This review contains spoilers. Two newlyweds in 1965 get stuck on a lonely highway in Mississippi, and the guy walks back up the highway for help. A monster happens by, kills the dog, and assaults the new bride. Seventeen years later, the offspring son of that assault is having medical problems, and the now older married couple make like Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys Mysteries, going back to the small town near where she was attacked, hoping to find clues as to who the "father" was. The son follows, develops a thirst for blood, and attacks people related to a murder from years before. At this point, I began to lose track of most of the names of characters and the stereotypical rubes they trot out just because this is how Hollywood thinks people from the South act. You would think Ronny Cox would have learned his lesson after "Deliverance." Eventually, we find out the bride was attacked by the local chained up cannibal, who somehow has been reincarnated in its offspring's body. Gore and mayhem follow.
There are incredible leaps in logic here that are never explained. How does the son know to follow the parents to the small town? Why does Cox get to ride with the cops and basically have his run of things? At one point, a character asks the same question, and he is never answered either. How did the creature get the power to take over the identity of his son, shedding his offspring's skin like a snake? Why does the creature resemble a giant brown Pillsbury dough boy, covered in sugary glaze? We probably will never know. The film has a good, expensive look to it, but we are treated to a rube who slaps his teenage girl around, not one but TWO scenes of the creature raping women he finds passed out in the woods, and one of the longest monster transformation scenes ever put on film. I am surprised no cast member checked their watch as they watched the teenage son turn into the assaulting, cannibalistic creature. Everyone just stands, stares, and gasps. An abrupt ending is just the slime on the cake of one icky film. "The Beast Within" is without merit. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Beast Within" on Amazon here*
Wednesday, June 26, 2024
The Bore in the Cellar: "The Beast in the Cellar" (1971)
This review contains spoilers. Beryl Reid is Ellie and Flora Robson is Joyce in this very British, and very dull, horror effort.
The film seems like a stage play, as soldiers from a local base are murdered by what seems to be an animal. Ellie and Joyce are spinster sisters living in an isolated house, regularly visited by another young corporal. Ellie and Joyce realize their brother Steven might be responsible for the murders since the victims are all uniformed servicemen, Steven wanted to be in the military, and, oh yeah, he has been walled up in the basement for thirty years.
The attacks on the soldiers are all closeups and blurry shots. The majority of the film has Ellie and Joyce arguing about mundane matters, dancing around the fact that they are sure they know who the killer is. Later in the film, Beryl Reid is given a very nice long scene as she talks to the police about her upbringing, and the circumstances of Steven's imprisonment. Flora Robson is equally good as the level headed sister with a warped maternal instinct. Because the films feels like a play, there are some very long dull stretches here. The attacks on the soldiers may have been an effort to open the proceedings up a bit, but as horror, this does not work. Also, the running time reads 89 minutes, and online research has a version listed with thirteen additional minutes. This is obvious in a couple of very strange edits and shortened scenes. There is also little suspense to the killer's identity, since all the reviews and video box notes I read told of the brother. The cast does not figure it out until well into the film. Reid and Robson, two grand dames of British film and television, are excellent in their roles. It is too bad director Kelley could not come up with better material to match his actresses' performances. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Beast in the Cellar" on Amazon here*
The film seems like a stage play, as soldiers from a local base are murdered by what seems to be an animal. Ellie and Joyce are spinster sisters living in an isolated house, regularly visited by another young corporal. Ellie and Joyce realize their brother Steven might be responsible for the murders since the victims are all uniformed servicemen, Steven wanted to be in the military, and, oh yeah, he has been walled up in the basement for thirty years.
The attacks on the soldiers are all closeups and blurry shots. The majority of the film has Ellie and Joyce arguing about mundane matters, dancing around the fact that they are sure they know who the killer is. Later in the film, Beryl Reid is given a very nice long scene as she talks to the police about her upbringing, and the circumstances of Steven's imprisonment. Flora Robson is equally good as the level headed sister with a warped maternal instinct. Because the films feels like a play, there are some very long dull stretches here. The attacks on the soldiers may have been an effort to open the proceedings up a bit, but as horror, this does not work. Also, the running time reads 89 minutes, and online research has a version listed with thirteen additional minutes. This is obvious in a couple of very strange edits and shortened scenes. There is also little suspense to the killer's identity, since all the reviews and video box notes I read told of the brother. The cast does not figure it out until well into the film. Reid and Robson, two grand dames of British film and television, are excellent in their roles. It is too bad director Kelley could not come up with better material to match his actresses' performances. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Beast in the Cellar" on Amazon here*
Tuesday, June 25, 2024
This Film Doesn't Have Enough Balls: "Battlefield Baseball" (2003)
The exploitation fan in me could not wait to slam this sucker in the DVD player and be blown off the couch by wall-to-wall sick comedy and sicker gore. Instead, I was "mildly amused" for about an hour and a half.
Seido High School has an incredible baseball team. Everyone but nerdy student Four Eyes (Atsushi Ito) is at their best, and they are totally prepared for the big tournament coming up. Rumors spread around school about the new student transferring in, Jubeh (Tak Sakaguchi), and then the school's principal Kocho gets horrific news. Seido will be playing Gedo High School in the tourney's opening round. Gedo is made up of monstrous, gray skinned zombies who literally kill their opponents. Jubeh is spotted playing a new kind of baseball- fighting baseball- and is recruited to join the team (think Jackie Earle Haley in the original "The Bad News Bears"). Jubeh refuses, singing a song about why, his father was killed in a game of catch, and Seido is annihilated by Gedo. Our heroic team bands together to play Gedo again, complete with Jubeh, some robotics, and touching narration explaining the bigger philosophies of the game- from a dog.
With the cool DVD cover, I was expecting something completely different. Yes, there are some laughs in "Battlefield Baseball." The Head Teacher who is in a constant state of hysterics. Jubeh's tortured turmoil at going back to baseball. The hilarious cheerleaders. Jubeh's family reunion. The constant use of slapstick. All kind of funny. The gore is badly done, though. The fake blood looks really fake, as does the fake body parts. The zombie make-up is cheap and unconvincing. For a horror comedy, the film does not seem to get either one right. I wanted the gore and the laughs to be bigger and make an impression on my otherwise jaded conscience. Instead, I sat watching the film with a goofy grin on my face, and forgot it pretty soon after. Sakaguchi looks like a Japanese Johnny Depp, and Yamaguchi's direction is over the top and often very clever. The old Subversive Cinema does another good DVD job, with making-of features, a really goofy subtitled commentary, strange short films, and trailers. I wish the film had been as good as the hype and extras. (* * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battlefield Baseball" on Amazon here*
Seido High School has an incredible baseball team. Everyone but nerdy student Four Eyes (Atsushi Ito) is at their best, and they are totally prepared for the big tournament coming up. Rumors spread around school about the new student transferring in, Jubeh (Tak Sakaguchi), and then the school's principal Kocho gets horrific news. Seido will be playing Gedo High School in the tourney's opening round. Gedo is made up of monstrous, gray skinned zombies who literally kill their opponents. Jubeh is spotted playing a new kind of baseball- fighting baseball- and is recruited to join the team (think Jackie Earle Haley in the original "The Bad News Bears"). Jubeh refuses, singing a song about why, his father was killed in a game of catch, and Seido is annihilated by Gedo. Our heroic team bands together to play Gedo again, complete with Jubeh, some robotics, and touching narration explaining the bigger philosophies of the game- from a dog.
With the cool DVD cover, I was expecting something completely different. Yes, there are some laughs in "Battlefield Baseball." The Head Teacher who is in a constant state of hysterics. Jubeh's tortured turmoil at going back to baseball. The hilarious cheerleaders. Jubeh's family reunion. The constant use of slapstick. All kind of funny. The gore is badly done, though. The fake blood looks really fake, as does the fake body parts. The zombie make-up is cheap and unconvincing. For a horror comedy, the film does not seem to get either one right. I wanted the gore and the laughs to be bigger and make an impression on my otherwise jaded conscience. Instead, I sat watching the film with a goofy grin on my face, and forgot it pretty soon after. Sakaguchi looks like a Japanese Johnny Depp, and Yamaguchi's direction is over the top and often very clever. The old Subversive Cinema does another good DVD job, with making-of features, a really goofy subtitled commentary, strange short films, and trailers. I wish the film had been as good as the hype and extras. (* * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battlefield Baseball" on Amazon here*
Another Sequel: "Another Stakeout" (1993)
I admit it. I liked the original "Stakeout." I saw it in its initial run in the '80's, and thought Dreyfuss and Estevez had some weird chemistry that worked. The script was a little routine, but with flashes of intelligence. Madeleine Stowe was great, Aidan Quinn was a good villain, so the whole thing was pretty enjoyable. This sequel reunites the three elements that made the first one work: cast, director, and writer- something rare for sequels. So why does this outing stink so bad?
The film opens promisingly enough with Tony (Miguel Ferrer) trying to kill mob trial witness Lu (the always entertaining Cathy Moriarty). He gets a lot of federal agents and her boyfriend killed, but Lu disappears after a fiery explosion and some very good camera and stuntwork. Cut to our heroes Chris (Richard Dreyfuss) and Bill (Emilio Estevez). They are chasing a baddie not related to the film's main plot, exchanging one liners and running around. Problems with this sequel are already evident. Chris and Bill are not funny here. Their dialogue seems forced, it does not flow naturally like the first film's did. Chris and Bill are assigned to stakeout a house where Lu may be hiding after her disappearance. Also along for the ride is Gina (Rosie O'Donnell), an assistant D. A. with no prior police experience. Hope she doesn't mess anything up! The trio watches the house of Pam (Marcia Strassman) and Brian O'Hara (Dennis Farina). Sure, Lu might be there, but it's a long shot, she is probably somewhere else. Although if she were, we would not have a movie. Chris poses as Bill's dad, and Gina is the second wife. They do not really learn their fake backgrounds, because they obviously will not have any contact with the O'Haras. Of course, they do. Chris and Bill do not get along with Gina. Tony is also looking for Lu to finish the job. John Rubenstein is here in a completely unnecessary role as a prosecutor who is really in the mob's pocket. You may have figured out that Lu is at the O'Hara's, but director Badham's climax does not match the opening for sheer visceral excitement. Chris and Bill do not find Lu by lieu of the stakeout, but by an ineptitude not evident in the first film.
