unnecessary "torture porn" aspect of the film, and does not seem to have any of the enthusiasm that he had in the first featurette.
There are many versions out there, and the DVD I screened had a few deleted scenes and two absolutely terrible alternate endings. I don't know where things went wrong, but the R-rated version I saw, as released, is a gaffe ridden, unbelievable film. Cuthbert and Gillies turn in awful performances. Scenes of violence play out with no context or purpose. Thanks to reshoots and alternate versions, Cuthbert's character is a mess of conflicting emotions, sometimes in the same scene. The climax is laughable, with the film makers trying to make a sociological statement that never sticks. Marco Beltrami's musical score sounds a lot like John Carpenter's incidental notes from 1978's "Halloween," except played in a different key. The film runs under an hour and a half, but I was often bored and checking the running time. The final motive for the murders is nonsensical, the script did not earn the taboo reason; not that the film makers give the audience any reason to care in the first place.
This is a mess, and I refuse to seek out any other versions to give the cast and crew a chance to redeem themselves. Maybe a "final edit" will come out one day, and join the "(R)-Rated," "Unrated," and "Non-Gory" versions but why bother? Escape this "Captivity." (1/2 *) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, gun violence, some sexual violence references, some violence involving children, strong gore, profanity, sexual content, some nudity, strong adult situations, alcohol use, drug abuse
*Get a physical copy of "Captivity" on Amazon here*
Jennifer (Elisha Cuthbert) is a world famous model who is drugged at a party and kidnapped. She wakes up in a cement room and is terrorized by a hooded man. She has a fellow prisoner in the form of Gary (Daniel Gillies), who is not famous and can't figure out why he was abducted, too. The duo become closer as they look for an opportunity to escape when they aren't being violently tortured. In the outside world, the search for Jennifer continues.
Almost as shocking as the gore, anger, and violence of the film is the fact that it was directed by Roland Joffe, the two-time Oscar nominee for "The Killing Fields" and "The Mission." In one of the behind-the-scenes featurettes, Joffe seems excited to be helming something different- a claustrophobic thriller. Interestingly enough, in the second behind-the-scenes featurette, Joffe is shown directing the intense and unnecessary "torture porn" aspect of the film, and does not seem to have any of the enthusiasm that he had in the first featurette.
There are many versions out there, and the DVD I screened had a few deleted scenes and two absolutely terrible alternate endings. I don't know where things went wrong, but the R-rated version I saw, as released, is a gaffe ridden, unbelievable film. Cuthbert and Gillies turn in awful performances. Scenes of violence play out with no context or purpose. Thanks to reshoots and alternate versions, Cuthbert's character is a mess of conflicting emotions, sometimes in the same scene. The climax is laughable, with the film makers trying to make a sociological statement that never sticks. Marco Beltrami's musical score sounds a lot like John Carpenter's incidental notes from 1978's "Halloween," except played in a different key. The film runs under an hour and a half, but I was often bored and checking the running time. The final motive for the murders is nonsensical, the script did not earn the taboo reason; not that the film makers give the audience any reason to care in the first place.
This is a mess, and I refuse to seek out any other versions to give the cast and crew a chance to redeem themselves. Maybe a "final edit" will come out one day, and join the "(R)-Rated," "Unrated," and "Non-Gory" versions but why bother? Escape this "Captivity." (1/2 *) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, gun violence, some sexual violence references, some violence involving children, strong gore, profanity, sexual content, some nudity, strong adult situations, alcohol use, drug abuse
*Get a physical copy of "Captivity" on Amazon here*
Sunday, January 28, 2024
Suddenly Losin': "Gone But Not Forgotten" (2005)
This two-part television film was based on a Phillip Margolin novel, which has been deemed "better than this movie" in almost every film review I read.
In New York state, Peter Lake's (Scott Glenn) wife and young daughter are murdered in a very jumbled opening half hour to the film. Fast forward ten years later, and Lake is now known as Martin Darius, a millionaire developer in Sacramento. Copycat crimes to the New York slayings pop up again, and women's rights lawyer Betsy (Brooke Shields) is now Darius' defense attorney, up against prosecutor Alan (Lou Diamond Phillips). What follows is a two hour thriller dragged out to almost three hours as women are kidnapped and killed, and THIS time, Darius swears he's innocent.
The film takes the old adage "show, don't tell" and turns it on its head. A good hour of screen time, and many characters, could have been dropped by telling, and NOT showing. Darius is already evil enough but when one character recalls his assault of her, do we really need to see it, too? Lake's wife and daughter are shown being murdered twice, in case we didn't remember it happening the first time around. The name cast tries, Phillips and Glenn come off best (although Phillips delivers more lines into a cell phone than to a live character), but the plot lurches along without a steady pace or suspense. Henner and Shields try, but they're both in over their heads. Watch for the scene at a New York suspect's house- I swear Henner tries an accent out of nowhere, and it never occurs again. The film is so padded, I forgot Morton and Atherton were in this until the second half of the film. I'm not sure the novel is as silly as the plot, and don't look up the film's credits online or else a big plot twist will be ruined. The novel's plot might make for a challenging screenwriting exercise.
This should have been tightened up, recast, and written with two strong female leads instead of what we get- a semi-edgy basic cable "event." I'll gladly forget "Gone But Not Forgotten." (* 1/2) out of five stars.
-Contains strong physical violence, gun violence, some sexual violence, gore, mild profanity, brief sexual content, sexual references, adult situations, drug abuse, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "Gone But Not Forgotten" on Amazon here*
In New York state, Peter Lake's (Scott Glenn) wife and young daughter are murdered in a very jumbled opening half hour to the film. Fast forward ten years later, and Lake is now known as Martin Darius, a millionaire developer in Sacramento. Copycat crimes to the New York slayings pop up again, and women's rights lawyer Betsy (Brooke Shields) is now Darius' defense attorney, up against prosecutor Alan (Lou Diamond Phillips). What follows is a two hour thriller dragged out to almost three hours as women are kidnapped and killed, and THIS time, Darius swears he's innocent.
The film takes the old adage "show, don't tell" and turns it on its head. A good hour of screen time, and many characters, could have been dropped by telling, and NOT showing. Darius is already evil enough but when one character recalls his assault of her, do we really need to see it, too? Lake's wife and daughter are shown being murdered twice, in case we didn't remember it happening the first time around. The name cast tries, Phillips and Glenn come off best (although Phillips delivers more lines into a cell phone than to a live character), but the plot lurches along without a steady pace or suspense. Henner and Shields try, but they're both in over their heads. Watch for the scene at a New York suspect's house- I swear Henner tries an accent out of nowhere, and it never occurs again. The film is so padded, I forgot Morton and Atherton were in this until the second half of the film. I'm not sure the novel is as silly as the plot, and don't look up the film's credits online or else a big plot twist will be ruined. The novel's plot might make for a challenging screenwriting exercise.
This should have been tightened up, recast, and written with two strong female leads instead of what we get- a semi-edgy basic cable "event." I'll gladly forget "Gone But Not Forgotten." (* 1/2) out of five stars.
-Contains strong physical violence, gun violence, some sexual violence, gore, mild profanity, brief sexual content, sexual references, adult situations, drug abuse, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "Gone But Not Forgotten" on Amazon here*
So Where Are We On That Sequel?: "G.I. Jane" (1997)
Jordan O'Neil (Demi Moore) is a Naval Intelligence officer recruited by a conniving U.S. senator (Anne Bancroft, with a terrible Texan drawl) to become the first female to train in the Navy SEAL program. Every male between Washington D.C. and her training base in Florida are against the idea, which serves to get Jordan's moxie all riled up, but then she falls victim to political shenanigans.
This isn't a complicated film, but the film makers throw the audience into the fray without time to get to know Jordan, so I really didn't care whether she makes it or not. We are given little glimpses into her personal life, but nothing that makes you sit back and say "Go, Jordan!" Viggo Mortensen's chief training officer comes off as psychotic, and the other recruits who learn to eventually respect Jordan -no grudging, dramatic salute, thank God- meld together into a half dozen cliches. Most of the male politicians and military officers are cigar-chomping misogynists with backwater Southern accents. My father was an Air Force officer, but it's too bad he didn't join the Navy! The parties! The champagne! Rubbing elbows with the political elite! Cool! Scott's direction of the impressive cast is fine, but Hugh Johnson's cinematography is all wrong. The training scenes look like they were shot during a forest fire, and can no one in an interior room scene find a light switch or lamp? Indoor shots are comically dark, the scene set during a senate committee confirmation hearing for the new Secretary of the Navy (Daniel Von Bargen) is pretty to look at but has no basis in reality whatsoever. The final coincidental action scene feels tacked on, Scott must have had some leftover rental time on his fog machines.
I remember when this film came out, and the biggest news was that Moore shaved her head. No one could see what that infamous plot point would do at the Academy Awards almost twenty-five years later. I finally saw "G.I. Jane," and now I can go on with my life. Dis-missed! (* *) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, some sexual violence, gore, profanity, brief nudity, sexual references, adult situations, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "G.I. Jane" on Amazon here*
This isn't a complicated film, but the film makers throw the audience into the fray without time to get to know Jordan, so I really didn't care whether she makes it or not. We are given little glimpses into her personal life, but nothing that makes you sit back and say "Go, Jordan!" Viggo Mortensen's chief training officer comes off as psychotic, and the other recruits who learn to eventually respect Jordan -no grudging, dramatic salute, thank God- meld together into a half dozen cliches. Most of the male politicians and military officers are cigar-chomping misogynists with backwater Southern accents. My father was an Air Force officer, but it's too bad he didn't join the Navy! The parties! The champagne! Rubbing elbows with the political elite! Cool! Scott's direction of the impressive cast is fine, but Hugh Johnson's cinematography is all wrong. The training scenes look like they were shot during a forest fire, and can no one in an interior room scene find a light switch or lamp? Indoor shots are comically dark, the scene set during a senate committee confirmation hearing for the new Secretary of the Navy (Daniel Von Bargen) is pretty to look at but has no basis in reality whatsoever. The final coincidental action scene feels tacked on, Scott must have had some leftover rental time on his fog machines.
I remember when this film came out, and the biggest news was that Moore shaved her head. No one could see what that infamous plot point would do at the Academy Awards almost twenty-five years later. I finally saw "G.I. Jane," and now I can go on with my life. Dis-missed! (* *) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, some sexual violence, gore, profanity, brief nudity, sexual references, adult situations, alcohol and tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "G.I. Jane" on Amazon here*
Saturday, January 27, 2024
Robbin' Hood: "The True Story of Jesse James" (1957)
Director Nicholas Ray, hot off of "Johnny Guitar" and "Rebel Without a Cause," had a bit of contractual obligation to take care of before leaving for Europe, and handed in this short biopic of the infamous American outlaw.
Mostly told through overly long flashbacks, all the major points of Frank and Jesse James' lives are touched on. Robert Wagner plays Jesse, and Jeffrey Hunter is well cast as older brother Frank. After being driven to crime by the treatment of Confederate soldiers and sympathizers after the Civil War -according to Walter Newman's script, based on the Nunnally Johnson screenplay from the 1939 film "Jesse James," Jesse and his gang ride up and down the Missouri countryside, robbing banks and trains and giving the money to the poor. Jesse finds love with Zee (a bored Hope Lange), but must constantly abandon her for jobs, each time promising that the next heist will be the last heist. The James boys also have an overly sympathetic mother (Agnes Moorehead), who excuses everything they do, even after her farm house is bombed because of her sons. If you saw the incredible "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," then you know how our story ends based on that title alone.
Ray's film looks beautiful in CinemaScope widescreen, but the direction has a very bland, workman-like feel to it. Any passion for this story is absent, even using a couple of obvious sequences from the 1939 film in place of shooting new actual stunt footage. Clocking in at a brisk 92 minutes, the film feels incomplete. The characterization does not challenge the audience, once again excusing the acts of someone who now would be considered an armed robber and possible serial killer. Ray does add a bit of repressed 1950's sadomasochism in a notable scene where Jesse is being whipped by a neighboring farmer, but other than that, the director doesn't give us much to engage in.