Who is to blame? The cast? Dreyfuss and Estevez go through the motions, but the humor is not there. Nothing flows smoothly, they overplay everything. There is a tedious running gag about Bill having to shave his mustache. Chris is trying to get back together with first film stakeout subject Maria (Madeleine Stowe). Hmm, a sequel where the couple from the first film has split up- I think the last movie series where the couple actually stayed together for the duration was William Powell and Myrna Loy in the "The Thin Man" series. Maria has turned into a shrew, so I did not care one way or the other. The script is problematic. The crooked prosecutor, the hitman who can kill dozens of bit players but never gets that one fatal shot off against our heroes, the stressed police captain (Dan Lauria) from the first film)- these are all stock characters who even Syd Field must have tired of seeing. You really cannot blame Rosie, she gamely goes through her shtick, but Dreyfuss and Estevez are so busy with each other, O'Donnell is given no one to play off of. Strassman and Farina are blanks, dropped before the film's typical shoot-shoot-bang-bang finale. John Badham- you know the name. For every good film he makes ("Saturday Night Fever," "Blue Thunder"), he matches it with a bad one ("Nick of Time," "Bird on a Wire"). In this sequel, he has a tendency to tilt his camera to the side for no plausible reason. He tries to shoot this as a comedy, keeping every awkward scene Estevez and Dreyfuss needed to try to keep things light, when the editor should have shaved twenty minutes off of this.
"Another Stakeout" is a mess. Nothing works, which is a surprise since so many things from the first film advanced to the sequel. Thankfully, the series died here, sparing us from such badly titled entries as "Still Another Stakeout" and "Stakeout Academy: Mission to Moscow." Treasure your goodwill for the first film, and ignore this one. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Stakeout" on Amazon here*
The film opens promisingly enough with Tony (Miguel Ferrer) trying to kill mob trial witness Lu (the always entertaining Cathy Moriarty). He gets a lot of federal agents and her boyfriend killed, but Lu disappears after a fiery explosion and some very good camera and stuntwork. Cut to our heroes Chris (Richard Dreyfuss) and Bill (Emilio Estevez). They are chasing a baddie not related to the film's main plot, exchanging one liners and running around. Problems with this sequel are already evident. Chris and Bill are not funny here. Their dialogue seems forced, it does not flow naturally like the first film's did. Chris and Bill are assigned to stakeout a house where Lu may be hiding after her disappearance. Also along for the ride is Gina (Rosie O'Donnell), an assistant D. A. with no prior police experience. Hope she doesn't mess anything up! The trio watches the house of Pam (Marcia Strassman) and Brian O'Hara (Dennis Farina). Sure, Lu might be there, but it's a long shot, she is probably somewhere else. Although if she were, we would not have a movie. Chris poses as Bill's dad, and Gina is the second wife. They do not really learn their fake backgrounds, because they obviously will not have any contact with the O'Haras. Of course, they do. Chris and Bill do not get along with Gina. Tony is also looking for Lu to finish the job. John Rubenstein is here in a completely unnecessary role as a prosecutor who is really in the mob's pocket. You may have figured out that Lu is at the O'Hara's, but director Badham's climax does not match the opening for sheer visceral excitement. Chris and Bill do not find Lu by lieu of the stakeout, but by an ineptitude not evident in the first film.
Who is to blame? The cast? Dreyfuss and Estevez go through the motions, but the humor is not there. Nothing flows smoothly, they overplay everything. There is a tedious running gag about Bill having to shave his mustache. Chris is trying to get back together with first film stakeout subject Maria (Madeleine Stowe). Hmm, a sequel where the couple from the first film has split up- I think the last movie series where the couple actually stayed together for the duration was William Powell and Myrna Loy in the "The Thin Man" series. Maria has turned into a shrew, so I did not care one way or the other. The script is problematic. The crooked prosecutor, the hitman who can kill dozens of bit players but never gets that one fatal shot off against our heroes, the stressed police captain (Dan Lauria) from the first film)- these are all stock characters who even Syd Field must have tired of seeing. You really cannot blame Rosie, she gamely goes through her shtick, but Dreyfuss and Estevez are so busy with each other, O'Donnell is given no one to play off of. Strassman and Farina are blanks, dropped before the film's typical shoot-shoot-bang-bang finale. John Badham- you know the name. For every good film he makes ("Saturday Night Fever," "Blue Thunder"), he matches it with a bad one ("Nick of Time," "Bird on a Wire"). In this sequel, he has a tendency to tilt his camera to the side for no plausible reason. He tries to shoot this as a comedy, keeping every awkward scene Estevez and Dreyfuss needed to try to keep things light, when the editor should have shaved twenty minutes off of this.
"Another Stakeout" is a mess. Nothing works, which is a surprise since so many things from the first film advanced to the sequel. Thankfully, the series died here, sparing us from such badly titled entries as "Still Another Stakeout" and "Stakeout Academy: Mission to Moscow." Treasure your goodwill for the first film, and ignore this one. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Stakeout" on Amazon here*
Hinder Sight is 2020: "Battle Queen 2020" (2001)
Julie Strain teams with Roger Corman for a terrible science fiction epic shot with a budget equal to the amount of change under your couch cushions.
A giant asteroid has hit the Earth and wiped out most of the population. Some do survive. The Elites are a group of cigar chomping high rollers who have plenty of mistresses and little care for the normal folk (yes, just like the U. S. Congress). The rest of the people live underground, where they hold out that the rebel army, and you just knew there would be a rebel army, will deliver them from the Elites. Strain is Gayle, the head mistress of the Elites. She is busy sleeping with the Elite leader, Spencer (Jeff Wincott). Crazy Dr. Braxton (Bill Baker) has underground dwellers kidnapped and takes their brain glands, keeping the Elites immortal. Military style leader Manson (Brian Frank) is tired of Spencer's softening with the underground people, and plots a coup. In the meantime, Gayle meets a cute little girl, and you just knew there would be a cute little girl, and young Clare (Jade Kroll) shows Gayle that there is more to live for than just constant wealth and sex...I guess.
As with any Julie Strain film, I marveled at her immense screen presence, and how her physical stature dwarfs all the other silliness going on. Most of the film is shot on a cheesy soundstage that looks like it was rented in between porn shoots. The special effects are awful. Cheap computer animation is everywhere. The script can be blamed on four writers and an "additional writing" credit. Plotlines are introduced and dropped- Gayle's brother, little sick Billy, new mistress Michelle- all especially noticeable in an eighty minute film. D'or's direction is standard, you cannot show the world your true cinematic vision with a two room set, a five dollar budget, and half a dozen clueless extras. Listen for the voiceover, as a grown up Clare laments her days spent in the brothel. Or Gayle's hypothermia treatment, where warm water is cascaded over her chest. Or the goofy actionless escape sequence, where the narrator must tell you what happens, instead of the audience actually seeing a fight. Or the laughable finale, with some of the worst computer animation ever rendered.
Enjoy "Battle Queen 2020" on a "bad movie" level. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battle Queen 2020" on Amazon here*
A giant asteroid has hit the Earth and wiped out most of the population. Some do survive. The Elites are a group of cigar chomping high rollers who have plenty of mistresses and little care for the normal folk (yes, just like the U. S. Congress). The rest of the people live underground, where they hold out that the rebel army, and you just knew there would be a rebel army, will deliver them from the Elites. Strain is Gayle, the head mistress of the Elites. She is busy sleeping with the Elite leader, Spencer (Jeff Wincott). Crazy Dr. Braxton (Bill Baker) has underground dwellers kidnapped and takes their brain glands, keeping the Elites immortal. Military style leader Manson (Brian Frank) is tired of Spencer's softening with the underground people, and plots a coup. In the meantime, Gayle meets a cute little girl, and you just knew there would be a cute little girl, and young Clare (Jade Kroll) shows Gayle that there is more to live for than just constant wealth and sex...I guess.
As with any Julie Strain film, I marveled at her immense screen presence, and how her physical stature dwarfs all the other silliness going on. Most of the film is shot on a cheesy soundstage that looks like it was rented in between porn shoots. The special effects are awful. Cheap computer animation is everywhere. The script can be blamed on four writers and an "additional writing" credit. Plotlines are introduced and dropped- Gayle's brother, little sick Billy, new mistress Michelle- all especially noticeable in an eighty minute film. D'or's direction is standard, you cannot show the world your true cinematic vision with a two room set, a five dollar budget, and half a dozen clueless extras. Listen for the voiceover, as a grown up Clare laments her days spent in the brothel. Or Gayle's hypothermia treatment, where warm water is cascaded over her chest. Or the goofy actionless escape sequence, where the narrator must tell you what happens, instead of the audience actually seeing a fight. Or the laughable finale, with some of the worst computer animation ever rendered.
Enjoy "Battle Queen 2020" on a "bad movie" level. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battle Queen 2020" on Amazon here*
Battle Forced: "The Biggest Battle" (1978)
Umberto Lenzi used a more American sounding alias for this video version of a public domain film also known by at least half a dozen other names. If ever there was a prime candidate for a really good DVD transfer and deleted scenes restoration, this might be it.
The big name cast meet at Berlin in 1936 after the Olympics. British correspondent O'Hara (John Huston), German officer Roland (Stacy Keach), and American general Foster (Henry Fonda) exchange pleasantries and small tokens of friendship, denying that the three countries would ever be at war. We know better. Eventually, but indirectly, the paths of the three men cross in North Africa.
Trying to follow all of these paths, plus those of characters who really have nothing to do with the main plot, gets to be a chore. Samantha Eggar is Roland's half Jewish wife. The main characters are set, but then the film begins jumping forward in time to major European battles without much characterization or set up. We see Foster's son (Ray Lovelock) get through the war, and Foster himself spends the rest of his scenes in an office waiting for word about him. Sadly, someone forgot to tell Huston he was playing a Brit, since he makes no attempt at an accent. It is funny to hear him call his protege "Yank" in a completely Midwestern American accent. Orson Welles provides ominous narration to try to keep the proceedings moving along, but characters are introduced, play their little scene, and are dropped immediately. The vignettes eventually get in the way of some very spectacular war footage, not much of it being stock. There is a tank battle that probably looked fabulous on the big screen. The English speaking actors are alright, but much of the Italian cast is badly dubbed.
Despite some top flight talent, "The Biggest Battle" feels like a miniseries sliced into a ninety minute film. Lenzi seems more interested in action than dialogue, and it shows. I do not recommend this, except for the action scenes. Also known as "Battle Force." (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battle Force" on Amazon here*
The big name cast meet at Berlin in 1936 after the Olympics. British correspondent O'Hara (John Huston), German officer Roland (Stacy Keach), and American general Foster (Henry Fonda) exchange pleasantries and small tokens of friendship, denying that the three countries would ever be at war. We know better. Eventually, but indirectly, the paths of the three men cross in North Africa.