As with a lot of films from the late 1950's, rumor has it that James Dean was going to be in this. James Dean as Jesse James is some inspired casting, but if he had appeared in what I saw, this would have been Dean's weakest film. Robert Wagner is an actor I always enjoyed in his most famous role, "Hart to Hart," but he languishes here. He certainly looks the part, but the script didn't give him much to do, and the lack of strong direction didn't help. Hunter and Wagner look like they could be brothers, but are caught in what essentially turns into an action film. Characters begin explaining why Jesse does what he does, the screen clouds up, harp music initializes yet another flashback sequence, and suddenly we watch an explosive episode from the James' lives. The flashbacks go on for so long, and cover so much time, I often forgot who was reminiscing to begin with, and what the point of their story was.
One saving grace aside from the widescreen is the filming of the action scenes. This is a violent little flick, especially for the 1950's. The Northfield, Minnesota raid is covered here, yet again, and is put in two odd places in the film, but it is nicely handled. Other stand-out set pieces include the train robbery and the bombing of the farm house, in addition to the kinda historically accurate version of Jesse's murder. This movie was competing with television, and ratcheted the violence up a bit to get people out of their homes and into the theaters. "The True Story of Jesse James" succeeds in being a watchable, bland footnote in the history of the Western film, and it is much better than the terrible "American Outlaws." (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The True Story of Jesse James" on Amazon here*
Mostly told through overly long flashbacks, all the major points of Frank and Jesse James' lives are touched on. Robert Wagner plays Jesse, and Jeffrey Hunter is well cast as older brother Frank. After being driven to crime by the treatment of Confederate soldiers and sympathizers after the Civil War -according to Walter Newman's script, based on the Nunnally Johnson screenplay from the 1939 film "Jesse James," Jesse and his gang ride up and down the Missouri countryside, robbing banks and trains and giving the money to the poor. Jesse finds love with Zee (a bored Hope Lange), but must constantly abandon her for jobs, each time promising that the next heist will be the last heist. The James boys also have an overly sympathetic mother (Agnes Moorehead), who excuses everything they do, even after her farm house is bombed because of her sons. If you saw the incredible "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," then you know how our story ends based on that title alone.
Ray's film looks beautiful in CinemaScope widescreen, but the direction has a very bland, workman-like feel to it. Any passion for this story is absent, even using a couple of obvious sequences from the 1939 film in place of shooting new actual stunt footage. Clocking in at a brisk 92 minutes, the film feels incomplete. The characterization does not challenge the audience, once again excusing the acts of someone who now would be considered an armed robber and possible serial killer. Ray does add a bit of repressed 1950's sadomasochism in a notable scene where Jesse is being whipped by a neighboring farmer, but other than that, the director doesn't give us much to engage in.
As with a lot of films from the late 1950's, rumor has it that James Dean was going to be in this. James Dean as Jesse James is some inspired casting, but if he had appeared in what I saw, this would have been Dean's weakest film. Robert Wagner is an actor I always enjoyed in his most famous role, "Hart to Hart," but he languishes here. He certainly looks the part, but the script didn't give him much to do, and the lack of strong direction didn't help. Hunter and Wagner look like they could be brothers, but are caught in what essentially turns into an action film. Characters begin explaining why Jesse does what he does, the screen clouds up, harp music initializes yet another flashback sequence, and suddenly we watch an explosive episode from the James' lives. The flashbacks go on for so long, and cover so much time, I often forgot who was reminiscing to begin with, and what the point of their story was.
One saving grace aside from the widescreen is the filming of the action scenes. This is a violent little flick, especially for the 1950's. The Northfield, Minnesota raid is covered here, yet again, and is put in two odd places in the film, but it is nicely handled. Other stand-out set pieces include the train robbery and the bombing of the farm house, in addition to the kinda historically accurate version of Jesse's murder. This movie was competing with television, and ratcheted the violence up a bit to get people out of their homes and into the theaters. "The True Story of Jesse James" succeeds in being a watchable, bland footnote in the history of the Western film, and it is much better than the terrible "American Outlaws." (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The True Story of Jesse James" on Amazon here*
Embrace the Fall: "...Around" (2008)
As a fan of the documentary "Cinemania," I am aware of a segment of the population that loves film. Films, movies, cinema, motion pictures- whatever you call it, it is the center of their lives. This kind of obsessive love of an art form is what I expected from David Spaltro's "...Around," but in fact, I got a whole lot more.
Doyle Simms (Robert W. Evans) is a New Jerseyite from a broken home who's itching to go to nearby New York City and enroll in film school. That home life is a nightmare, where he and his sister (Ali Tobia) are terrorized by a very bitter mother (Berenice Mosca). Doyle has a dream, no real life plan, and packs up his belongings in plastic bags and departs. His first year is a bit rough, he returns for the summer, then heads back to New York for another eventful year. This year, he was late with some paperwork and denied financial aid. Doyle finds himself homeless, paying his tuition with credit cards, but living out of public restrooms and lockers. He shoplifts, and begins learning how to survive on the street, thanks in part to Saul (Ron Brice), who has accepted his lot in life and wishes Doyle would do the same. Doyle gets an awful part-time job in a restaurant and meets Allyson (Molly Ryman), a wannabe actress who he has already seen nude thanks to conning his way into an anatomy drawing class at his art school. Allyson is very weary of the charming Doyle, but eventually warms up. Doyle keeps returning home to be berated by his increasingly unstable mother, then flees back to his new burgeoning relationship with Allyson. He eventually saves up enough for a tiny apartment, keeps trying to come up with a film thesis, but in his brain, he is still "homeless," feeling trapped when inside. Saul's forecast of "Movie Star"'s life- Saul nicknamed him after hearing Doyle is in film school- looks like it is coming true. Despite new friends and surrogate family members, Doyle's life is not coming together as he and others imagined it would.
Writer/director David Spaltro based his film on actual experiences, and it is clear the he is showing us his story. He tells us in his film that everyone has a story, but unexpectedly never crosses into touchy-feely territory. I've never been homeless (came close years ago), only went to film school for a semester- all film study courses, never touched a camera, but I still completely associated with Doyle's outlook on life, and those life experiences. The film is dark and depressing, but I found it watchable, as Spaltro gets the audience to care about someone who many would have written off a long time ago. Evans as Doyle is excellent. While some of the casting and aging is a little awkward with the cast, Evans and company carry the picture. Molly Ryman is also wonderful in her role, never playing Allyson as an unattainable love interest. Ron Brice and Marcel Torres add gravity as Doyle's friends, and Spaltro gives them great material, so they never become just "supporting friend characters." Mosca is also great, her scenes with Evans in the hospital are also familiar and universal, even though I have never experienced anything like them in my personal life. Spaltro's direction is fantastic and the editing is very professional, making good use of what he shot. My only complaints concern technical aspects, really. Some of the dialogue is a bit hard to understand, and a few scenes sag here and there, especially the Mona the dancer subplot, which seems unnecessary. There was also some confusion about the wrap-around scenes on the bus. I like that Spaltro used actual New York City locations, and wish more productions would. The city has a look and feel that cannot be duplicated in Toronto or other stand-ins.
The title "...Around" comes from an answer Doyle gives when asked where he lives. The film is so much more than a story of a homeless guy who gets through film school. It addresses the definitions of friendship, family, and life. Spaltro and his cast and crew do a nice job, creating characters I came to care about. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Dark Exorcism" on Amazon here*
Doyle Simms (Robert W. Evans) is a New Jerseyite from a broken home who's itching to go to nearby New York City and enroll in film school. That home life is a nightmare, where he and his sister (Ali Tobia) are terrorized by a very bitter mother (Berenice Mosca). Doyle has a dream, no real life plan, and packs up his belongings in plastic bags and departs. His first year is a bit rough, he returns for the summer, then heads back to New York for another eventful year. This year, he was late with some paperwork and denied financial aid. Doyle finds himself homeless, paying his tuition with credit cards, but living out of public restrooms and lockers. He shoplifts, and begins learning how to survive on the street, thanks in part to Saul (Ron Brice), who has accepted his lot in life and wishes Doyle would do the same. Doyle gets an awful part-time job in a restaurant and meets Allyson (Molly Ryman), a wannabe actress who he has already seen nude thanks to conning his way into an anatomy drawing class at his art school. Allyson is very weary of the charming Doyle, but eventually warms up. Doyle keeps returning home to be berated by his increasingly unstable mother, then flees back to his new burgeoning relationship with Allyson. He eventually saves up enough for a tiny apartment, keeps trying to come up with a film thesis, but in his brain, he is still "homeless," feeling trapped when inside. Saul's forecast of "Movie Star"'s life- Saul nicknamed him after hearing Doyle is in film school- looks like it is coming true. Despite new friends and surrogate family members, Doyle's life is not coming together as he and others imagined it would.
Writer/director David Spaltro based his film on actual experiences, and it is clear the he is showing us his story. He tells us in his film that everyone has a story, but unexpectedly never crosses into touchy-feely territory. I've never been homeless (came close years ago), only went to film school for a semester- all film study courses, never touched a camera, but I still completely associated with Doyle's outlook on life, and those life experiences. The film is dark and depressing, but I found it watchable, as Spaltro gets the audience to care about someone who many would have written off a long time ago. Evans as Doyle is excellent. While some of the casting and aging is a little awkward with the cast, Evans and company carry the picture. Molly Ryman is also wonderful in her role, never playing Allyson as an unattainable love interest. Ron Brice and Marcel Torres add gravity as Doyle's friends, and Spaltro gives them great material, so they never become just "supporting friend characters." Mosca is also great, her scenes with Evans in the hospital are also familiar and universal, even though I have never experienced anything like them in my personal life. Spaltro's direction is fantastic and the editing is very professional, making good use of what he shot. My only complaints concern technical aspects, really. Some of the dialogue is a bit hard to understand, and a few scenes sag here and there, especially the Mona the dancer subplot, which seems unnecessary. There was also some confusion about the wrap-around scenes on the bus. I like that Spaltro used actual New York City locations, and wish more productions would. The city has a look and feel that cannot be duplicated in Toronto or other stand-ins.
The title "...Around" comes from an answer Doyle gives when asked where he lives. The film is so much more than a story of a homeless guy who gets through film school. It addresses the definitions of friendship, family, and life. Spaltro and his cast and crew do a nice job, creating characters I came to care about. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Dark Exorcism" on Amazon here*
Nutcrackers: "The Turning Point" (1977)
The year 1977 was very good for director Herbert Ross. Not only did Ross direct this film, which was nominated for eleven Academy Awards, but he also helmed "The Goodbye Girl," which received five nominations. Out of the twenty acting nominees that year, seven were from his two films. If you love ballet, you will love "The Turning Point." If you have flashbacks to elementary school and suffering through your little sister's bit part in "The Nutcracker" the same way military veterans flashback to combat, you might still like "The Turning Point."
Deedee (Shirley MacLaine) is a former dancer now running a ballet school with her husband Wayne (Tom Skerritt) in Oklahoma City. The American Ballet Company comes through, and Wayne and Deedee reunite with all their old friends and rivals- both incarnated in Emma (Anne Bancroft). Emma and Deedee competed for the same part back in the day, but Deedee ended up pregnant and Emma went on to be a star of the company.
Deedee, however, gave birth to Emilia (Leslie Browne), who is now a supreme dancer in her own right and joins the company. Deedee and Emilia move to New York City for a summer where childless Emma makes herself Emilia's surrogate mom, and Deedee finds herself in the arms of old crush Rosie (Anthony Zerbe), never living the life Emma lives. The two head for a collision course on the night of Emilia's onstage lead debut.