Trying to follow all of these paths, plus those of characters who really have nothing to do with the main plot, gets to be a chore. Samantha Eggar is Roland's half Jewish wife. The main characters are set, but then the film begins jumping forward in time to major European battles without much characterization or set up. We see Foster's son (Ray Lovelock) get through the war, and Foster himself spends the rest of his scenes in an office waiting for word about him. Sadly, someone forgot to tell Huston he was playing a Brit, since he makes no attempt at an accent. It is funny to hear him call his protege "Yank" in a completely Midwestern American accent. Orson Welles provides ominous narration to try to keep the proceedings moving along, but characters are introduced, play their little scene, and are dropped immediately. The vignettes eventually get in the way of some very spectacular war footage, not much of it being stock. There is a tank battle that probably looked fabulous on the big screen. The English speaking actors are alright, but much of the Italian cast is badly dubbed.
Despite some top flight talent, "The Biggest Battle" feels like a miniseries sliced into a ninety minute film. Lenzi seems more interested in action than dialogue, and it shows. I do not recommend this, except for the action scenes. Also known as "Battle Force." (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Battle Force" on Amazon here*
Guano: "Bats" (1999)
Take flight, or hide in a cave, either way you cannot escape the stupidity of this film.
Dina Meyer is the beautiful bat zoologist Sheila, who is recruited to fly to little Gallup, Texas to investigate some strange bat attacks. Her wisecracking assistant, Jimmy (Leon), is along, able to lighten any bloody situation with a "funny" line. In west Texas, she meets with hunky sheriff Kimsey (Lou Diamond Phillips). Sheila and Kimsey immediately do the cute verbal sparring routine, and investigate the strange bat attacks while making goo-goo eyes at each other. Our bat hunting crew is completed by CDC guy/"I'll be dead before you know it" Hodge (Carlos Jacott) and the mad scientist McCabe (Bob Gunton). The group looks at the remains of a couple of people who were killed in the opening minutes by the bats. The bats were genetically mutated by McCabe, and this mutation is being passed on to other local bats. These bats are collective and able to work together to achieve a common goal- eat people. The small town of Gallup is overrun, in a seriously flawed flight of reason, and everyone is evacuated, except our bat hunters. Using satellite technology, they discover the bats are hanging out in an abandoned mine, and they must get rid of them before the military (who ain't got time to listen to book smart science-types, they just want to blow stuff up) drops a few bombs on the place -which would actually release the bats across the country- but who said they ever had the public's good in mind? Typical Hollywood military treatment. As military jets that haven't been used in fifteen years fly toward the mine, Sheila, Kimsey, and Jimmy work to blow things up themselves, saving the audience from bats and a suggested sequel.
Believe everything negative you have heard about "Bats." The screenwriter's idea of character development is to have the sheriff listen to opera while the group barricades themselves in an abandoned school. Why did the evil McCabe make the evil bats? Don't really know, there are some vague mumblings about the perfect killing machines (something we have never encountered before in superior films) and being able to control them, but we never get a sense of a master diabolical plan. Leon, who has been much better in other films, is embarrassing here. He is given such weak comic relief, I am wondering if he read the script before he signed on. In the first bat attack on the bat hunters, Kimsey and Sheila jump in the sheriff's cars in the nick of time- and then he cannot find his car keys. The characters all march around, huffing and full of themselves, and begin lines with such trite and true dialogue as "let me get this straight, you knew about..." and "are you saying you knew about..." and "if we don't make it you know what to do..." I do believe this is the first draft, not a final screenplay, for a motion picture. The special effects are good and bad. The gore scenes are strong and convincing. The bats are not. One great scene has Kimsey and Sheila running for said sheriff's car, with mountains in the background that seem to be exploding in swarms of bats. Too bad we could not keep the flying rodents at a distance, and the effects degenerate into unconvincing CGI and awful puppetry on par with a third grade assembly. The film's cinematography is gorgeous, better than the film deserves. Every scene is well lit and imaginatively expensive looking. Until the effects started sucking, I thought this was going to be a misunderstood multi-million dollar film. Mourneau is not a bad director, he seems to have been overwhelmed by a poor script and poorer effects. He lets stupid stuff get through: the small town's movie theater marquee reads "Now Playing Nosferatu" (har-dee-har-har); and the weak excuse on why the town did not go indoors when warned is because "we're Texans, and we don't want no one tellin' us things we think we already know." I am originally from Texas, I have family in Texas, and "Bats" knows nothing about Texas- it was filmed in Utah. At least Texans, and the rest of the U. S., knew enough not to flock INTO the theater when this was showing.
"Bats" has gained a notable reputation for its badness, resulting in the near career deaths of Dina Meyer and Lou Diamond Phillips. I cannot recommend this loser. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Bats" on Amazon here*
Dina Meyer is the beautiful bat zoologist Sheila, who is recruited to fly to little Gallup, Texas to investigate some strange bat attacks. Her wisecracking assistant, Jimmy (Leon), is along, able to lighten any bloody situation with a "funny" line. In west Texas, she meets with hunky sheriff Kimsey (Lou Diamond Phillips). Sheila and Kimsey immediately do the cute verbal sparring routine, and investigate the strange bat attacks while making goo-goo eyes at each other. Our bat hunting crew is completed by CDC guy/"I'll be dead before you know it" Hodge (Carlos Jacott) and the mad scientist McCabe (Bob Gunton). The group looks at the remains of a couple of people who were killed in the opening minutes by the bats. The bats were genetically mutated by McCabe, and this mutation is being passed on to other local bats. These bats are collective and able to work together to achieve a common goal- eat people. The small town of Gallup is overrun, in a seriously flawed flight of reason, and everyone is evacuated, except our bat hunters. Using satellite technology, they discover the bats are hanging out in an abandoned mine, and they must get rid of them before the military (who ain't got time to listen to book smart science-types, they just want to blow stuff up) drops a few bombs on the place -which would actually release the bats across the country- but who said they ever had the public's good in mind? Typical Hollywood military treatment. As military jets that haven't been used in fifteen years fly toward the mine, Sheila, Kimsey, and Jimmy work to blow things up themselves, saving the audience from bats and a suggested sequel.
Believe everything negative you have heard about "Bats." The screenwriter's idea of character development is to have the sheriff listen to opera while the group barricades themselves in an abandoned school. Why did the evil McCabe make the evil bats? Don't really know, there are some vague mumblings about the perfect killing machines (something we have never encountered before in superior films) and being able to control them, but we never get a sense of a master diabolical plan. Leon, who has been much better in other films, is embarrassing here. He is given such weak comic relief, I am wondering if he read the script before he signed on. In the first bat attack on the bat hunters, Kimsey and Sheila jump in the sheriff's cars in the nick of time- and then he cannot find his car keys. The characters all march around, huffing and full of themselves, and begin lines with such trite and true dialogue as "let me get this straight, you knew about..." and "are you saying you knew about..." and "if we don't make it you know what to do..." I do believe this is the first draft, not a final screenplay, for a motion picture. The special effects are good and bad. The gore scenes are strong and convincing. The bats are not. One great scene has Kimsey and Sheila running for said sheriff's car, with mountains in the background that seem to be exploding in swarms of bats. Too bad we could not keep the flying rodents at a distance, and the effects degenerate into unconvincing CGI and awful puppetry on par with a third grade assembly. The film's cinematography is gorgeous, better than the film deserves. Every scene is well lit and imaginatively expensive looking. Until the effects started sucking, I thought this was going to be a misunderstood multi-million dollar film. Mourneau is not a bad director, he seems to have been overwhelmed by a poor script and poorer effects. He lets stupid stuff get through: the small town's movie theater marquee reads "Now Playing Nosferatu" (har-dee-har-har); and the weak excuse on why the town did not go indoors when warned is because "we're Texans, and we don't want no one tellin' us things we think we already know." I am originally from Texas, I have family in Texas, and "Bats" knows nothing about Texas- it was filmed in Utah. At least Texans, and the rest of the U. S., knew enough not to flock INTO the theater when this was showing.
"Bats" has gained a notable reputation for its badness, resulting in the near career deaths of Dina Meyer and Lou Diamond Phillips. I cannot recommend this loser. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Bats" on Amazon here*
Sunday, June 23, 2024
Blood Clot: "Baron Blood" (1972)
In Europe, Dr. Hummel (Massimo Girotti) meets his hunky nephew Peter (Antonio Cantafora) at the airport, and begin verbalizing one of the most inane horror scripts ever written (by Vincent Fotre). This review does contain spoilers.
Peter decides to do a little family history research, and he meets up with cutie restoration expert Eva (Elke Sommer) at the old ancestral castle. It was owned by a baron, known as the title, thanks to his penchant for torture in the dungeon and hanging impaled victims from the tower ramparts. Baron Blood was cursed by a witch, and sent to a very hot place run by a very red angry former angel, but Eva and Peter happen to have the witch's incantation to revive the Baron. Incantated, the decomposing Baron wanders around the countryside, killing Austrians. As most of the supporting cast is dispatched by a caped figure with a broad brimmed hat, Eva and Peter cannot figure out how to get rid of him again. Their ancient parchment was accidentally torched. They go back to Dr. Hummel for help. Cue the mysterious Becker (Joseph Cotten) who swoops in and buys the castle, fixing it up and taking a special interest in Eva. With the help of clairvoyant Christina (Rada Rassimov), Hummel, Eva, and Peter tour Becker's castle, and defeat the baron.
Mario Bava is a cult icon in the world of Italian cinema, and this film proves why. He has some horrifying shots, the Baron is very scary. There are too many shots of Eva being chased, but enough creepy shots happen to make it entertaining. On the other hand- Elke Sommer. Elke is awful, overacting and constantly screaming at the slightest provocation- zombie or otherwise. The script will have Eva running for her life one minute, then smooching with Peter the next, never keeping her in any sort of character. Many scenes here could have been cut, it is unbelievable that poor Joseph Cotten is not wheeled in until almost half way through. I forgot he was in the picture. This is the ninety eight minute version of "Baron Blood," the film released in the U. S. was only ninety minutes. The added gore scenes are not all that spectacular, I have seen bloodier on "The X Files." Elite/Video Treasures has released this on VHS video letterboxed, but the sound quality is awful. I kept having to max the volume out on my television trying to hear dialogue, only to be deafened by the silly European score.
All in all, if you are an Italian horror buff, you might take this out. Bava's direction is worth the price of rental. Just do not get this expecting a great work of literature. Once again, Bava outclasses his material. (* * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a copy of "Baron Blood" on Amazon here*
Peter decides to do a little family history research, and he meets up with cutie restoration expert Eva (Elke Sommer) at the old ancestral castle. It was owned by a baron, known as the title, thanks to his penchant for torture in the dungeon and hanging impaled victims from the tower ramparts. Baron Blood was cursed by a witch, and sent to a very hot place run by a very red angry former angel, but Eva and Peter happen to have the witch's incantation to revive the Baron. Incantated, the decomposing Baron wanders around the countryside, killing Austrians. As most of the supporting cast is dispatched by a caped figure with a broad brimmed hat, Eva and Peter cannot figure out how to get rid of him again. Their ancient parchment was accidentally torched. They go back to Dr. Hummel for help. Cue the mysterious Becker (Joseph Cotten) who swoops in and buys the castle, fixing it up and taking a special interest in Eva. With the help of clairvoyant Christina (Rada Rassimov), Hummel, Eva, and Peter tour Becker's castle, and defeat the baron.