While I am not a big ballet fan, I am a big fan of good acting. MacLaine and Bancroft nail their parts and Ross never lets one actress overshadow the other. Both of them are equally heroic and flawed, so the viewer cannot come down on one side or the other. Leslie Browne is hot and cold as Emilia, letting her great dancing speak for her character. Mikhail Baryshnikov is very effective in a clicheed role as the company horndog Yuri, who quickly beds Emilia. While Wayne is wishy-washy, we find out why at the end of the film, and Skerritt holds his own.
As with "The Goodbye Girl," Ross directs with a vengeance, never letting the camera stop. He is not show-offy or pretentious, but he keeps things going at a fast clip, even the dance sequences. They do not run too long or too short, but are brief enough where you can still appreciate the pure athleticism of the performers. I have not been in awe of dancers like this since I sat through the original "West Side Story." Watch for a wonderfully edited sequence where a fantasy dance between Yuri and Emilia turns into the two making love, a perfect blend of cuts and musical accompaniment. I do complain that the film runs about fifteen minutes too long, and some closure with Deedee and Rosie would have been nice.
"The Turning Point" is not everyone's cup of tea, but the actors and direction save it from being just another melodrama. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Turning Point" on Amazon here*
Deedee (Shirley MacLaine) is a former dancer now running a ballet school with her husband Wayne (Tom Skerritt) in Oklahoma City. The American Ballet Company comes through, and Wayne and Deedee reunite with all their old friends and rivals- both incarnated in Emma (Anne Bancroft). Emma and Deedee competed for the same part back in the day, but Deedee ended up pregnant and Emma went on to be a star of the company.
Deedee, however, gave birth to Emilia (Leslie Browne), who is now a supreme dancer in her own right and joins the company. Deedee and Emilia move to New York City for a summer where childless Emma makes herself Emilia's surrogate mom, and Deedee finds herself in the arms of old crush Rosie (Anthony Zerbe), never living the life Emma lives. The two head for a collision course on the night of Emilia's onstage lead debut.
While I am not a big ballet fan, I am a big fan of good acting. MacLaine and Bancroft nail their parts and Ross never lets one actress overshadow the other. Both of them are equally heroic and flawed, so the viewer cannot come down on one side or the other. Leslie Browne is hot and cold as Emilia, letting her great dancing speak for her character. Mikhail Baryshnikov is very effective in a clicheed role as the company horndog Yuri, who quickly beds Emilia. While Wayne is wishy-washy, we find out why at the end of the film, and Skerritt holds his own.
As with "The Goodbye Girl," Ross directs with a vengeance, never letting the camera stop. He is not show-offy or pretentious, but he keeps things going at a fast clip, even the dance sequences. They do not run too long or too short, but are brief enough where you can still appreciate the pure athleticism of the performers. I have not been in awe of dancers like this since I sat through the original "West Side Story." Watch for a wonderfully edited sequence where a fantasy dance between Yuri and Emilia turns into the two making love, a perfect blend of cuts and musical accompaniment. I do complain that the film runs about fifteen minutes too long, and some closure with Deedee and Rosie would have been nice.
"The Turning Point" is not everyone's cup of tea, but the actors and direction save it from being just another melodrama. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Turning Point" on Amazon here*
Friday, January 26, 2024
What's Up?: "Doc" (1971)
Before the duelling biopics of "Tombstone" and "Wyatt Earp" in the 1990's, this 1971 effort had already decided to set the record straight about John "Doc" Holliday, Wyatt Earp's best friend and participant in the gunfight at the OK Corral.
Just over an hour and a half, this film skips a lot of the epic western cliches and goes right into its meaty story. Doc Holliday (Stacy Keach) buys prostitute Katie Elder (Faye Dunaway) from local bad boy Ike Clanton (Michael Witney), and takes her to Tombstone, Arizona Territory where meets up with his best friend Wyatt Earp (Harris Yulin). Earp has political aspirations in the territory, and wants to control the law while Holliday would control the gambling. Elder and Holliday break up briefly, but then shack up on the edge of town, much to the chagrin of Earp's upstanding wife. Earp and Holliday begin drifting apart, both over Elder and law enforcement, but reunite in time for the climactic shootout in the infamous corral, resulting in the deaths of some major characters.
A few scenes are played a little too quietly, and move a little too slowly. The real success here is with the lead actors- professionals all. Keach is excellent as a Doc Holliday we have never seen before. His physical moves are smooth and suave, like a professional gambler should be, and Keach takes us along on an acting job that looks effortless on his part. Dunaway is Katie Elder, the lifelong prostitute who finds it hard to change herself just to please everyone else's idea of what a couple should be. Dunaway is unglamorous, and never stumbles into the "hooker with a heart of gold" stereotype. Yulin, who is better known as a character actor, is great as Wyatt Earp. He is mean, delivering threatening lines with menace, and also not a clearcut hero. His speech to the crowd after the gunfight, as he stands near a dead body and renews his promise to clean up Tombstone, is great.
Aside from a couple of slow spots and spotty editing, "Doc" is a terrific and underrated western that deserves a cult audience. I highly recommend it. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Doc" on Amazon here*
Just over an hour and a half, this film skips a lot of the epic western cliches and goes right into its meaty story. Doc Holliday (Stacy Keach) buys prostitute Katie Elder (Faye Dunaway) from local bad boy Ike Clanton (Michael Witney), and takes her to Tombstone, Arizona Territory where meets up with his best friend Wyatt Earp (Harris Yulin). Earp has political aspirations in the territory, and wants to control the law while Holliday would control the gambling. Elder and Holliday break up briefly, but then shack up on the edge of town, much to the chagrin of Earp's upstanding wife. Earp and Holliday begin drifting apart, both over Elder and law enforcement, but reunite in time for the climactic shootout in the infamous corral, resulting in the deaths of some major characters.
A few scenes are played a little too quietly, and move a little too slowly. The real success here is with the lead actors- professionals all. Keach is excellent as a Doc Holliday we have never seen before. His physical moves are smooth and suave, like a professional gambler should be, and Keach takes us along on an acting job that looks effortless on his part. Dunaway is Katie Elder, the lifelong prostitute who finds it hard to change herself just to please everyone else's idea of what a couple should be. Dunaway is unglamorous, and never stumbles into the "hooker with a heart of gold" stereotype. Yulin, who is better known as a character actor, is great as Wyatt Earp. He is mean, delivering threatening lines with menace, and also not a clearcut hero. His speech to the crowd after the gunfight, as he stands near a dead body and renews his promise to clean up Tombstone, is great.
Aside from a couple of slow spots and spotty editing, "Doc" is a terrific and underrated western that deserves a cult audience. I highly recommend it. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Doc" on Amazon here*
Scott Goes Out on His Birthday: "$30" (1999)
Teenage Scott (Erik MacArthur) is presented with thirty dollar teen prostitute Emily (Sara Gilbert) on his birthday, and she figures out why he is not interested in her. The film is a good effort, with MacArthur and Gilbert scoring major indie film points, and they have a really nice chemistry. Emily's character is not delved into much, because this is not her story. Cooke's direction is fine, if not a bit awkward here and there, and Christopher Landon's script is smart- watch for the inside joke concerning Emily's choice of TV viewing habits. A solid entry in the "Boys Life 3" short film compilation. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Boys Life 3" on Amazon here*
*Get a physical copy of "Boys Life 3" on Amazon here*
Thursday, January 25, 2024
Out, Out Damn Spot: "101 Dalmatians" (1996)
Disney live action remakes of their animated films is nothing new. Back in 1996, they plumbed the depths and created this one hundred minute commercial for their Dalmatian products.
Glenn Close perfectly embodies Cruella DeVil, the fashion designing boss of Anita (Joely Richardson). Roger (Jeff Daniels) has a Dalmatian, like Anita, but he is unsuccessful as a video game designer- living in London, that hotbed of video game designing. Anita and Roger meet overly cute, and their dogs Pongo (his) and Perdy (hers) fall in love, too. Anita and Roger marry, and get pregnant. Pongo and Perdy marry, and get pregnant. Poor Perdy squeezes out fifteen puppies, under the watchful eye of Nanny (a slumming Joan Plowright), when Cruella returns and offers to buy the puppies. Inspired by one of Anita's designs, she plans to make a giant fur coat out of them, needing these final fifteen for her frock. Anita and Roger do not sell so the puppies are dognapped by henchmen Jasper (Hugh Laurie) and Horace (Mark Williams), who look exactly like their animated counterparts from the better Disney film. The very long finale is one giant rescue scene, as the puppies are helped by other animals to escape, with Cruella, the henchmen, and a psychotic mute taxidermist named Skinner (John Shrapnel) on their collective tails.
Screenwriter John Hughes apes his "Home Alone" ingredient of having grown men injured by cute creatures so often, I though I was watching an unauthorized sequel. Director Stephen Herek is no Chris Columbus, however. While Columbus can direct (usually), Herek is all over the place, not quite sure what he should be capturing in order to double the audience over with laughter. The scene where Anita and Roger meet after wrecking their bikes thanks to their runaway dogs is milked for all it is worth and runs way too long. The editing is not tight, as Herek switches back and forth between multiple cameras, and capturing extreme close-ups of "funny business" instead of just letting the actors be funny. Daniels and Richardson get lost in the shuffle, making no impression on the audience whatsoever. Glenn Close is just right for the part, with some amazing costumes and hair, but she seems reined in as well. The film makers cannot decide if their audience is innocent children or their tired parents. Some of the dialogue is harsh, like the villains' plans for the puppies, but that is offset by sugar coating too many scenes, including the finale. There are also a couple of clips from other Disney films in the movie, but this does not seem like an inside joke so much as free advertising for other Disney videos back then.
In the end, "101 Dalmatians" fails to deliver on its intent. Close almost breaks free from the shackles of marketing mediocrity, but the real loser here is the audience. The puppies are adorable, though. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "101 Dalmatians" on Amazon here*
Glenn Close perfectly embodies Cruella DeVil, the fashion designing boss of Anita (Joely Richardson). Roger (Jeff Daniels) has a Dalmatian, like Anita, but he is unsuccessful as a video game designer- living in London, that hotbed of video game designing. Anita and Roger meet overly cute, and their dogs Pongo (his) and Perdy (hers) fall in love, too. Anita and Roger marry, and get pregnant. Pongo and Perdy marry, and get pregnant. Poor Perdy squeezes out fifteen puppies, under the watchful eye of Nanny (a slumming Joan Plowright), when Cruella returns and offers to buy the puppies. Inspired by one of Anita's designs, she plans to make a giant fur coat out of them, needing these final fifteen for her frock. Anita and Roger do not sell so the puppies are dognapped by henchmen Jasper (Hugh Laurie) and Horace (Mark Williams), who look exactly like their animated counterparts from the better Disney film. The very long finale is one giant rescue scene, as the puppies are helped by other animals to escape, with Cruella, the henchmen, and a psychotic mute taxidermist named Skinner (John Shrapnel) on their collective tails.
Screenwriter John Hughes apes his "Home Alone" ingredient of having grown men injured by cute creatures so often, I though I was watching an unauthorized sequel. Director Stephen Herek is no Chris Columbus, however. While Columbus can direct (usually), Herek is all over the place, not quite sure what he should be capturing in order to double the audience over with laughter. The scene where Anita and Roger meet after wrecking their bikes thanks to their runaway dogs is milked for all it is worth and runs way too long. The editing is not tight, as Herek switches back and forth between multiple cameras, and capturing extreme close-ups of "funny business" instead of just letting the actors be funny. Daniels and Richardson get lost in the shuffle, making no impression on the audience whatsoever. Glenn Close is just right for the part, with some amazing costumes and hair, but she seems reined in as well. The film makers cannot decide if their audience is innocent children or their tired parents. Some of the dialogue is harsh, like the villains' plans for the puppies, but that is offset by sugar coating too many scenes, including the finale. There are also a couple of clips from other Disney films in the movie, but this does not seem like an inside joke so much as free advertising for other Disney videos back then.
In the end, "101 Dalmatians" fails to deliver on its intent. Close almost breaks free from the shackles of marketing mediocrity, but the real loser here is the audience. The puppies are adorable, though. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "101 Dalmatians" on Amazon here*
Wednesday, January 24, 2024
Betty Gets the Job: "The Betty White Show" {"Under Cover Woman" Episode #1.1} (1977)
I think fans of "The Golden Girls" might be surprised that this sitcom featured Betty White in her 1970's Sue Ann Nivens phase, not her 1980's Rose Nyland phase, which gives the material a nice edge. Actress Joyce (Betty White) finally gets the lead role in an action/cop show called "Undercover Woman." She lives with her friend Mitzi (Georgia Engel), and she finds out that her ex-husband John (John Hillerman) will be directing the pilot episode. The couple trade many a funny barb until Joyce realizes that the stuffy John is still a part of her life, and that she might harbor feelings for him.
This is an obvious pilot/first episode, as some of the jokes fall flat, and unsure regulars are introduced. White and Hillerman don't have that much chemistry, Hillerman overplays the stuffy director to the point that he is robotic in a role that he would perform much better on "Magnum, P.I." The main focus is on White, and she is a stitch. Her delivery is incredible, and the writers give her and Hillerman some very funny banter. There is some fictional show cast and crew onscreen, but I'm not sure why there is a Mitzi character at all- count how many times Engel leaves a scene- so it will be interesting to see if the show is a work place comedy, or a domestic strife/second chance at romance satire. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains mild violence and very mild sexual references
*Get a physical copy of "First Lady of Television: The Betty White Collection" on Amazon here*
This is an obvious pilot/first episode, as some of the jokes fall flat, and unsure regulars are introduced. White and Hillerman don't have that much chemistry, Hillerman overplays the stuffy director to the point that he is robotic in a role that he would perform much better on "Magnum, P.I." The main focus is on White, and she is a stitch. Her delivery is incredible, and the writers give her and Hillerman some very funny banter. There is some fictional show cast and crew onscreen, but I'm not sure why there is a Mitzi character at all- count how many times Engel leaves a scene- so it will be interesting to see if the show is a work place comedy, or a domestic strife/second chance at romance satire. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains mild violence and very mild sexual references
*Get a physical copy of "First Lady of Television: The Betty White Collection" on Amazon here*
I Second This Opinion: "The 2nd" (2020)
This cheap, bizarre action flick might have benefited from dropping its main heroic character.
Major Vic Davis (Ryan Phillippe) goes to a college campus to pick up his estranged, theater major son Shawn (Jack Griffo) for some bonding time over Christmas break. Shawn is making goo-goo eyes with Erin (a great Lexi Simonsen), the daughter of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Walton (a too stiff Randy Charach). The Court is deciding a gun control issue, hence the terrible title, and some powers-that-be send smooth domestic terrorist "Driver" (Casper Van Dien) and his crew to kidnap Erin and sway the justice's decision. The film then takes the "Die Hard" route as Davis and his charge fight the baddies.
I don't know what Phillippe, Van Dien, and William McNamara are taking to appear middle aged awesome, but I'd like a prescription, please. Phillippe and Griffo appear to be the same age. This is a tried-and-true formula, but the film is so outlandish and muddled, it's like watching a trainwreck. Most of the gun shots are obvious powder squibs, you know it's Christmas because of the one wreath nailed to the wall in the elevator and the harsh green and red light gels, and the film feels at least half an hour longer than it is. The politics are murky, you don't know what side of the gun control debate it's on, plus they seem to be getting basic American jurisprudence wrong (the Supreme Court just can't overthrow a Constitutional amendment). This wouldn't be a big deal, but the title is the amendment they are supporting but not supporting. I liked the Shawn/Erin dynamic more, it would have been interesting if Davis was dropped from the action altogether, taking a secondary role either through his son's memories (he taught Shawn how to defend himself) or communicating with him from the outside. If the villains had taken a break from nefariously swigging whiskey during dialogue scenes, they might have sobered up enough to make their conspiracy work.
The film sets up a sequel no one seems to be very interested in pursuing; would that be "The 3rd," where housing military soldiers in civilian homes in a time of war takes center stage? Phillippe co-produced too, maybe trying to jump start his own action franchise. There's a likable cast here, but not enough meat on the bone to generate a series from the material. No seconds, I'm full. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains physical violence, gun violence, some gore, profanity, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The 2nd" on Amazon here*
Major Vic Davis (Ryan Phillippe) goes to a college campus to pick up his estranged, theater major son Shawn (Jack Griffo) for some bonding time over Christmas break. Shawn is making goo-goo eyes with Erin (a great Lexi Simonsen), the daughter of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Walton (a too stiff Randy Charach). The Court is deciding a gun control issue, hence the terrible title, and some powers-that-be send smooth domestic terrorist "Driver" (Casper Van Dien) and his crew to kidnap Erin and sway the justice's decision. The film then takes the "Die Hard" route as Davis and his charge fight the baddies.
I don't know what Phillippe, Van Dien, and William McNamara are taking to appear middle aged awesome, but I'd like a prescription, please. Phillippe and Griffo appear to be the same age. This is a tried-and-true formula, but the film is so outlandish and muddled, it's like watching a trainwreck. Most of the gun shots are obvious powder squibs, you know it's Christmas because of the one wreath nailed to the wall in the elevator and the harsh green and red light gels, and the film feels at least half an hour longer than it is. The politics are murky, you don't know what side of the gun control debate it's on, plus they seem to be getting basic American jurisprudence wrong (the Supreme Court just can't overthrow a Constitutional amendment). This wouldn't be a big deal, but the title is the amendment they are supporting but not supporting. I liked the Shawn/Erin dynamic more, it would have been interesting if Davis was dropped from the action altogether, taking a secondary role either through his son's memories (he taught Shawn how to defend himself) or communicating with him from the outside. If the villains had taken a break from nefariously swigging whiskey during dialogue scenes, they might have sobered up enough to make their conspiracy work.
The film sets up a sequel no one seems to be very interested in pursuing; would that be "The 3rd," where housing military soldiers in civilian homes in a time of war takes center stage? Phillippe co-produced too, maybe trying to jump start his own action franchise. There's a likable cast here, but not enough meat on the bone to generate a series from the material. No seconds, I'm full. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains physical violence, gun violence, some gore, profanity, alcohol use
*Get a physical copy of "The 2nd" on Amazon here*
I'd Like to Report a 211 in Regress: "211" (2018)
This messy, short thriller plays like a rejected Paul Haggis/"Crash" story.
Four mercenaries in Afghanistan are owed over a million dollars after a former boss does them wrong. Interpol Agent Rossi (Alexandra Dinu) is hot on their trail, following them back to Massachusetts, where they plan on knocking over one of the banks that their money was transferred to. First problem: when money is transferred internationally to a bank, the actual physical amount of cash doesn't magically appear at that bank. Take it from a former bank teller, it doesn't work like that. As the men get ready to storm the bank, we are introduced to a very large cast of characters whose lives will all cross that day. Retiring cop Mike (Nicolas Cage), his son-in-law/partner Steve (Dwayne Cameron), and his estranged daughter Lisa (Sophie Skelton) are one part of the puzzle. Kenny (Michael Rainey Jr.) is a bullied teen who must ride along with Mike and Steve after a misunderstanding at school while Kenny's medical professional mother (Shari Watson) worries. Rossi also hangs around the periphery, flashing an Interpol badge can get you into a lot of places in fictional Chesterford, Massachusetts, and assorted younger cop characters make their presence known. Everyone's stories converge in a boring, "Heat"-inspired shootout.
Nicolas Cage liked to sign up for these types of straight-to-video films on a weekly basis, and while it's big fun for Cage fans, some of these are a chore for the casual moviegoer. The script is confusing, and the different locations used do not mesh- a Massachusetts cafe explosion looks European set, but in the same town, the Massachusetts bank robbery looks American- right down to Louisiana license plates on some of the cars, and the title is a police radio call number from California. I'm sure the screenwriter(s?)- another odd credit- had something bigger in mind but the film limps along full of some terrible performances from a cast given tropes, not characters, to play. Come on, the harried police commander (Mark Basnight) who's getting pressured from the mayor and governor? The retiring cop? The young cop whose wife is expecting? War profiteering mercenaries? The stupid hostage who must make a break for it? The bullied teen smarter than his peers? Yawn.
Throw this on the pile of other Cage pablum, a film that was obviously done for the paycheck. (*) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains some physical violence, strong gun violence, gore, some profanity
*Get a physical copy of "211" on Amazon here*
Four mercenaries in Afghanistan are owed over a million dollars after a former boss does them wrong. Interpol Agent Rossi (Alexandra Dinu) is hot on their trail, following them back to Massachusetts, where they plan on knocking over one of the banks that their money was transferred to. First problem: when money is transferred internationally to a bank, the actual physical amount of cash doesn't magically appear at that bank. Take it from a former bank teller, it doesn't work like that. As the men get ready to storm the bank, we are introduced to a very large cast of characters whose lives will all cross that day. Retiring cop Mike (Nicolas Cage), his son-in-law/partner Steve (Dwayne Cameron), and his estranged daughter Lisa (Sophie Skelton) are one part of the puzzle. Kenny (Michael Rainey Jr.) is a bullied teen who must ride along with Mike and Steve after a misunderstanding at school while Kenny's medical professional mother (Shari Watson) worries. Rossi also hangs around the periphery, flashing an Interpol badge can get you into a lot of places in fictional Chesterford, Massachusetts, and assorted younger cop characters make their presence known. Everyone's stories converge in a boring, "Heat"-inspired shootout.
Nicolas Cage liked to sign up for these types of straight-to-video films on a weekly basis, and while it's big fun for Cage fans, some of these are a chore for the casual moviegoer. The script is confusing, and the different locations used do not mesh- a Massachusetts cafe explosion looks European set, but in the same town, the Massachusetts bank robbery looks American- right down to Louisiana license plates on some of the cars, and the title is a police radio call number from California. I'm sure the screenwriter(s?)- another odd credit- had something bigger in mind but the film limps along full of some terrible performances from a cast given tropes, not characters, to play. Come on, the harried police commander (Mark Basnight) who's getting pressured from the mayor and governor? The retiring cop? The young cop whose wife is expecting? War profiteering mercenaries? The stupid hostage who must make a break for it? The bullied teen smarter than his peers? Yawn.
Throw this on the pile of other Cage pablum, a film that was obviously done for the paycheck. (*) out of five stars.
-Rated R, contains some physical violence, strong gun violence, gore, some profanity
*Get a physical copy of "211" on Amazon here*
Sunday, January 21, 2024
Decoded: "Angels & Demons" (2009)
Tom Hanks gets his franchise on in this brisk thriller that is head and shoulders above its predecessor "The Da Vinci Code."
Professor Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is still a thorn in the side of the Catholic Church, who have suffered the sudden death of its Pope. In a seemingly unrelated scene, Dr. Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer) and a bunch of scientists have created anti-matter, "The God Particle," which can be used to create life itself. Unfortunately, the Illuminati, an ancient anti-science secret society has exploded back onto the scene, stealing the tiny piece of anti-matter contained in a cylinder that can devastate Rome and the Vatican City if the cylinder's batteries are not recharged. The society also kidnaps the four Cardinal front-runners to be the new Pope and it's a race against time as Langdon and Vetra must use their smarts to find them before they are executed by the mysterious kidnapper (Nikolaj Lie Kaas). In the meantime, the higher-ups in the Catholic Church are dealing with an internal power struggle between the deceased pope's place-holder/adopted son Camerlengo Patrick McKenna (Ewan McGregor), Commander Richter of the Swiss Guard (Stellan Skarsgard), and powerful Cardinal Strauss (Armin Mueller-Stahl).