Mario Bava is a cult icon in the world of Italian cinema, and this film proves why. He has some horrifying shots, the Baron is very scary. There are too many shots of Eva being chased, but enough creepy shots happen to make it entertaining. On the other hand- Elke Sommer. Elke is awful, overacting and constantly screaming at the slightest provocation- zombie or otherwise. The script will have Eva running for her life one minute, then smooching with Peter the next, never keeping her in any sort of character. Many scenes here could have been cut, it is unbelievable that poor Joseph Cotten is not wheeled in until almost half way through. I forgot he was in the picture. This is the ninety eight minute version of "Baron Blood," the film released in the U. S. was only ninety minutes. The added gore scenes are not all that spectacular, I have seen bloodier on "The X Files." Elite/Video Treasures has released this on VHS video letterboxed, but the sound quality is awful. I kept having to max the volume out on my television trying to hear dialogue, only to be deafened by the silly European score.
All in all, if you are an Italian horror buff, you might take this out. Bava's direction is worth the price of rental. Just do not get this expecting a great work of literature. Once again, Bava outclasses his material. (* * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a copy of "Baron Blood" on Amazon here*
The Barber of the Kill: "The Barber" (2002)
Malcolm McDowell is Dexter, your typical elderly small town Alaskan barber who is put out a bit when his latest murder victim is discovered before the spring thaw.
Revelstoke, Alaska has two hundred and fifty people, and almost complete darkness in the winter. A seasonal disorder afflicts the population, who self-medicate with booze and sleeping with Lucy (Jen Martinez), the "popular" girl, in the back of her taxi cab. Lucy disappears, and two drunken morons, Levi (Philip Granger) and Buffalo (C. Ernst Harth), discover her body out on the tundra. Local police chief Corgan (Jeremy Ratchford) is immediately called in, and immediately over his head, with a murder investigation. Cool FBI agent Crawley (Garwin Sanford) is then called in, and begins investigating the murders, as another local girl, Sally (Brenda James) turns up dead. Crawley begins letting the town get to him- he's drinking and dallying with the police secretary Jewels (Erin Wright). Corgan is suspended, and he begins his own investigation of the murders. And who sits in the middle of all of this, clipping hair and keeping quiet? Dexter, the barber, who is in fact the killer. This is no spoiler, Dexter freely admits to the killing spree in his narration.
The film's suspense comes from Dexter trying not to get caught, but also trying to keep his homicidal rage under control- it has a tendency to rise through his calm demeanor once in a while. The entire film is a cat and mouse game between the cops and Dexter, and the cat has no idea who the mouse is. There are no onscreen murders, just crime photo aftermaths, and this heightens the tension. McDowell is always good, and does a great job here. Ratchford plays Corgan as kinda dumb, but kinda smart, too; he never turns him into a backwoods idiot. Garwin Sanford as Crawley is all anger and business until he starts living like local townspeople, and begins to slide. The rest of the supporting cast are full of stereotypes, as all Alaskan women are loose and lonely, and all the men are drunk and lonely. Bafaro shot this in Revelstoke, British Columbia, so the snowy setting is authentic. There is just one daytime scene, the rest are night, and the cinematography is great. The script does take a few too many conveniences at the clever finale. This should have ended five minutes before it did.
If you are looking for something along the lines of Corbin Bernsen's goofy "The Dentist" series, look elsewhere. "The Barber" is not a typical slasher film, even has a couple of laughs, and is strongly anchored by some good acting. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Barber" on Amazon here*
Revelstoke, Alaska has two hundred and fifty people, and almost complete darkness in the winter. A seasonal disorder afflicts the population, who self-medicate with booze and sleeping with Lucy (Jen Martinez), the "popular" girl, in the back of her taxi cab. Lucy disappears, and two drunken morons, Levi (Philip Granger) and Buffalo (C. Ernst Harth), discover her body out on the tundra. Local police chief Corgan (Jeremy Ratchford) is immediately called in, and immediately over his head, with a murder investigation. Cool FBI agent Crawley (Garwin Sanford) is then called in, and begins investigating the murders, as another local girl, Sally (Brenda James) turns up dead. Crawley begins letting the town get to him- he's drinking and dallying with the police secretary Jewels (Erin Wright). Corgan is suspended, and he begins his own investigation of the murders. And who sits in the middle of all of this, clipping hair and keeping quiet? Dexter, the barber, who is in fact the killer. This is no spoiler, Dexter freely admits to the killing spree in his narration.
The film's suspense comes from Dexter trying not to get caught, but also trying to keep his homicidal rage under control- it has a tendency to rise through his calm demeanor once in a while. The entire film is a cat and mouse game between the cops and Dexter, and the cat has no idea who the mouse is. There are no onscreen murders, just crime photo aftermaths, and this heightens the tension. McDowell is always good, and does a great job here. Ratchford plays Corgan as kinda dumb, but kinda smart, too; he never turns him into a backwoods idiot. Garwin Sanford as Crawley is all anger and business until he starts living like local townspeople, and begins to slide. The rest of the supporting cast are full of stereotypes, as all Alaskan women are loose and lonely, and all the men are drunk and lonely. Bafaro shot this in Revelstoke, British Columbia, so the snowy setting is authentic. There is just one daytime scene, the rest are night, and the cinematography is great. The script does take a few too many conveniences at the clever finale. This should have ended five minutes before it did.
If you are looking for something along the lines of Corbin Bernsen's goofy "The Dentist" series, look elsewhere. "The Barber" is not a typical slasher film, even has a couple of laughs, and is strongly anchored by some good acting. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Barber" on Amazon here*
This is Not Your Father's Wishy Washy Biblical Epic: "Barabbas" (1961)
This is a violent, dark, and sometimes depressing story that is quite a change from many religious films.This review does contain spoilers.
Based on a novel, this film imagines what happened to Barabbas after he was chosen over Jesus to be released before crucifixion. Anthony Quinn is a perfect choice as the unrepentant thief who goes back to the world he knows- crime and carousing. His favorite prostitute Rachel (Silvana Mangano), however, has become a Christian and is later stoned for it. Barabbas is not just an observer, he sees Jesus go to the crucifixion, and later finds Rachel at the open grave. Barabbas goes back to his old gang of thieves, murders the new leaders, and they rob some Jewish clerics. Caught, he is sent to the sulfur mines for life, where he meets Christian Sahak (Vittorio Gassman). Barabbas survives in the mine for twenty years, refusing to die. He is tormented by the memory of his near death years before, and he sees the sacrifice Jesus made not just for him, but for all of us. Barabbas and Sahak survive a cave-in at the mine, and are taken to Rome as good luck charms by a newly appointed senator's wife. They are recruited to fight in the coliseum, ruled by maniacal gladiator Torvald played by a very young Jack Palance. The duo also make contact with Christian servant Lucius, Ernest Borgnine in a small but good role. Sahak dies for his beliefs at the hands of Torvald, and Barabbas has his bloody revenge on the field. Granted his freedom, Barabbas takes Sahak's body to a group of Christians, who reject Barabbas' half-hearted attempts at Christianity. Barabbas misunderstands God's word and helps in the torching of Rome, eventually ending up a martyr himself.
Just under two and a half hours, there are a few slow spots. The cast is excellent, however, and Fleischer does an impressive job with a cast of thousands. No CGI to rely on here, Fleischer uses his assorted set pieces to their fullest extent without trying to fix or better anything in editing. What is left are a series of scenes that can stand on their own as highlights in early 1960's film making, when the cinema was hotly competing with television to win viewers back. The stoning of Rachel, the sulfur mine collapse, the burning of Rome: all are unforgettable. Two stretches of the film are very memorable. First, an extended sequence between Torvald and Barabbas fighting in the coliseum. There is no dialogue, just brutal violence and action. Another scene is the final tracking shot of dozens of crucified Christians, including the now ironic Barabbas. This shot sent chills down my spine. This film is very dark and very different. Barabbas is a man torn between his heathen upbringing, and what he knows is right through what he has witnessed in Jerusalem and Rome, no matter how much he denies what he has seen. Produced by Dino DeLaurentiis in Italy, this film has a European feel that makes it different and lends a certain credibility to the proceedings. The Oscar heavy cast does not fall victim to any preachy speeches or effects laden miracles, these are seemingly ordinary people caught up in tumultuous times.
I highly recommend "Barabbas" to any film fan, especially those who think "Gladiator" is the only decent sword and sandals epic out there. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Barabbas" on Amazon here*
Based on a novel, this film imagines what happened to Barabbas after he was chosen over Jesus to be released before crucifixion. Anthony Quinn is a perfect choice as the unrepentant thief who goes back to the world he knows- crime and carousing. His favorite prostitute Rachel (Silvana Mangano), however, has become a Christian and is later stoned for it. Barabbas is not just an observer, he sees Jesus go to the crucifixion, and later finds Rachel at the open grave. Barabbas goes back to his old gang of thieves, murders the new leaders, and they rob some Jewish clerics. Caught, he is sent to the sulfur mines for life, where he meets Christian Sahak (Vittorio Gassman). Barabbas survives in the mine for twenty years, refusing to die. He is tormented by the memory of his near death years before, and he sees the sacrifice Jesus made not just for him, but for all of us. Barabbas and Sahak survive a cave-in at the mine, and are taken to Rome as good luck charms by a newly appointed senator's wife. They are recruited to fight in the coliseum, ruled by maniacal gladiator Torvald played by a very young Jack Palance. The duo also make contact with Christian servant Lucius, Ernest Borgnine in a small but good role. Sahak dies for his beliefs at the hands of Torvald, and Barabbas has his bloody revenge on the field. Granted his freedom, Barabbas takes Sahak's body to a group of Christians, who reject Barabbas' half-hearted attempts at Christianity. Barabbas misunderstands God's word and helps in the torching of Rome, eventually ending up a martyr himself.