The information dump here isn't as pronounced as it was in the first film, as if producers took notes on why "The Da Vinci Code" was such a disaster. None of the characters have flashbacks, pertinent moments in church history aren't recreated, and the Christian bashing is kept to a minimum. The original novel was a prequel to the first film, but here "Angels & Demons" is a sequel, with the first filmed story getting scant mention.
Langdon is still a superhuman know-it-all, but director Howard tones down the "A Beautiful Mind" special effects and theatrics, letting Langdon solve the mystery. There is still a lot of running around and cars zipping through the streets of Rome, but Langdon actually snaps back at authority figures who stand in the way of solving a possible apocalyptic event. Hanks has zero chemistry with Zurer, but the rest of the cast play their predictable parts well. The story moves quickly, and Langdon does fail here and there. A sense of familiarity falls over the film, and while it held my interest, I guessed every plot point and twist correctly.
While "The Da Vinci Code" lulled me into sleep on at least one occasion, the most jarring aspect of this film is the violence. How this escaped with a (PG-13) rating is beyond me. The film is gory, with multiple murders, physical mayhem, and a couple of characters getting burned alive. There isn't a supernatural component here, like the first film danced around with, and I'm not sure why the violence was ratcheted up.
In the end, while a definite improvement, "Angels & Demons" still has its flaws. It's like the other Dan Brown novels that people buy in airports before a long flight, and then leave it on the plane once they've finished it. No repeat viewing necessary here. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Rated PG-13, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, mild profanity, adult situations, mild tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "Angels & Demons" on Amazon here*
Professor Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is still a thorn in the side of the Catholic Church, who have suffered the sudden death of its Pope. In a seemingly unrelated scene, Dr. Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer) and a bunch of scientists have created anti-matter, "The God Particle," which can be used to create life itself. Unfortunately, the Illuminati, an ancient anti-science secret society has exploded back onto the scene, stealing the tiny piece of anti-matter contained in a cylinder that can devastate Rome and the Vatican City if the cylinder's batteries are not recharged. The society also kidnaps the four Cardinal front-runners to be the new Pope and it's a race against time as Langdon and Vetra must use their smarts to find them before they are executed by the mysterious kidnapper (Nikolaj Lie Kaas). In the meantime, the higher-ups in the Catholic Church are dealing with an internal power struggle between the deceased pope's place-holder/adopted son Camerlengo Patrick McKenna (Ewan McGregor), Commander Richter of the Swiss Guard (Stellan Skarsgard), and powerful Cardinal Strauss (Armin Mueller-Stahl).
The information dump here isn't as pronounced as it was in the first film, as if producers took notes on why "The Da Vinci Code" was such a disaster. None of the characters have flashbacks, pertinent moments in church history aren't recreated, and the Christian bashing is kept to a minimum. The original novel was a prequel to the first film, but here "Angels & Demons" is a sequel, with the first filmed story getting scant mention.
Langdon is still a superhuman know-it-all, but director Howard tones down the "A Beautiful Mind" special effects and theatrics, letting Langdon solve the mystery. There is still a lot of running around and cars zipping through the streets of Rome, but Langdon actually snaps back at authority figures who stand in the way of solving a possible apocalyptic event. Hanks has zero chemistry with Zurer, but the rest of the cast play their predictable parts well. The story moves quickly, and Langdon does fail here and there. A sense of familiarity falls over the film, and while it held my interest, I guessed every plot point and twist correctly.
While "The Da Vinci Code" lulled me into sleep on at least one occasion, the most jarring aspect of this film is the violence. How this escaped with a (PG-13) rating is beyond me. The film is gory, with multiple murders, physical mayhem, and a couple of characters getting burned alive. There isn't a supernatural component here, like the first film danced around with, and I'm not sure why the violence was ratcheted up.
In the end, while a definite improvement, "Angels & Demons" still has its flaws. It's like the other Dan Brown novels that people buy in airports before a long flight, and then leave it on the plane once they've finished it. No repeat viewing necessary here. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Rated PG-13, contains strong physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, mild profanity, adult situations, mild tobacco use
*Get a physical copy of "Angels & Demons" on Amazon here*
Grace Under Fire: "Amish Grace" (2010)
This Lifetime made-for-television film commits a huge blunder in its opening seconds.
The Grabers are an Amish family- father Gideon (Matt Letscher), mother Ida (Kimberly Williams-Paisley), and daughters Katie and Mary Beth (Karley Scott Collins and Madison Davenport). The girls attend a nearby school in their Pennsylvania community, and life is good. In October of 2006, Charlie Roberts (Matt Churchill) walked into the schoolhouse and murdered five girls before taking his own life. One of the children killed was Mary Beth. Among those grieving is Charlie's wife Amy (a fantastic Tammy Blanchard), and her father (Gary Graham). They had no idea this upstanding husband and family man was going to do something so horrible, and the Roberts family is really thrown when the Amish males come to help Amy, and forgive the man who killed some of their offspring. Not everyone is forgiving, however. Ida's sister is shunned for leaving the Amish faith, and with the help of a completely unrealistic television news reporter (Fay Masterson), Ida decides to leave the community herself. She cannot stomach forgiving anyone for what happened, but she isn't allowed to vent and speak out about her disagreement with the others.
The film desperately tries to raise some important questions about forgiveness and faith. I know straight away I wouldn't be able to forgive the killer so quickly. The screenwriters present both sides of the argument, with Ida and Gideon seeming to be in the right. The crime was horrible and heartbreaking, and we may never know why Roberts did what he did, despite the easy movie reasons, which differ from other motives I have read about. And what of the Graber family? Did they ever reconcile their anger with their faith? I don't know. According to an opening crawl before the film, the Grabers are a fictional family. This tidbit of information almost completely negates the following hour and a half. The Grabers are based on a real family, but if they are fictitious, then how many more liberties did the screenwriters take with the characters, aside from the obvious? Names have been changed, families imagined, and what we are left with is something along the lines of a "Law and Order" episode that was "torn from today's headlines" but, *wink-wink*, isn't based on any real people. The Amish domestic scenes are excruciating in their bland happiness, and Williams-Paisley can't seem to nail her character down until after the shootings. Blanchard is excellent as Roberts' wife, never understanding why these strange people are helping her. Champion's direction is good, but his shots feel confined. He breaks out once in a while, but then pulls a scene out of his hat that is cringe-inducing in its obviousness, like Roberts' funeral.
The film was based on a book of the same name, and I have read that the authors tried to distance themselves from the production, which broke ratings records when it debuted. "Amish Grace" is a well-acted mess, and don't take anything you see as gospel. (* * *) out of five stars.
-TV-PG, contains some adult situations
*Get a physical copy of "Amish Grace" on Amazon here*
The Grabers are an Amish family- father Gideon (Matt Letscher), mother Ida (Kimberly Williams-Paisley), and daughters Katie and Mary Beth (Karley Scott Collins and Madison Davenport). The girls attend a nearby school in their Pennsylvania community, and life is good. In October of 2006, Charlie Roberts (Matt Churchill) walked into the schoolhouse and murdered five girls before taking his own life. One of the children killed was Mary Beth. Among those grieving is Charlie's wife Amy (a fantastic Tammy Blanchard), and her father (Gary Graham). They had no idea this upstanding husband and family man was going to do something so horrible, and the Roberts family is really thrown when the Amish males come to help Amy, and forgive the man who killed some of their offspring. Not everyone is forgiving, however. Ida's sister is shunned for leaving the Amish faith, and with the help of a completely unrealistic television news reporter (Fay Masterson), Ida decides to leave the community herself. She cannot stomach forgiving anyone for what happened, but she isn't allowed to vent and speak out about her disagreement with the others.
The film desperately tries to raise some important questions about forgiveness and faith. I know straight away I wouldn't be able to forgive the killer so quickly. The screenwriters present both sides of the argument, with Ida and Gideon seeming to be in the right. The crime was horrible and heartbreaking, and we may never know why Roberts did what he did, despite the easy movie reasons, which differ from other motives I have read about. And what of the Graber family? Did they ever reconcile their anger with their faith? I don't know. According to an opening crawl before the film, the Grabers are a fictional family. This tidbit of information almost completely negates the following hour and a half. The Grabers are based on a real family, but if they are fictitious, then how many more liberties did the screenwriters take with the characters, aside from the obvious? Names have been changed, families imagined, and what we are left with is something along the lines of a "Law and Order" episode that was "torn from today's headlines" but, *wink-wink*, isn't based on any real people. The Amish domestic scenes are excruciating in their bland happiness, and Williams-Paisley can't seem to nail her character down until after the shootings. Blanchard is excellent as Roberts' wife, never understanding why these strange people are helping her. Champion's direction is good, but his shots feel confined. He breaks out once in a while, but then pulls a scene out of his hat that is cringe-inducing in its obviousness, like Roberts' funeral.
The film was based on a book of the same name, and I have read that the authors tried to distance themselves from the production, which broke ratings records when it debuted. "Amish Grace" is a well-acted mess, and don't take anything you see as gospel. (* * *) out of five stars.
-TV-PG, contains some adult situations
*Get a physical copy of "Amish Grace" on Amazon here*
Not a Popcorn-Munching Good Time With the Fam: "American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore" (2014)
Taking their cue from the Japanese "Guinea Pig" gory film series, Stephen Biro has created a penultimate gore film with little plot but some stunning practical special effects.
Cayt Feinics and Ashley Lynn Caputo are kidnapped off the street in the opening scenes. They are drugged, rendered immobile, and tied to a couple of tables. Then a group of masked men sport various film and video cameras and record another man who must torture them to death as part of a snuff film production (but also to save his children, who are being held captive). The majority of the film is the slow, systematic, literal butchering of the two women, with a stomach churning final scene that thankfully isn't followed through with.
While other critics have complained about the skimpy plot, I appreciated that this wasn't just another serial killer/"snuff" film. No one bursts in the door at the last minute to save the victims, Jodie Foster or Denzel Washington don't study minute clues and gather suspects; the film is a record of the murders of these two women. One thing serial killer culture often ignores is the murders from the victims' points of views- something we are rarely privy to, and something I doubt is just like the movies or television.
Biro's film is claustrophobic, taking place in one setting after the initial kidnapping. The mix of media capturing the torture is inspired, and Biro's editing is fantastic. The "snuff" film isn't a slick production, it's grimy and disgusting, getting the job done. The cast is good across the board, as is the understated and creepy musical score. The pacing lags here and there, especially on Caputo as the second victim. The makeup and gore special effects are outstanding. I've seen a lot of mondo and gore films in my time, and the special effects here rate at the top of the scale- they are very realistic and effective, and put the viewer in a state of unease right away.
Obviously, extreme gore horror films aren't for everyone, but "American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore" is a pinnacle creation in the genre. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Unrated, contains very strong extreme physical violence, some sexual violence, very strong extreme gore, profanity, some sexual content, female nudity, sexual references, very strong adult situations, drug abuse
*Get a physical copy of "American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore" on Amazon here*
Cayt Feinics and Ashley Lynn Caputo are kidnapped off the street in the opening scenes. They are drugged, rendered immobile, and tied to a couple of tables. Then a group of masked men sport various film and video cameras and record another man who must torture them to death as part of a snuff film production (but also to save his children, who are being held captive). The majority of the film is the slow, systematic, literal butchering of the two women, with a stomach churning final scene that thankfully isn't followed through with.
While other critics have complained about the skimpy plot, I appreciated that this wasn't just another serial killer/"snuff" film. No one bursts in the door at the last minute to save the victims, Jodie Foster or Denzel Washington don't study minute clues and gather suspects; the film is a record of the murders of these two women. One thing serial killer culture often ignores is the murders from the victims' points of views- something we are rarely privy to, and something I doubt is just like the movies or television.
Biro's film is claustrophobic, taking place in one setting after the initial kidnapping. The mix of media capturing the torture is inspired, and Biro's editing is fantastic. The "snuff" film isn't a slick production, it's grimy and disgusting, getting the job done. The cast is good across the board, as is the understated and creepy musical score. The pacing lags here and there, especially on Caputo as the second victim. The makeup and gore special effects are outstanding. I've seen a lot of mondo and gore films in my time, and the special effects here rate at the top of the scale- they are very realistic and effective, and put the viewer in a state of unease right away.
Obviously, extreme gore horror films aren't for everyone, but "American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore" is a pinnacle creation in the genre. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
-Unrated, contains very strong extreme physical violence, some sexual violence, very strong extreme gore, profanity, some sexual content, female nudity, sexual references, very strong adult situations, drug abuse
*Get a physical copy of "American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore" on Amazon here*
BOOK INDEX- alphabetical by author's last name
A
-Tijuana Bibles: Art and Wit in America's Forbidden Funnies, 1930s-1950s by Bob Adelman
-Hollywood Babylon II by Kenneth Anger
B
-Ghost Towns of the American West by Raymond Bial
-The Big Wave by Pearl S. Buck
-Clinton: Portrait of Victory by Rebecca Buffum Taylor, photographs by P.F. Bentley
C
-Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Dr. Richard Carlson
D
-The Enormous Crocodile by Roald Dahl, pictures by Quentin Blake
-Gothic: Four Hundred Years of Excess, Horror, Evil, and Ruin by Richard Davenport-Hines
-The Civil War: Strange & Fascinating Facts by Burke Davis
-Turn Back the Night by Jennifer Drew
E
-Love and Desire: Photoworks by William A. Ewing
-Sons... by Helen Exley
F
-The Horror Film Handbook by Alan Frank
G
-Shot in the Heart by Mikal Gilmore
-Movie Monsters in Scale: A Modeler's Gallery of Science Fiction and Horror Figures and Dioramas by Mark C. Glassy
-Which Lie Did I Tell?: More Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman
-Edward Albee: A Singular Journey by Mel Gussow
H
-You'll Never Nanny in This Town Again: The True Adventures of a Hollywood Nanny by Suzanne Hansen
-Young Goodman Brown and Other Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne
J
-H.N.I.C. by Albert 'Prodigy' Johnson with Steven Savile
K
-Rich Dad's Retire Young, Retire Rich: How to Get Rich Quickly and Stay Rich Forever! by Robert T. Kiyosaki with Sharon L. Lechter
-I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD & Hal Straus
L
-The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life by Steve Leveen
-The Call of the Wild by Jack London
M
-An American Dream by Norman Mailer
-How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club by Sarah McLean Mullen
-Blondie, From Punk to the Present: A Pictorial History by Allan Metz
N
-Opportunities in Religious Service Careers by John Oliver Nelson
-How to Write Horror Fiction by William F. Nolan
P
-Star Wars: R2-D2's Mission: A Little Hero's Journey by Jane Paley
-Come Swiftly to Your Love: Love Poems of Ancient Egypt, translated by Ezra Pound and Noel Stock
-Bush Must Go by Bill Press
R
-Guide to Home Video and Movies by Ryan Reed
-How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour
S
-Famous Stars and Directors by Joseph Stewart
-The Good Little Mermaid's Guide to Bedtime by Eija Sumner, illustrated by Nici Gregory
T
-Verses That Hurt: Pleasure and Pain from the POEMFONE Poets, edited by Jordan Trachtenberg and Amy Trachtenberg
-Drummer Boy: Marching to the Civil War by Ann Turner, illustrated by Mark Hess
W
-Legends and Lies: Great Mysteries of the American West by Dale L. Walker
-English Diarists: Evelyn & Pepys by Margaret Willy
Z
-An Underground Education: The Unauthorized and Outrageous Supplement to Everything You Thought You Knew About Art, Sex, Business, Crime, Science, Medicine, and Other Fields by Richard Zacks
-Tijuana Bibles: Art and Wit in America's Forbidden Funnies, 1930s-1950s by Bob Adelman
-Hollywood Babylon II by Kenneth Anger
B
-Ghost Towns of the American West by Raymond Bial
-The Big Wave by Pearl S. Buck
-Clinton: Portrait of Victory by Rebecca Buffum Taylor, photographs by P.F. Bentley
C
-Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Dr. Richard Carlson
D
-The Enormous Crocodile by Roald Dahl, pictures by Quentin Blake
-Gothic: Four Hundred Years of Excess, Horror, Evil, and Ruin by Richard Davenport-Hines
-The Civil War: Strange & Fascinating Facts by Burke Davis
-Turn Back the Night by Jennifer Drew
E
-Love and Desire: Photoworks by William A. Ewing
-Sons... by Helen Exley
F
-The Horror Film Handbook by Alan Frank
G
-Shot in the Heart by Mikal Gilmore
-Movie Monsters in Scale: A Modeler's Gallery of Science Fiction and Horror Figures and Dioramas by Mark C. Glassy
-Which Lie Did I Tell?: More Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman
-Edward Albee: A Singular Journey by Mel Gussow
H
-You'll Never Nanny in This Town Again: The True Adventures of a Hollywood Nanny by Suzanne Hansen
-Young Goodman Brown and Other Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne
J
-H.N.I.C. by Albert 'Prodigy' Johnson with Steven Savile
K
-Rich Dad's Retire Young, Retire Rich: How to Get Rich Quickly and Stay Rich Forever! by Robert T. Kiyosaki with Sharon L. Lechter
-I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD & Hal Straus
L
-The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life by Steve Leveen
-The Call of the Wild by Jack London
M
-An American Dream by Norman Mailer
-How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club by Sarah McLean Mullen
-Blondie, From Punk to the Present: A Pictorial History by Allan Metz
N
-Opportunities in Religious Service Careers by John Oliver Nelson
-How to Write Horror Fiction by William F. Nolan
P
-Star Wars: R2-D2's Mission: A Little Hero's Journey by Jane Paley
-Come Swiftly to Your Love: Love Poems of Ancient Egypt, translated by Ezra Pound and Noel Stock
-Bush Must Go by Bill Press
R
-Guide to Home Video and Movies by Ryan Reed
-How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour
S
-Famous Stars and Directors by Joseph Stewart
-The Good Little Mermaid's Guide to Bedtime by Eija Sumner, illustrated by Nici Gregory
T
-Verses That Hurt: Pleasure and Pain from the POEMFONE Poets, edited by Jordan Trachtenberg and Amy Trachtenberg
-Drummer Boy: Marching to the Civil War by Ann Turner, illustrated by Mark Hess
W
-Legends and Lies: Great Mysteries of the American West by Dale L. Walker
-English Diarists: Evelyn & Pepys by Margaret Willy
Z
-An Underground Education: The Unauthorized and Outrageous Supplement to Everything You Thought You Knew About Art, Sex, Business, Crime, Science, Medicine, and Other Fields by Richard Zacks
Book & Film Review: How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club by Sarah McLean Mullen/"Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen" (1987)
You remember the scene, I know you do. In 1989's "Dead Poets Society," teacher John Keating (Robin Williams) is leading his new class in how to measure the enjoyment of a poem. The exercise involves graphs which students dutifully copied, and measurements strictly observed, when suddenly Keating insists that the students rip this section out of the textbook and toss it. Poetry cannot be measured like you would a temperature, or a quantity of liquid. It's inherent beauty comes from what it does to your head and your heart.
Well, while I was skulking around my alma mater's library, I was browsing in the film books section which was impressively diverse for a college with no film studies program at that point. Tucked among the larger books by James Agee, and old Halliwell's Film Guides, I found a 63-page pamphlet entitled "How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club" by Sarah McLean Mullen. The pamphlet trumpeted its foreword by a William L. Lewin and was published by Scholastic, a weekly newspaper for high school students. I sat down to read, and found the copyright date for this revised edition- 1936. Oh, this was going to be good.
While the yawny foreword talked of Lewin's nationwide research into using films for education, Mullen's material was the best part to digest. In the back of the pamphlet, I found what Mullen has called a "Scholastic Score Card For Rating Photoplays." Ten aspects of a judged film is rated on a weighted scale, the scores are totaled, and the total weighted score, after a little more math, gives you a percentile rating that tells you whether a film is good or not. As an audience, we all have expectations when seeing a photoplay, their irritating term for movies, and the Score Card slices through all the physical discomforts we experience at the theater, giving us a true indication of a film's worthiness.
The ten items judged are: Entertainment Value, Basic Theme, Story, Title, Dramatic Plot Structure, Social Value, Direction, Characterization, Settings-Costuming-Make-up-Properties, Lighting and Photography, and Sound and Musical Effects. Interestingly enough, the sample Score Card printed is for a real 1935 film featuring Henry Fonda called "I Dream Too Much." Someone named Syms C. Armstrong of the Burr High School Photoplay Club paid 35 cents to see this, and the film's final percentile score is 63-1/3%. Mullen warns us that very few ever pass the 90% mark, much less score a perfect 100 percentile. When I looked up "I Dreamed Too Much" on IMDB.com, only a few hundred people had seen it, but it's weighted average score was 5.5 out of 10. Apparently, Syms found more to like than today's jaded audiences.
So, which film should I test Mullen's hypothesis out on? Last year's Best Picture Oscar winner? A contemporary film from Frank Capra or John Ford? No, I'm going for a short film, so I can look back and forth between Mullen's ingredients for good photoplay-making, and the screen. Yes, I believe 1987's "Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen" on VHS will do just fine. Don't judge me.
The video is just twenty-six minutes. For Entertainment Value, a big-busted Scottish lass waking up nekkid and going through her day before posing for a pretend photo shoot does have some Entertainment Value. On the +3 to -1 scale, I scored this a +1. The Basic Theme has no significance, so a -1. No Story, either, so we'll goose-egg that section. The Title onscreen is different from the video box, and none of them is listed on IMDB, so I score it a -1. While the Dramatic Plot Structure is stupid, there is some, so +1. Social Value? Um, yeah, zero. Direction gets a +1, Peter Kay does his job and shows off every aspect of Owen's physical talents. Characterization is supposed to include Acting and Speech. The film is narrated by Owen, and photographer James Campbell, but Owen doesn't do very well even playing herself, so another zero. The Settings, Costumes, Make-Up, and Properties are all consistent with a direct-to-video centerfold tape that served as an introduction for Owen to eventually move to more hardcore efforts, so a +2. Lighting and Photography were both blinding and bleached out, so another zero. The Sound and Musical Effects were horrendous. When Owen isn't pleading with you to look her up the next time you are in Scotland, some song I think was called "When a Woman's Alone" assaults your ears. Definitely, a -1. Now then, I multiply the scores by the weight, add the weighted scores, and then divide the total by three. According to the Sarah McLean Mullen Scholastic Score Card For Rating Photoplays, "Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen" gets a pitiful 8.33%. Sorry, love.
The rest of the pamphlet covers how to start a photoplay club in high school, which involves complicated parliamentary procedures, and sexism- girls will appreciate the social aspects of the club, while boys will be more interested in how the film equipment runs. The main focus is Mullen's formula, and it was a hoot to read aged passages like "we are all familiar with climaxes. We have sat breathless during many of them, and have slumped back with a sense of deep relief when they were over," which had me laughing so hard, I did slump back.
I thought about following the inspiring civil disobedience of John Keating, and ripping this pamphlet to shreds, but this was the original 1936 copy. It is so old, I looked at the yellowed library card in back, and it was signed by a humanities professor who taught at the university so long ago, they died, and then had a building constructed and named for them. Oh, Syms, if you only knew what photoplays would be like in almost another one hundred years! Book: (* * *)/Video: (*) out of five stars.