Just under two and a half hours, there are a few slow spots. The cast is excellent, however, and Fleischer does an impressive job with a cast of thousands. No CGI to rely on here, Fleischer uses his assorted set pieces to their fullest extent without trying to fix or better anything in editing. What is left are a series of scenes that can stand on their own as highlights in early 1960's film making, when the cinema was hotly competing with television to win viewers back. The stoning of Rachel, the sulfur mine collapse, the burning of Rome: all are unforgettable. Two stretches of the film are very memorable. First, an extended sequence between Torvald and Barabbas fighting in the coliseum. There is no dialogue, just brutal violence and action. Another scene is the final tracking shot of dozens of crucified Christians, including the now ironic Barabbas. This shot sent chills down my spine. This film is very dark and very different. Barabbas is a man torn between his heathen upbringing, and what he knows is right through what he has witnessed in Jerusalem and Rome, no matter how much he denies what he has seen. Produced by Dino DeLaurentiis in Italy, this film has a European feel that makes it different and lends a certain credibility to the proceedings. The Oscar heavy cast does not fall victim to any preachy speeches or effects laden miracles, these are seemingly ordinary people caught up in tumultuous times.
I highly recommend "Barabbas" to any film fan, especially those who think "Gladiator" is the only decent sword and sandals epic out there. (* * * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Barabbas" on Amazon here*
Take a Baoh: "Baoh the Visitor" (1989)
Japanese anime is an acquired taste, either you find it pretty cool, or you are bored stupid by it. This one is pretty cool.
Dubbed in English, Baoh is actually Ikuroo (voiced by Brian Hinnant), a seventeen year old amnesiac traveling with young girl Sumire (voiced by Kim Helms). The opening chase onboard a train shows Sumire has special powers. Ikuroo has escaped from a pod being controlled by evil Dr. Kasuminome (voiced by Mike Way). He refers to Ikuroo as "Baoh." Kasuminome has found a way to speed up evolution with the help of a parasitic worm that lives in the host experiment. The worm changes the host as needed, usually making them unstoppable in a fight. The villains send cyborg hitman Dordo (voiced by Dave Underwood) to kill Ikuroo and Sumire after others have failed. Ikuroo keeps recovering from seemingly deadly wounds, the only way to completely stop a baoh is to shoot it in the head and then torch the body. Dordo is dead, but Walken (voiced by Chuck Denson) waits in the wings. Walken is a powerful Native American. The bad guys capture Sumire and use her to lure Ikuroo to the secret lab, unaware that Ikuroo is experiencing baoh powers that no one could foresee. At fifty minutes, the action is quick and the plot sparse as Ikuroo finally meets his evil creator, and tries to rescue Sumire.
Unlike a lot of anime I have seen, this piece does not feel like the first episode of a series we never get to complete. The story is self contained, but does leave room for a sequel. Ikuroo's baoh is pretty cool looking, as is the giant Walken. The pace is brisk, and the gore is heavy. Kiddies expecting Pokemon will be grossed out and probably have nightmares. I could easily picture this as a live action, big budget action flick. The story is certainly interesting, if not overpopulated with characters, and the hero is likable, whether severing his own arm in order to escape Walken or giving Sumire a mouthful of his own blood to revive her after an attack.
"Baoh the Visitor" is nothing earth-shattering, but plenty entertaining. Ignore the lousy end credits songs, the nerdy baoh powers literally spelled out for you on the screen, and enjoy the carnage. Also known as "Baoh the Caller." (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Baoh the Visitor" on Amazon here*
Dubbed in English, Baoh is actually Ikuroo (voiced by Brian Hinnant), a seventeen year old amnesiac traveling with young girl Sumire (voiced by Kim Helms). The opening chase onboard a train shows Sumire has special powers. Ikuroo has escaped from a pod being controlled by evil Dr. Kasuminome (voiced by Mike Way). He refers to Ikuroo as "Baoh." Kasuminome has found a way to speed up evolution with the help of a parasitic worm that lives in the host experiment. The worm changes the host as needed, usually making them unstoppable in a fight. The villains send cyborg hitman Dordo (voiced by Dave Underwood) to kill Ikuroo and Sumire after others have failed. Ikuroo keeps recovering from seemingly deadly wounds, the only way to completely stop a baoh is to shoot it in the head and then torch the body. Dordo is dead, but Walken (voiced by Chuck Denson) waits in the wings. Walken is a powerful Native American. The bad guys capture Sumire and use her to lure Ikuroo to the secret lab, unaware that Ikuroo is experiencing baoh powers that no one could foresee. At fifty minutes, the action is quick and the plot sparse as Ikuroo finally meets his evil creator, and tries to rescue Sumire.
Unlike a lot of anime I have seen, this piece does not feel like the first episode of a series we never get to complete. The story is self contained, but does leave room for a sequel. Ikuroo's baoh is pretty cool looking, as is the giant Walken. The pace is brisk, and the gore is heavy. Kiddies expecting Pokemon will be grossed out and probably have nightmares. I could easily picture this as a live action, big budget action flick. The story is certainly interesting, if not overpopulated with characters, and the hero is likable, whether severing his own arm in order to escape Walken or giving Sumire a mouthful of his own blood to revive her after an attack.
"Baoh the Visitor" is nothing earth-shattering, but plenty entertaining. Ignore the lousy end credits songs, the nerdy baoh powers literally spelled out for you on the screen, and enjoy the carnage. Also known as "Baoh the Caller." (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Baoh the Visitor" on Amazon here*
Friday, June 21, 2024
We Don't Need No Stinkin' The Badge: "The Badge" (2002)
Billy Bob Thornton plays Darl, a sheriff in a backwater Louisiana town who investigates a murder with plenty of suspects. The film also suffers from too many players. The opening credits indicate over half a dozen companies and ELEVEN executive producers contributed to the making of "The Badge," and it shows. The film is a mess.
Thornton investigates the murder of a transsexual found shot to death in the swamp. The transsexual's wife, Scarlet (Patricia Arquette) comes to town to claim the body, and knows right away Darl does not have a chance of solving this crime. Darl has other subplots on his hands (take a breath): his daughter is a goth running with the wrong crowd, his ex-wife (Sela Ward) is the district attorney cozying up to the governor running for reelection, his father is a gun-toting drunk and former sheriff, his brother (Thomas Haden Church) is gay and Darl helped run him out of town, Darl is sleeping with one of his deputy's wives, Darl knows the local bar waitress is not 21, he steals merchandise from wrecked semis and hands it out to townspeople, his judge/mentor (William Devane) has him around his little finger, a former lover (Julie Hagerty) is a born again Christian trying to stop Devane's new area casino, another deputy is recruited to run against him for sheriff, and he cannot find his sunglasses (whew!). Darl and Scarlet investigate, running into one of those conspiracies that can only happen in the movies, and the killer is eventually unmasked.
The heaviness of all these characters weighed on me like a four meat deep dish pizza. I did not take notes about each and every character because that would mean transcribing the entire film's dialogue, and they really do not matter once everything is said and done. Robby Henson has written a top-heavy script filled with homages, or borrowed ideas, from films like "Affliction," "The Crying Game," "Flawless," and every episode of "Law & Order" ever made, with a little John Grisham thriller added for spice. If he had trimmed even three or four of these people, the film would have been tighter. Henson's direction has a nice look to it, but he eventually succumbs to speeding up and slowing down his footage arbitrarily, which annoys me to no end. Here is a question I always have about these types of films: if the central cop is always so crooked, and decides the film's central murder is the one time he can redeem himself, why don't the conspirators pay him off to look the other way before he gets an attack of conscience? The main reason this is not a one star review rests in the sure hands of Thornton and Arquette. Thornton is so sincere and humble in his role, you cannot help but feel for Darl. We watch his life collapse around him, he is dropped from the reelection ticket and falsely accused of statutory rape, and we do sympathize. Arquette's Scarlet is a woman who has lived this life in love with a transsexual, but finds the taunts and violence still hurt. Both actors do an outstanding job, and almost pull the picture off.
"The Badge" is written like a foul mouthed two hour episode of "In the Heat of the Night" meets "The Dukes of Hazzard." Yeah, neither one of those shows ever worked well, either. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Badge" on Amazon here*
Thornton investigates the murder of a transsexual found shot to death in the swamp. The transsexual's wife, Scarlet (Patricia Arquette) comes to town to claim the body, and knows right away Darl does not have a chance of solving this crime. Darl has other subplots on his hands (take a breath): his daughter is a goth running with the wrong crowd, his ex-wife (Sela Ward) is the district attorney cozying up to the governor running for reelection, his father is a gun-toting drunk and former sheriff, his brother (Thomas Haden Church) is gay and Darl helped run him out of town, Darl is sleeping with one of his deputy's wives, Darl knows the local bar waitress is not 21, he steals merchandise from wrecked semis and hands it out to townspeople, his judge/mentor (William Devane) has him around his little finger, a former lover (Julie Hagerty) is a born again Christian trying to stop Devane's new area casino, another deputy is recruited to run against him for sheriff, and he cannot find his sunglasses (whew!). Darl and Scarlet investigate, running into one of those conspiracies that can only happen in the movies, and the killer is eventually unmasked.
The heaviness of all these characters weighed on me like a four meat deep dish pizza. I did not take notes about each and every character because that would mean transcribing the entire film's dialogue, and they really do not matter once everything is said and done. Robby Henson has written a top-heavy script filled with homages, or borrowed ideas, from films like "Affliction," "The Crying Game," "Flawless," and every episode of "Law & Order" ever made, with a little John Grisham thriller added for spice. If he had trimmed even three or four of these people, the film would have been tighter. Henson's direction has a nice look to it, but he eventually succumbs to speeding up and slowing down his footage arbitrarily, which annoys me to no end. Here is a question I always have about these types of films: if the central cop is always so crooked, and decides the film's central murder is the one time he can redeem himself, why don't the conspirators pay him off to look the other way before he gets an attack of conscience? The main reason this is not a one star review rests in the sure hands of Thornton and Arquette. Thornton is so sincere and humble in his role, you cannot help but feel for Darl. We watch his life collapse around him, he is dropped from the reelection ticket and falsely accused of statutory rape, and we do sympathize. Arquette's Scarlet is a woman who has lived this life in love with a transsexual, but finds the taunts and violence still hurt. Both actors do an outstanding job, and almost pull the picture off.
"The Badge" is written like a foul mouthed two hour episode of "In the Heat of the Night" meets "The Dukes of Hazzard." Yeah, neither one of those shows ever worked well, either. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Badge" on Amazon here*
Thursday, June 20, 2024
The Bad Seen: "The Bad Seed" (1956)
This review contains major spoilers. Hello, welcome to yet another negative review of a revered film. A classic in the suspense field, this 1950's film does not live up to its reputation.