-Unrated video, contains very strong nudity and sexual content
*Get a physical copy of How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club on Amazon here*
Well, while I was skulking around my alma mater's library, I was browsing in the film books section which was impressively diverse for a college with no film studies program at that point. Tucked among the larger books by James Agee, and old Halliwell's Film Guides, I found a 63-page pamphlet entitled "How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club" by Sarah McLean Mullen. The pamphlet trumpeted its foreword by a William L. Lewin and was published by Scholastic, a weekly newspaper for high school students. I sat down to read, and found the copyright date for this revised edition- 1936. Oh, this was going to be good.
While the yawny foreword talked of Lewin's nationwide research into using films for education, Mullen's material was the best part to digest. In the back of the pamphlet, I found what Mullen has called a "Scholastic Score Card For Rating Photoplays." Ten aspects of a judged film is rated on a weighted scale, the scores are totaled, and the total weighted score, after a little more math, gives you a percentile rating that tells you whether a film is good or not. As an audience, we all have expectations when seeing a photoplay, their irritating term for movies, and the Score Card slices through all the physical discomforts we experience at the theater, giving us a true indication of a film's worthiness.
The ten items judged are: Entertainment Value, Basic Theme, Story, Title, Dramatic Plot Structure, Social Value, Direction, Characterization, Settings-Costuming-Make-up-Properties, Lighting and Photography, and Sound and Musical Effects. Interestingly enough, the sample Score Card printed is for a real 1935 film featuring Henry Fonda called "I Dream Too Much." Someone named Syms C. Armstrong of the Burr High School Photoplay Club paid 35 cents to see this, and the film's final percentile score is 63-1/3%. Mullen warns us that very few ever pass the 90% mark, much less score a perfect 100 percentile. When I looked up "I Dreamed Too Much" on IMDB.com, only a few hundred people had seen it, but it's weighted average score was 5.5 out of 10. Apparently, Syms found more to like than today's jaded audiences.
So, which film should I test Mullen's hypothesis out on? Last year's Best Picture Oscar winner? A contemporary film from Frank Capra or John Ford? No, I'm going for a short film, so I can look back and forth between Mullen's ingredients for good photoplay-making, and the screen. Yes, I believe 1987's "Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen" on VHS will do just fine. Don't judge me.
The video is just twenty-six minutes. For Entertainment Value, a big-busted Scottish lass waking up nekkid and going through her day before posing for a pretend photo shoot does have some Entertainment Value. On the +3 to -1 scale, I scored this a +1. The Basic Theme has no significance, so a -1. No Story, either, so we'll goose-egg that section. The Title onscreen is different from the video box, and none of them is listed on IMDB, so I score it a -1. While the Dramatic Plot Structure is stupid, there is some, so +1. Social Value? Um, yeah, zero. Direction gets a +1, Peter Kay does his job and shows off every aspect of Owen's physical talents. Characterization is supposed to include Acting and Speech. The film is narrated by Owen, and photographer James Campbell, but Owen doesn't do very well even playing herself, so another zero. The Settings, Costumes, Make-Up, and Properties are all consistent with a direct-to-video centerfold tape that served as an introduction for Owen to eventually move to more hardcore efforts, so a +2. Lighting and Photography were both blinding and bleached out, so another zero. The Sound and Musical Effects were horrendous. When Owen isn't pleading with you to look her up the next time you are in Scotland, some song I think was called "When a Woman's Alone" assaults your ears. Definitely, a -1. Now then, I multiply the scores by the weight, add the weighted scores, and then divide the total by three. According to the Sarah McLean Mullen Scholastic Score Card For Rating Photoplays, "Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen" gets a pitiful 8.33%. Sorry, love.
The rest of the pamphlet covers how to start a photoplay club in high school, which involves complicated parliamentary procedures, and sexism- girls will appreciate the social aspects of the club, while boys will be more interested in how the film equipment runs. The main focus is Mullen's formula, and it was a hoot to read aged passages like "we are all familiar with climaxes. We have sat breathless during many of them, and have slumped back with a sense of deep relief when they were over," which had me laughing so hard, I did slump back.
I thought about following the inspiring civil disobedience of John Keating, and ripping this pamphlet to shreds, but this was the original 1936 copy. It is so old, I looked at the yellowed library card in back, and it was signed by a humanities professor who taught at the university so long ago, they died, and then had a building constructed and named for them. Oh, Syms, if you only knew what photoplays would be like in almost another one hundred years! Book: (* * *)/Video: (*) out of five stars.
-Unrated video, contains very strong nudity and sexual content
*Get a physical copy of How to Judge Motion Pictures, and How to Organize a Photoplay Club on Amazon here*
Let Me Count the Ways: "101 Love Positions" (2001)
When I saw this video, I thought, "what, two people are just going to show me over a hundred sexual positions in the course of two hours?" Well, yes.
A young, tan, rather hairless thin guy and a freckled girl reenact, in softcore fashion, sexual positions for two solid hours. This is not hardcore pornography, nothing is really seen up close, the two simply act out sexual positions. The video begins with a screen reading "1," the couple do some position for about a minute, then "2." I thought I would transcribe my copious notes into this review, giving you insight into what I write and how I observed the video. The numbers on the left denote the sexual position, and then my comments:
1- Oh, yeah, here we go
2- Did he just bite her ear?
3- She has a tattoo
5- Hey, that's just a variation on number 4
8- I'm bored
10- Where did the couch go?
14- No freaking way
15- If I could bend like that, I wouldn't need a sexual partner
17- What is this, gym class?
19- That's just 18, from another camera angle
21- They have somehow managed to have sex out into the backyard
24- I've done that...with a turkey wishbone after Thanksgiving dinner
25- I doubt I could use mine to lift a whole person
28- There's the couch
33- Where's her other foot?!? Oh, there it is
37- Isn't that assault?
47- We're at 47? Did I fall asleep?
51- Over half way there!
52- They're back on the porch
53- "C'mon, honey, let's go outside and I'll dangle you off the front door for all the neighbors to see."
61- Are those bruises?
64- Why do the people next door to me have a dog? Dogs aren't allowed in my apartment building
68- I am laughing, I swear
69- What they are doing is not what anyone else associates with the number 69
71- He just bit her foot
72- No freaking way
76- The dog next door finally stopped barking
79- Two killed in bizarre sexual position video accident, film at eleven
84- The end is near...so to speak
88- And now we found an outdoor table
90- He just bit her back
93- I am laughing again
94- NOW we find the swimming pool?
99- I thought you couldn't have sex in the pool for fifteen minutes after you ate, or else you'd cramp up?
101- In or out, buddy?
I cannot believe I watched the whole thing. Before you get too excited, there is no oral sex. They may boast that there are over one hundred positions, but actually only a couple of dozen are done with little variation. The two cast members, uncredited, probably shot this in an afternoon. They both look tired, and their hair is frizzed and dried out. There is no sound from them, just badly done new age music, so when they speak, your lip reading might pick up "I love you," "stop biting me," or "we're only in the mid-40's?" The positions are not named, either, so be careful if you tell your partner "tonight, I want to do number two on you," and others overhear. Same sex partners look elsewhere, as well. This is man and woman illustrating safe procreating sex, badly.
"101 Love Positions" is supposed to bring couples together and enrich their relationship. Too bad a video celebrating closeness is so anonymous and devoid of feeling. (*) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains very strong nudity and sexual content, sexual references
*Get a physical copy of "101 Love Positions" on Amazon here*
A young, tan, rather hairless thin guy and a freckled girl reenact, in softcore fashion, sexual positions for two solid hours. This is not hardcore pornography, nothing is really seen up close, the two simply act out sexual positions. The video begins with a screen reading "1," the couple do some position for about a minute, then "2." I thought I would transcribe my copious notes into this review, giving you insight into what I write and how I observed the video. The numbers on the left denote the sexual position, and then my comments:
1- Oh, yeah, here we go
2- Did he just bite her ear?
3- She has a tattoo
5- Hey, that's just a variation on number 4
8- I'm bored
10- Where did the couch go?
14- No freaking way
15- If I could bend like that, I wouldn't need a sexual partner
17- What is this, gym class?
19- That's just 18, from another camera angle
21- They have somehow managed to have sex out into the backyard
24- I've done that...with a turkey wishbone after Thanksgiving dinner
25- I doubt I could use mine to lift a whole person
28- There's the couch
33- Where's her other foot?!? Oh, there it is
37- Isn't that assault?
47- We're at 47? Did I fall asleep?
51- Over half way there!
52- They're back on the porch
53- "C'mon, honey, let's go outside and I'll dangle you off the front door for all the neighbors to see."
61- Are those bruises?
64- Why do the people next door to me have a dog? Dogs aren't allowed in my apartment building
68- I am laughing, I swear
69- What they are doing is not what anyone else associates with the number 69
71- He just bit her foot
72- No freaking way
76- The dog next door finally stopped barking
79- Two killed in bizarre sexual position video accident, film at eleven
84- The end is near...so to speak
88- And now we found an outdoor table
90- He just bit her back
93- I am laughing again
94- NOW we find the swimming pool?
99- I thought you couldn't have sex in the pool for fifteen minutes after you ate, or else you'd cramp up?
101- In or out, buddy?
I cannot believe I watched the whole thing. Before you get too excited, there is no oral sex. They may boast that there are over one hundred positions, but actually only a couple of dozen are done with little variation. The two cast members, uncredited, probably shot this in an afternoon. They both look tired, and their hair is frizzed and dried out. There is no sound from them, just badly done new age music, so when they speak, your lip reading might pick up "I love you," "stop biting me," or "we're only in the mid-40's?" The positions are not named, either, so be careful if you tell your partner "tonight, I want to do number two on you," and others overhear. Same sex partners look elsewhere, as well. This is man and woman illustrating safe procreating sex, badly.
"101 Love Positions" is supposed to bring couples together and enrich their relationship. Too bad a video celebrating closeness is so anonymous and devoid of feeling. (*) out of five stars.
-Not Rated, contains very strong nudity and sexual content, sexual references
*Get a physical copy of "101 Love Positions" on Amazon here*
Let's Lose This Found Footage: "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" (2012)
It seems that for every one tolerable "found footage" film there are at least ten terrible efforts. This monstrosity falls squarely in the latter category.
A group of six or so douches- not literal douches, but no one to root for, either- set out to an abandoned dormitory in Chicago to make a documentary about mass murderer Richard Speck, who killed eight nurses in one night in 1966. This isn't just any documentary, they want to capture the ghost of Speck on video since he died in prison years ago, and luckily they have the necessary ghost hunting equipment like EVP devices, sensitive microphones, infrared video recording technology, and, most importantly, a remote-control toy truck named Clyde with a teeny-tiny camera on it.
I'm not going to bother you with characters' names and such, one poor guy is killed within thirty seconds of the film's beginning, because the film is shot so badly I couldn't tell half the cast apart. The two dude cameramen look exactly alike, as do two blonde female crew members. One scene has a camera guy and one of the blondes exploring on their own, and I had no clue who I was looking at. The special effects include lots of blood smudges, and people getting dragged away by unseen forces- could we call a moratorium on THAT? There is no credited cast or crew, since this was "found at the scene," and somehow expertly cobbled together by the Chicago Police Department's in-house found footage editing task force.
Richard Speck was a disgusting piece of humanity. Google his name, and thousands of articles pop up detailing his crimes, and his shocking existence in jail. The screenwriter couldn't get the basic story of the crime right, and errors abound throughout the film. Getting actors to improvise can sometimes work, but here everyone screams at each other trying to be heard, resulting in something much less than Altmanesque. This technique is simply lazy writing. Giving people a general direction ("you're scared") with little characterization, then yelling "action" is obviously not working in this genre. There is a distasteful scene involving spectral sexual assault that would serve as a low point in any film, or acting resume, much less a cheap found footage horror flick that somehow found its way onto a streaming service. The only plus is the abandoned hospital, located in Los Angeles, that serves as the film's location.