Rhoda (Patty McCormack) is a perfect little pig-tailed eight year old. She is overloved by her military dad, stoic mom, and even the frumpy landlady from upstairs. Her hunky father (William Hopper) leaves on temporary duty, and Christine (Nancy Kelly) is alone with Rhoda. A child dies at a school picnic, and it comes out that Rhoda was the last to see him alive. Rhoda really really wanted little Claude's penmanship medal, something she felt she should have won. Christine begins to suspect all is not perfect with little Rhoda. She shows no emotion at losing the classmate, and somehow ends up with the disputed medal. Christine begins consulting with amateur psychologist/landlady Monica (Evelyn Varden), and a criminologist. Much is made of environment playing the main role in a child's criminal behavior, not genetics. As Christine begins suspecting Rhoda more, weird handyman Leroy (Henry Jones, who is great) begins teasing Rhoda, knowing she was involved. Christine's reporter dad (Paul Fix) drops by with the bombshell that Christine was in fact adopted and her birth mother was a murderer whose case the father was covering. As Christine tries to battle these life changing issues, another major character dies. Christine then makes the decision to stop Rhoda's murderous habits for good, and take herself out of the picture as well.
While often placed in the horror section of video stores, this is more Hitchcockian suspense than anything. On the positive, it does contain some creepy scenes. When McCormack describes how she killed her classmate, I got chills down my spine. Also Kelly's recounting of her recurring dream about escaping from her real mother's house when she was a toddler is also good. Kelly and McCormack deserved their Oscar nominations for these brief scenes alone. Director LeRoy makes no bones about this story's popularity on the stage first, and there are too many scenes set in Christine's living room. He does not try to open it up enough, and instead of claustrophobia, boredom sets in. It is one thing for a mother not wanting to believe the worst of her child, it is another when the mother seems too stupid not to believe the worst. LeRoy overplays everyone's love for the child, to the point of nausea. While the audience knows the child is a killer, we must sit through quite a few static dialogue scenes before others figure it out. While Jones is good as Leroy, it seems his fate is put near the end of the film so we would not be mad at Christine, who could have stopped her daughter from harming him. He is made lecherous and weird, so we won't feel bad when anything happens to him. The cast here is way over the top. Much of the gestures are very broad, and even the speech delivery is overly theatrical. The cast still seems to be playing for a live audience, and there is not the intimacy of film in the execution here. Eileen Heckart is the dead boy's drunk grieving mom, and plays her as that and nothing more.
A word about the ending. The cast is called back out for a curtain call, just like onstage. Then actress Kelly play-spanks actress McCormack, both laughing. I do not know if this was supposed to diffuse the downer ending, but instead it negates it, trying too hard to remind the audience that this is just a movie. Despite the few tense scenes, this is a very dry and boring film. The cast tries to liven it, but they try too hard, resulting in overacting an underwritten story. I hate to do this, and I may be the only one on this planet, but I do not recommend "The Bad Seed." (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Bad Seed" on Amazon here*
Rhoda (Patty McCormack) is a perfect little pig-tailed eight year old. She is overloved by her military dad, stoic mom, and even the frumpy landlady from upstairs. Her hunky father (William Hopper) leaves on temporary duty, and Christine (Nancy Kelly) is alone with Rhoda. A child dies at a school picnic, and it comes out that Rhoda was the last to see him alive. Rhoda really really wanted little Claude's penmanship medal, something she felt she should have won. Christine begins to suspect all is not perfect with little Rhoda. She shows no emotion at losing the classmate, and somehow ends up with the disputed medal. Christine begins consulting with amateur psychologist/landlady Monica (Evelyn Varden), and a criminologist. Much is made of environment playing the main role in a child's criminal behavior, not genetics. As Christine begins suspecting Rhoda more, weird handyman Leroy (Henry Jones, who is great) begins teasing Rhoda, knowing she was involved. Christine's reporter dad (Paul Fix) drops by with the bombshell that Christine was in fact adopted and her birth mother was a murderer whose case the father was covering. As Christine tries to battle these life changing issues, another major character dies. Christine then makes the decision to stop Rhoda's murderous habits for good, and take herself out of the picture as well.
While often placed in the horror section of video stores, this is more Hitchcockian suspense than anything. On the positive, it does contain some creepy scenes. When McCormack describes how she killed her classmate, I got chills down my spine. Also Kelly's recounting of her recurring dream about escaping from her real mother's house when she was a toddler is also good. Kelly and McCormack deserved their Oscar nominations for these brief scenes alone. Director LeRoy makes no bones about this story's popularity on the stage first, and there are too many scenes set in Christine's living room. He does not try to open it up enough, and instead of claustrophobia, boredom sets in. It is one thing for a mother not wanting to believe the worst of her child, it is another when the mother seems too stupid not to believe the worst. LeRoy overplays everyone's love for the child, to the point of nausea. While the audience knows the child is a killer, we must sit through quite a few static dialogue scenes before others figure it out. While Jones is good as Leroy, it seems his fate is put near the end of the film so we would not be mad at Christine, who could have stopped her daughter from harming him. He is made lecherous and weird, so we won't feel bad when anything happens to him. The cast here is way over the top. Much of the gestures are very broad, and even the speech delivery is overly theatrical. The cast still seems to be playing for a live audience, and there is not the intimacy of film in the execution here. Eileen Heckart is the dead boy's drunk grieving mom, and plays her as that and nothing more.
A word about the ending. The cast is called back out for a curtain call, just like onstage. Then actress Kelly play-spanks actress McCormack, both laughing. I do not know if this was supposed to diffuse the downer ending, but instead it negates it, trying too hard to remind the audience that this is just a movie. Despite the few tense scenes, this is a very dry and boring film. The cast tries to liven it, but they try too hard, resulting in overacting an underwritten story. I hate to do this, and I may be the only one on this planet, but I do not recommend "The Bad Seed." (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "The Bad Seed" on Amazon here*
Back Would, But Then Didn't: "Backwoods" (1988)
Warning: major spoilers in this review. Don't you just hate when a movie grabs you, shakes you around a little bit, then completely insults your intelligence to the point that you are sorely disappointed by it? "Backwoods" does just that.
Jamie (Brad Armacost) and Karen (Christine Noonan) are cute boyfriend/girlfriend who are biking through the midwest. They stop to camp in a remote part of the forest, after being warned away by the stereotypical nerdy forest ranger (Gary Lott), and are watched by an unseen presence. They are awakened by Eben (Dick Kreusser) and his injured daughter, Beth (Leslie Denise). As doctor Jamie performs an emergency tracheotomy and saves Beth, weird Eben invites the pair back to his even more remote home, which is on a neat acre lot and looks a lot like a public park. Unfortunately, Jamie keeps tripping over the bodies of headless chickens, and Karen is full of herself for helping out these poor "Deliverance"-like characters. Eben is a little weird, believing a woman's place is not with a man, and he keeps drinking moonshine out of a mason jar. Suddenly, Eben's brain damaged son William (Jack O'Hara) appears, scaring Karen when she goes for one of those nude swims in an isolated lake, something everyone does when they go camping. Karen is chased by William back to Eben's house, where Eben promptly beats William. It turns out William was mauled by a dog as a toddler and ain't been right since. The dog had William by the head in his jaws, and William has been reciprocating over the years by biting the heads off of small woodland animals. How's that for Horror Movie Psychology 101? Karen and Jamie stay on to make sure Beth is okay, and William, all drool and hissing noises, gets stranger and stranger. It comes out that William killed Eben's second wife (Beth's mom), and is fixated on Karen because her hair is like that of William's mother (Eben's first wife). Up until this point, everything is above average. The small cast does a good job, and Crow's direction is very good considering an obviously small budget. Karen and Jamie fight and talk like a real couple. They are not two horny teenagers, like you might expect from films of this type. And then comes the climax.
(SPOILER) Karen, not learning her lesson from the nude swim, feels the need to change her top in broad daylight in Eben's front yard, knowing full well that William must be lurking somewhere nearby. William attacks Karen. Eben and Jamie come arunnin' from their coon hunt, both drunk on moonshine. Jamie shoots William in the chest. William does not die. Eben has a fatal heart attack and William attacks Jamie, biting his neck. As William drags Jamie off into the woods, with Beth fighting her half-brother, Karen blindly fires the shotgun at the trio...William comes back out of the woods, sees Eben, and goes to him, trying to get his father to hit him for old time's sake. Karen, now sporting a large axe, approaches the distracted William...and...RUNS AWAY WITHOUT KILLING HIM. Later, after finding the nerdy ranger murdered, Karen is able to become MacGyver, making a booby trap for William out of fishing line and hooks. She is able to complete one of horror's most elaborate killer traps with no interference from the crazed William, who minutes before was right on her heels. William gets caught in the trap, seems to die, and the epilogue here involves a new crazy backwoodsman now biting the heads off chickens. (END OF SPOILER)
The first forty five minutes or an hour of this was pretty entertaining, despite a few awkward scenes here and there, but deciding that the viewers are a bunch of morons is a bad decision on the film makers' part. Also, once again, we get the mental deficient as the evil killer, thereby scapegoating an entire minority of people who can rarely speak for themselves to begin with. Plus, there is no supernatural connotations in the film, yet William survives a shotgun blast to the chest for no other reason than to make the film longer.
"Backwoods" was also known as "Geek," a reference to William's character. He is called that by Jamie, the doctor with no bedside manner, and Karen, the woman dumb enough to run from a perfect opportunity to do away with a killer but smart enough to make a lethal weapon out of some tackle box items. The film almost had me, but thanks to the dumbing down of the climax, I cannot recommend "Backwoods." (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Backwoods" on Amazon here*
Jamie (Brad Armacost) and Karen (Christine Noonan) are cute boyfriend/girlfriend who are biking through the midwest. They stop to camp in a remote part of the forest, after being warned away by the stereotypical nerdy forest ranger (Gary Lott), and are watched by an unseen presence. They are awakened by Eben (Dick Kreusser) and his injured daughter, Beth (Leslie Denise). As doctor Jamie performs an emergency tracheotomy and saves Beth, weird Eben invites the pair back to his even more remote home, which is on a neat acre lot and looks a lot like a public park. Unfortunately, Jamie keeps tripping over the bodies of headless chickens, and Karen is full of herself for helping out these poor "Deliverance"-like characters. Eben is a little weird, believing a woman's place is not with a man, and he keeps drinking moonshine out of a mason jar. Suddenly, Eben's brain damaged son William (Jack O'Hara) appears, scaring Karen when she goes for one of those nude swims in an isolated lake, something everyone does when they go camping. Karen is chased by William back to Eben's house, where Eben promptly beats William. It turns out William was mauled by a dog as a toddler and ain't been right since. The dog had William by the head in his jaws, and William has been reciprocating over the years by biting the heads off of small woodland animals. How's that for Horror Movie Psychology 101? Karen and Jamie stay on to make sure Beth is okay, and William, all drool and hissing noises, gets stranger and stranger. It comes out that William killed Eben's second wife (Beth's mom), and is fixated on Karen because her hair is like that of William's mother (Eben's first wife). Up until this point, everything is above average. The small cast does a good job, and Crow's direction is very good considering an obviously small budget. Karen and Jamie fight and talk like a real couple. They are not two horny teenagers, like you might expect from films of this type. And then comes the climax.