"100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" is pure garbage. The explanation of the title is too stupid to be believed, and so is the rest of the film. (1/2 *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" on Amazon here*
A group of six or so douches- not literal douches, but no one to root for, either- set out to an abandoned dormitory in Chicago to make a documentary about mass murderer Richard Speck, who killed eight nurses in one night in 1966. This isn't just any documentary, they want to capture the ghost of Speck on video since he died in prison years ago, and luckily they have the necessary ghost hunting equipment like EVP devices, sensitive microphones, infrared video recording technology, and, most importantly, a remote-control toy truck named Clyde with a teeny-tiny camera on it.
I'm not going to bother you with characters' names and such, one poor guy is killed within thirty seconds of the film's beginning, because the film is shot so badly I couldn't tell half the cast apart. The two dude cameramen look exactly alike, as do two blonde female crew members. One scene has a camera guy and one of the blondes exploring on their own, and I had no clue who I was looking at. The special effects include lots of blood smudges, and people getting dragged away by unseen forces- could we call a moratorium on THAT? There is no credited cast or crew, since this was "found at the scene," and somehow expertly cobbled together by the Chicago Police Department's in-house found footage editing task force.
Richard Speck was a disgusting piece of humanity. Google his name, and thousands of articles pop up detailing his crimes, and his shocking existence in jail. The screenwriter couldn't get the basic story of the crime right, and errors abound throughout the film. Getting actors to improvise can sometimes work, but here everyone screams at each other trying to be heard, resulting in something much less than Altmanesque. This technique is simply lazy writing. Giving people a general direction ("you're scared") with little characterization, then yelling "action" is obviously not working in this genre. There is a distasteful scene involving spectral sexual assault that would serve as a low point in any film, or acting resume, much less a cheap found footage horror flick that somehow found its way onto a streaming service. The only plus is the abandoned hospital, located in Los Angeles, that serves as the film's location.
"100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" is pure garbage. The explanation of the title is too stupid to be believed, and so is the rest of the film. (1/2 *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" on Amazon here*
FILM & TV INDEX
#
10 Questions for the Dalai Lama (2006) ****
100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck (2012) 1/2*
101 Dalmatians (1996) **
101 Love Positions (2001) *
13th Child (2002) 1/2*
The 13th Warrior (1999) ****1/2
17 Miracles (2011) ***
200 American (2003) **
2012: Supernova (2009) 1/2*
211 (2018) *
28 Days Later (2002) *****
The 2nd (2020) *1/2
$30 (1999) ****
The 39 Steps (1935) ****1/2
41 (2007) *****
50 Cent: Refuse 2 Die (2005) *
54 (1998) ***
8 1/2 (1963) ****1/2
9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991) *
976-EVIL (1988) ***
99 Women (1969) *1/2
A
The Abductors (1972) *
Abe & Bruno (2006) 1/2*
Aberration (1997) 1/2*
Abilene Town (1946) ***
Able Edwards (2004) ****
About Adam (2000) *****
Absence of the Good (1999) **1/2
Absolute Power (1997) ****1/2
The Absolution of Anthony (1997) ***
The Abyss (1989) ****
Acacia (2003) *****
The Accompanist (1992) ****1/2
Across the Moon (1994) ***
Act of Vengeance (1986) **
The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (1975) **
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000) **1/2
Afraid of the Dark (1991) *****
Against a Crooked Sky (1975) *1/2
Against Her Will: An Incident in Baltimore (1992) ***
Against the Wall (1994) ****
Age Isn't Everything (1991) 1/2*
Agent Red (2000) 1/2*
Agony: The Life and Death of Rasputin (1981) ****1/2
Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer (1992) *****
The Alarmist (1997) **
Alaska (1996) *
Alex & Emma (1993) 1/2*
Alice in Acidland (1969) ****
Alice's Restaurant (1969) *1/2
Alien Abduction (2014) ****
Alien Arsenal (1999) *1/2
Alien Hunter (2003) **
Alien Intruder (1993) 1/2*
Aliens from Outer Space (2011) 1/2*
All About Eve (1950) *****
All Over the Guy (2001) ****
All the Vermeers in New York (1990) *
Alley Cat (1984) **
Almost Famous (2000) *****
Almost Invisible (2010) 1/2*
Almost You (1984) ****
The Amazing Panda Adventure (1995) *1/2
The Amazing Transplant (1970) 1/2*
The Ambulance (1990) *1/2
American Bullfighter (2004) ****
The American Friend (1974) **
American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore (2014) ***1/2
American Heart (1992) ****
American Nightmare (2002) ****
American Ninja (1985) 1/2*
American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987) 1/2*
American Outlaws (2001) 1/2*
American Pie (1999) *
American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) 1/2*
American Pop (1981) *1/2
American Son (2008) ****
An American Vampire Story (1997) 1/2*
American Virgin (1999) 1/2*
Amish Grace (2010) ***
Amityville: No Escape (2016) 1/2*
Amnesia (1997) *1/2
Amos & Andrew (1993) **
Anaconda (1997) ***
Analyze That (2002) ***
Anarchy TV (1998) ***1/2
Anastasia (1997) *
Angels & Demons (2009) ***1/2
...Around (2008) ****
Attack of the Doc! (2023) ***1/2
B
The Betty White Show {"Under Cover Woman" #1.1} (1977) ***1/2
Boys Briefs (1999) ***
Boys Life 3 (2000) ****
A Bright Shining Lie (1998) *****
C
A Candle in the Dark (1998) ****
Captivity (2007) 1/2*
Comedy Central Presents {"Nick Swardson" #4.6} (2001) ****
Comedy Central Presents {"Nick Swardson: 2" #10.14} (2006) ***
D
Dan Candy's Law (1974) **
Doc (1971) ****1/2
E
Eegah (1962) *
eXposed: The Making of a Legend (2005) ****
F
Fairy Tale (1998) ****
Front Room (1997) 1/2*
G
G.I. Jane (1997) **
Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen (1987) *
Gone But Not Forgotten (2005) *1/2
Greatest Heroes of the Bible {"David & Goliath" #1.1} (1978) 1/2*
Greatest Heroes of the Bible {"Abraham's Sacrifice" #2.6} (1979) 1/2*
H
Hitch (2000) ***
I
Inside Out (1996) ****
It's the Rage (1999) ***
J
Just One Time (1998) ****
K
A Knight for a Day (1946) *****
M
Majorettes in Space (1996) ****
A Mighty Wind (2003) ***
N
A Name for Evil (1973) **1/2
P
Pet Shop Boys: Home and Dry (2002) *
Piglets (1999) ****
The Punisher (1989) *
The Punisher (2004) ***
The Purge (2013) *
S
Showdown (1985) 1/2*
Smear (1998) ***
Stanley Beloved (1998) ***
T
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) *1/2
Three Men and a Cradle (1985) ***1/2
A Touch of Class (1973) **
The True Story of Jesse James (1957) ***
The Turning Point (1977) ****
W
A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014) *****
White Slave (1985) *
10 Questions for the Dalai Lama (2006) ****
100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck (2012) 1/2*
101 Dalmatians (1996) **
101 Love Positions (2001) *
13th Child (2002) 1/2*
The 13th Warrior (1999) ****1/2
17 Miracles (2011) ***
200 American (2003) **
2012: Supernova (2009) 1/2*
211 (2018) *
28 Days Later (2002) *****
The 2nd (2020) *1/2
$30 (1999) ****
The 39 Steps (1935) ****1/2
41 (2007) *****
50 Cent: Refuse 2 Die (2005) *
54 (1998) ***
8 1/2 (1963) ****1/2
9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991) *
976-EVIL (1988) ***
99 Women (1969) *1/2
A
The Abductors (1972) *
Abe & Bruno (2006) 1/2*
Aberration (1997) 1/2*
Abilene Town (1946) ***
Able Edwards (2004) ****
About Adam (2000) *****
Absence of the Good (1999) **1/2
Absolute Power (1997) ****1/2
The Absolution of Anthony (1997) ***
The Abyss (1989) ****
Acacia (2003) *****
The Accompanist (1992) ****1/2
Across the Moon (1994) ***
Act of Vengeance (1986) **
The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (1975) **
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000) **1/2
Afraid of the Dark (1991) *****
Against a Crooked Sky (1975) *1/2
Against Her Will: An Incident in Baltimore (1992) ***
Against the Wall (1994) ****
Age Isn't Everything (1991) 1/2*
Agent Red (2000) 1/2*
Agony: The Life and Death of Rasputin (1981) ****1/2
Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer (1992) *****
The Alarmist (1997) **
Alaska (1996) *
Alex & Emma (1993) 1/2*
Alice in Acidland (1969) ****
Alice's Restaurant (1969) *1/2
Alien Abduction (2014) ****
Alien Arsenal (1999) *1/2
Alien Hunter (2003) **
Alien Intruder (1993) 1/2*
Aliens from Outer Space (2011) 1/2*
All About Eve (1950) *****
All Over the Guy (2001) ****
All the Vermeers in New York (1990) *
Alley Cat (1984) **
Almost Famous (2000) *****
Almost Invisible (2010) 1/2*
Almost You (1984) ****
The Amazing Panda Adventure (1995) *1/2
The Amazing Transplant (1970) 1/2*
The Ambulance (1990) *1/2
American Bullfighter (2004) ****
The American Friend (1974) **
American Guinea Pig: Bouquet of Guts and Gore (2014) ***1/2
American Heart (1992) ****
American Nightmare (2002) ****
American Ninja (1985) 1/2*
American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987) 1/2*
American Outlaws (2001) 1/2*
American Pie (1999) *
American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) 1/2*
American Pop (1981) *1/2
American Son (2008) ****
An American Vampire Story (1997) 1/2*
American Virgin (1999) 1/2*
Amish Grace (2010) ***
Amityville: No Escape (2016) 1/2*
Amnesia (1997) *1/2
Amos & Andrew (1993) **
Anaconda (1997) ***
Analyze That (2002) ***
Anarchy TV (1998) ***1/2
Anastasia (1997) *
Angels & Demons (2009) ***1/2
...Around (2008) ****
Attack of the Doc! (2023) ***1/2
B
The Betty White Show {"Under Cover Woman" #1.1} (1977) ***1/2
Boys Briefs (1999) ***
Boys Life 3 (2000) ****
A Bright Shining Lie (1998) *****
C
A Candle in the Dark (1998) ****
Captivity (2007) 1/2*
Comedy Central Presents {"Nick Swardson" #4.6} (2001) ****
Comedy Central Presents {"Nick Swardson: 2" #10.14} (2006) ***
D
Dan Candy's Law (1974) **
Doc (1971) ****1/2
E
Eegah (1962) *
eXposed: The Making of a Legend (2005) ****
F
Fairy Tale (1998) ****
Front Room (1997) 1/2*
G
G.I. Jane (1997) **
Gent Video Centerfold #4: Stacey Owen (1987) *
Gone But Not Forgotten (2005) *1/2
Greatest Heroes of the Bible {"David & Goliath" #1.1} (1978) 1/2*
Greatest Heroes of the Bible {"Abraham's Sacrifice" #2.6} (1979) 1/2*
H
Hitch (2000) ***
I
Inside Out (1996) ****
It's the Rage (1999) ***
J
Just One Time (1998) ****
K
A Knight for a Day (1946) *****
M
Majorettes in Space (1996) ****
A Mighty Wind (2003) ***
N
A Name for Evil (1973) **1/2
P
Pet Shop Boys: Home and Dry (2002) *
Piglets (1999) ****
The Punisher (1989) *
The Punisher (2004) ***
The Purge (2013) *
S
Showdown (1985) 1/2*
Smear (1998) ***
Stanley Beloved (1998) ***
T
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) *1/2
Three Men and a Cradle (1985) ***1/2
A Touch of Class (1973) **
The True Story of Jesse James (1957) ***
The Turning Point (1977) ****
W
A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014) *****
White Slave (1985) *
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)