(SPOILER) Karen, not learning her lesson from the nude swim, feels the need to change her top in broad daylight in Eben's front yard, knowing full well that William must be lurking somewhere nearby. William attacks Karen. Eben and Jamie come arunnin' from their coon hunt, both drunk on moonshine. Jamie shoots William in the chest. William does not die. Eben has a fatal heart attack and William attacks Jamie, biting his neck. As William drags Jamie off into the woods, with Beth fighting her half-brother, Karen blindly fires the shotgun at the trio...William comes back out of the woods, sees Eben, and goes to him, trying to get his father to hit him for old time's sake. Karen, now sporting a large axe, approaches the distracted William...and...RUNS AWAY WITHOUT KILLING HIM. Later, after finding the nerdy ranger murdered, Karen is able to become MacGyver, making a booby trap for William out of fishing line and hooks. She is able to complete one of horror's most elaborate killer traps with no interference from the crazed William, who minutes before was right on her heels. William gets caught in the trap, seems to die, and the epilogue here involves a new crazy backwoodsman now biting the heads off chickens. (END OF SPOILER)
The first forty five minutes or an hour of this was pretty entertaining, despite a few awkward scenes here and there, but deciding that the viewers are a bunch of morons is a bad decision on the film makers' part. Also, once again, we get the mental deficient as the evil killer, thereby scapegoating an entire minority of people who can rarely speak for themselves to begin with. Plus, there is no supernatural connotations in the film, yet William survives a shotgun blast to the chest for no other reason than to make the film longer.
"Backwoods" was also known as "Geek," a reference to William's character. He is called that by Jamie, the doctor with no bedside manner, and Karen, the woman dumb enough to run from a perfect opportunity to do away with a killer but smart enough to make a lethal weapon out of some tackle box items. The film almost had me, but thanks to the dumbing down of the climax, I cannot recommend "Backwoods." (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Backwoods" on Amazon here*
Tuesday, June 18, 2024
End Zone: "Zone Troopers" (1985)
This sci-fi/war film is a perfect example of the word "average." This is average in every way.
Tim Thomerson is The Sarge, in charge of a squad during WWII in Europe. His men are ambushed and only three others survive: Joey (Timothy Van Patten), Mittens (Art LaFleur), and Dolan (Biff Manard). Joey is an aw-shuckser who reads pulp sci-fi comics. Mittens is the tough corporal, and Dolan is the combat reporter. The group knows they are behind enemy lines, but they do not know where because all of their compasses are out of whack, due to some strange happenings in the nearby forest. Mittens and Dolan are captured by the Nazis and discover an alien as their fellow prisoner. At the same time, The Sarge and Joey stumble upon a crashed space ship. The Sarge destroys the craft, they rescue their comrades, and the five now try to get the alien home.
The film is less than an hour and a half, but it still feels padded by about twenty minutes. The alien they find looks nothing like its rescuers, which made me think they were going to drag in a subplot about warring alien sides as well- no such luck. The four leads are immensely likable, and you find yourself cheering for them. The film makers take themselves a little too seriously, but make up for it with the cast and very good filming locations. A special mention about the special effects: they suck. The creature effects are awful, as are anything involving the aliens' weapons, which deteriorate down to weak, glowing animation. The only impressive effect comes from the set department, who build a huge crashed space ship that looks big and is totally convincing. Also, listen for Richard Band's musical score, which sounds suspiciously like a few bars from the themes in "Star Wars."
"Zone Troopers" is a harmless, goofy film that has a good cast and a good idea, but no way to make this really outstanding. Close, but no edible Lucky Strike cigarette (the alien eats tobacco for food), and I do not recommend this film. (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Zone Troopers" on Amazon here*
Tim Thomerson is The Sarge, in charge of a squad during WWII in Europe. His men are ambushed and only three others survive: Joey (Timothy Van Patten), Mittens (Art LaFleur), and Dolan (Biff Manard). Joey is an aw-shuckser who reads pulp sci-fi comics. Mittens is the tough corporal, and Dolan is the combat reporter. The group knows they are behind enemy lines, but they do not know where because all of their compasses are out of whack, due to some strange happenings in the nearby forest. Mittens and Dolan are captured by the Nazis and discover an alien as their fellow prisoner. At the same time, The Sarge and Joey stumble upon a crashed space ship. The Sarge destroys the craft, they rescue their comrades, and the five now try to get the alien home.
The film is less than an hour and a half, but it still feels padded by about twenty minutes. The alien they find looks nothing like its rescuers, which made me think they were going to drag in a subplot about warring alien sides as well- no such luck. The four leads are immensely likable, and you find yourself cheering for them. The film makers take themselves a little too seriously, but make up for it with the cast and very good filming locations. A special mention about the special effects: they suck. The creature effects are awful, as are anything involving the aliens' weapons, which deteriorate down to weak, glowing animation. The only impressive effect comes from the set department, who build a huge crashed space ship that looks big and is totally convincing. Also, listen for Richard Band's musical score, which sounds suspiciously like a few bars from the themes in "Star Wars."
"Zone Troopers" is a harmless, goofy film that has a good cast and a good idea, but no way to make this really outstanding. Close, but no edible Lucky Strike cigarette (the alien eats tobacco for food), and I do not recommend this film. (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Zone Troopers" on Amazon here*
Thursday, June 13, 2024
Nothing Up My Sleeve: "Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" (1991)
This made-for-TV swill features a capable cast in a poorly directed police drama that makes "Walker- Texas Ranger" look like "Hill Street Blues."
Kris Kristofferson is Rip, a down on his luck Texas Ranger entertaining house guest and fellow Ranger Jack (Rip Torn). Well, Jack up and shoots a murderer who was released on a technicality and everyone, including FBI agent Susan (Joan Severance), starts looking for good ol' Jack. No sooner than you can say "armadillo," Willie Nelson pops up as a wily old criminal who teams up with Rip, and the duo track Jack while Rip and Susan begin exploring each other's "credentials." There are a few weak shootouts, and lots of climactic twists and turns that make no sense.
It seems like every twenty seconds, the main characters in the film talk about the magic of Texas. The specialness of Texas. How being from Texas makes one blessed. After hearing this bunch of yahoos try to substitute praise of their shooting location for actual characterization, I had a Longhorn-sized headache. Bill Bixby's direction is listless. Nelson has been good in films before, but here he annoys. The video box proudly displays its "Extremely Mature" rating from some film board somewhere, but the "strong sexual content" consists of some dark shots of Severance's body.
"Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" is a sequel to another television movie I have never seen. I have little reason to seek it out now. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" on Amazon here*
Kris Kristofferson is Rip, a down on his luck Texas Ranger entertaining house guest and fellow Ranger Jack (Rip Torn). Well, Jack up and shoots a murderer who was released on a technicality and everyone, including FBI agent Susan (Joan Severance), starts looking for good ol' Jack. No sooner than you can say "armadillo," Willie Nelson pops up as a wily old criminal who teams up with Rip, and the duo track Jack while Rip and Susan begin exploring each other's "credentials." There are a few weak shootouts, and lots of climactic twists and turns that make no sense.
It seems like every twenty seconds, the main characters in the film talk about the magic of Texas. The specialness of Texas. How being from Texas makes one blessed. After hearing this bunch of yahoos try to substitute praise of their shooting location for actual characterization, I had a Longhorn-sized headache. Bill Bixby's direction is listless. Nelson has been good in films before, but here he annoys. The video box proudly displays its "Extremely Mature" rating from some film board somewhere, but the "strong sexual content" consists of some dark shots of Severance's body.
"Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" is a sequel to another television movie I have never seen. I have little reason to seek it out now. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind" on Amazon here*
Sequelitis: "Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!" (2008)
While the word "subtle" doesn't occur to anyone witnessing the further adventures of Nico, Andy, Griff, and Jarod from "Another Gay Movie," I think writer/director Todd Stephens may have had a better sequel if someone had just said "enough already."
Nico (Jonah Blechman), Andy (Jake Moser), and couple Griff (Aaron Michael Davies) and Jarod (Jimmy Clabots) head to Fort Lauderdale for spring break. There, they enter a "gays gone wild" contest, where the winner is determined by the most amount of sex a man can possibly have. Our heroes' main competition is Jasper (Will Wikle), constantly flanked by his cronies- Jasper Chan and Jasper Pledge. The Jaspers sabotage the boys, who all begin to question their hedonistic lifestyle.
Seems straight (sorry) forward? A little meh? Don't fret. Perez Hilton plays himself, after getting konked on the head and finding Jesus. RuPaul is Tyrelle Tyrelle, the hotel's activity director. Scott Thompson is not given enough screen time as Andy's equally gay dad who happens to show up in Florida for the sex competition. Come on, Nico finds a mer-man and has a big musical number celebrating sexual urination. However, a lot of the film is just not funny. Stephens wallows in vulgarity and gore when it seems a punchline was lacking. While most of the cast is great, Blechman is the only one of the four leads returning from "Another Gay Movie," Hilton's extended cameo is the same joke over and over. Any attempts at physical comedy thud instead of working. Director of photography Carl Bartels' palette here is so lush and bold, I expected to see colors drip off the screen like spilled paint. Blechman's Nico reminded me of Hedwig, and Moser, Davies, and Clabots are so likable, I cringed at most of the material they were given. For the record, Will Wikle (as the flawless Jasper) is so funny he should get his own film- trust me, you know someone like him, gay or not. The music is fun, especially the opening theme by one Nancy Sinatra, and the overly obvious product placement is a hoot. Yes, there is more a ton of sex, and the explicit content may turn off the casual viewer. I like a good comedy as much as the next guy, but Stephens went for the shock laugh and couldn't get me to smile. Also, for a big loud spoof, not much is spoofed.
"Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild" is like all the really dirty parts of all of John Waters' films gathered together without any context or story. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!" on Amazon here*
Nico (Jonah Blechman), Andy (Jake Moser), and couple Griff (Aaron Michael Davies) and Jarod (Jimmy Clabots) head to Fort Lauderdale for spring break. There, they enter a "gays gone wild" contest, where the winner is determined by the most amount of sex a man can possibly have. Our heroes' main competition is Jasper (Will Wikle), constantly flanked by his cronies- Jasper Chan and Jasper Pledge. The Jaspers sabotage the boys, who all begin to question their hedonistic lifestyle.
Seems straight (sorry) forward? A little meh? Don't fret. Perez Hilton plays himself, after getting konked on the head and finding Jesus. RuPaul is Tyrelle Tyrelle, the hotel's activity director. Scott Thompson is not given enough screen time as Andy's equally gay dad who happens to show up in Florida for the sex competition. Come on, Nico finds a mer-man and has a big musical number celebrating sexual urination. However, a lot of the film is just not funny. Stephens wallows in vulgarity and gore when it seems a punchline was lacking. While most of the cast is great, Blechman is the only one of the four leads returning from "Another Gay Movie," Hilton's extended cameo is the same joke over and over. Any attempts at physical comedy thud instead of working. Director of photography Carl Bartels' palette here is so lush and bold, I expected to see colors drip off the screen like spilled paint. Blechman's Nico reminded me of Hedwig, and Moser, Davies, and Clabots are so likable, I cringed at most of the material they were given. For the record, Will Wikle (as the flawless Jasper) is so funny he should get his own film- trust me, you know someone like him, gay or not. The music is fun, especially the opening theme by one Nancy Sinatra, and the overly obvious product placement is a hoot. Yes, there is more a ton of sex, and the explicit content may turn off the casual viewer. I like a good comedy as much as the next guy, but Stephens went for the shock laugh and couldn't get me to smile. Also, for a big loud spoof, not much is spoofed.
"Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild" is like all the really dirty parts of all of John Waters' films gathered together without any context or story. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild!" on Amazon here*
Saturday, June 8, 2024
Annie, Are You Okay?: "Annie Hall" (1977)
Yep, this is it. The film that beat "Star Wars" for the Best Picture Oscar for the year 1977. After seeing all five Best Picture nominees (the others were "Julia," "The Goodbye Girl," and "The Turning Point") for that year, "Annie Hall" is the worst of them.
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) lives in New York and falls in love with Annie Hall (Diane Keaton). Their romance affects his friendships, his life, and his career as a comedian. Alvy begins looking for parallels between Annie and his two ex-wives, waiting to see what will go wrong here as well. The couple never seem right for each other, as Annie comes into her own.
While Allen can certainly write and direct a film, his screenplay here is a disappointment. Allen jumps back and forth in time, but without a reason. Maybe the flash and whistles were to cover the fact that the basic romance between Annie and Alvy is as compelling as watching paint dry. I did not care about these two people because Allen did not give me any reason to. The cast is certainly funny and charming, but that is a credit to the actors more than the material. The film plays like a series of Allen's best ideas, full of gut wrenching laughs. Come on, his grandmother never gave him anything because she was too busy getting raped by the Cossacks? Annie's family's reaction to the Jewish Alvy is also classic. The film is full of "classic moments" that are wonderful when taken separately, but fail in the overall feel of the film- my identical reaction to "There's Something About Mary." I kept getting this odd feeling that "Annie Hall" was trying to deceive me, like a bait and switch. You go in expecting at least a classic romantic comedy, instead you get the comedy and no desire to see these two people together in the end.
"Annie Hall" is one of the more average films in the Woody Allen filmography. You can spot themes that he will revisit time and time again. My two favorite films of his at the point I saw this were "Take the Money and Run" and "Radio Days." My two least favorite films of his were "September" and "Alice." "Annie Hall" falls right in the middle- simply average. (* * *) out of five stars
*Get a physical copy of "Annie Hall" on Amazon here*
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) lives in New York and falls in love with Annie Hall (Diane Keaton). Their romance affects his friendships, his life, and his career as a comedian. Alvy begins looking for parallels between Annie and his two ex-wives, waiting to see what will go wrong here as well. The couple never seem right for each other, as Annie comes into her own.
While Allen can certainly write and direct a film, his screenplay here is a disappointment. Allen jumps back and forth in time, but without a reason. Maybe the flash and whistles were to cover the fact that the basic romance between Annie and Alvy is as compelling as watching paint dry. I did not care about these two people because Allen did not give me any reason to. The cast is certainly funny and charming, but that is a credit to the actors more than the material. The film plays like a series of Allen's best ideas, full of gut wrenching laughs. Come on, his grandmother never gave him anything because she was too busy getting raped by the Cossacks? Annie's family's reaction to the Jewish Alvy is also classic. The film is full of "classic moments" that are wonderful when taken separately, but fail in the overall feel of the film- my identical reaction to "There's Something About Mary." I kept getting this odd feeling that "Annie Hall" was trying to deceive me, like a bait and switch. You go in expecting at least a classic romantic comedy, instead you get the comedy and no desire to see these two people together in the end.
"Annie Hall" is one of the more average films in the Woody Allen filmography. You can spot themes that he will revisit time and time again. My two favorite films of his at the point I saw this were "Take the Money and Run" and "Radio Days." My two least favorite films of his were "September" and "Alice." "Annie Hall" falls right in the middle- simply average. (* * *) out of five stars
*Get a physical copy of "Annie Hall" on Amazon here*
Garbo Garbles: "Anna Christie" (1930)
"The first film that Greta Garbo spoke in" is the only reason this old chestnut should be sought out.
Based on the play by Eugene O'Neill, New York City-based drunk barge captain Chris (George F. Marion) waits for his long lost daughter Anna (Greta Garbo) to arrive. He dumps equally drunk galpal Marthy (Marie Dressler), and Anna arrives and joins Chris on the barge circuit, and Chris loves having his daughter around. Anna begins to warm up to the father she has not seen in fifteen years, but she also has a deep dark secret. She was not working as a nurse back in St. Paul, she ran away from some amorous cousins on the farm and ended up in a brothel. Anna and Chris rescue shipwrecked Irish sailor Matt (Charles Bickford), and Matt and Anna soon fall in love. There is no love lost between Matt and Chris, as both are protective of their good little girl. Marthy shows up long enough to make Anna feel guilty about her soiled past as Matt decides on a future with Anna.
Filmed in 1930, this movie does not move well. The script's origins are obviously stage bound, and Brown's direction never gets very imaginative unless he is allowed to take his camera out of the set. Nice scenes include Anna and Matt's date at the carnival, and a storm scene. Also interesting is seeing the New York City skyline of generations ago. Frances Marion's script bogs down in slow scenes with bad pacing. Garbo succumbs to theatrical acting, constantly grasping her hair and trying to wear her emotions on her sleeves. Bickford is okay as Matt, although he sometimes seems more concerned with getting his Irish accent right as opposed to understanding what his lines mean. Dressler plays Marthy for laughs, although she is more sad than humorous. The early sound technology is horrible, and all the European accents are very difficult to understand. Brown also tries some backscreening processes that fail miserably. This leaves George F. Marion as Anna's father, and he is incredible. He originated the role on Broadway, and played him in a silent film version, but his performance is fresh and likable. He is so comfortable as Chris, he makes the characterization effortless, as opposed to the often hysterical overacting of the rest of the cast. Eugene O'Neill has been filmed better, check out John Ford's "The Long Voyage Home." The idea of a sullied woman trying to escape her past has been done before, and better.
"Anna Christie" should be avoided, unless you are a big Garbo fan, or would like to see Marion turn in one of the most underrated film performances of the 1930's. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Anna Christie" on Amazon here*
Based on the play by Eugene O'Neill, New York City-based drunk barge captain Chris (George F. Marion) waits for his long lost daughter Anna (Greta Garbo) to arrive. He dumps equally drunk galpal Marthy (Marie Dressler), and Anna arrives and joins Chris on the barge circuit, and Chris loves having his daughter around. Anna begins to warm up to the father she has not seen in fifteen years, but she also has a deep dark secret. She was not working as a nurse back in St. Paul, she ran away from some amorous cousins on the farm and ended up in a brothel. Anna and Chris rescue shipwrecked Irish sailor Matt (Charles Bickford), and Matt and Anna soon fall in love. There is no love lost between Matt and Chris, as both are protective of their good little girl. Marthy shows up long enough to make Anna feel guilty about her soiled past as Matt decides on a future with Anna.
Filmed in 1930, this movie does not move well. The script's origins are obviously stage bound, and Brown's direction never gets very imaginative unless he is allowed to take his camera out of the set. Nice scenes include Anna and Matt's date at the carnival, and a storm scene. Also interesting is seeing the New York City skyline of generations ago. Frances Marion's script bogs down in slow scenes with bad pacing. Garbo succumbs to theatrical acting, constantly grasping her hair and trying to wear her emotions on her sleeves. Bickford is okay as Matt, although he sometimes seems more concerned with getting his Irish accent right as opposed to understanding what his lines mean. Dressler plays Marthy for laughs, although she is more sad than humorous. The early sound technology is horrible, and all the European accents are very difficult to understand. Brown also tries some backscreening processes that fail miserably. This leaves George F. Marion as Anna's father, and he is incredible. He originated the role on Broadway, and played him in a silent film version, but his performance is fresh and likable. He is so comfortable as Chris, he makes the characterization effortless, as opposed to the often hysterical overacting of the rest of the cast. Eugene O'Neill has been filmed better, check out John Ford's "The Long Voyage Home." The idea of a sullied woman trying to escape her past has been done before, and better.
"Anna Christie" should be avoided, unless you are a big Garbo fan, or would like to see Marion turn in one of the most underrated film performances of the 1930's. (* *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Anna Christie" on Amazon here*
The World According to Bauji: "Ankhon Dekhi" (2013)
Deciding to reject everything you have assumed in life, and only believing what you experience physically, is a strange way to live. Is the Earth round? Maybe, but you only see flatness. Is there a God? Perhaps, but where are the miracles? Rajat Kapoor gives us an entertaining story of one man's rejection of his own world.
Bauji (Sanjay Mishra) is the patriarch of his crowded household that includes his wife Amma (Seema Pahwa) and children, as well as his brother's family. After his daughter Rita (Maya Sarao) is forbidden to see her new boyfriend Ajju (Namit Das), Bauji and his friends decide to go to the young lothario's home to rough him up and keep him from his daughter. What they find at Ajju's house is a nice young man terrified that these men have forced their way in and want to harm him. Bauji is changed by this. Ajju is nothing like he was told, and Bauji decides from then on he will only believe what he can see and experience personally. His family is thrown into tumult as he quits his job as a travel agent- how can he book passengers to fly to cities he has never seen?, and eventually acquires a group of followers. They sit around his house, and quiz him, first to laugh at him, then to learn from him. Chacha (Rajat Kapoor), Bauji's brother, moves out, and a rift develops as Bauji uses his new philosophy trying to solve everyday problems like his son who is flunking math, and another family member who is suddenly in debt to a gambling house.
Kapoor writes, directs, and costars in this nice little fable. It rarely goes outside of the family's small group of rooms, but Kapoor does a great job of keeping things moving. In fact, this could easily be adapted to play on the stage, the themes are universal, and many observers will be able to relate to Bauji. Sanjay Mishra is wonderful as Bauji. He is soft-spoken, and as an actor, he doesn't call attention to his character by chewing the scenery or stealing scenes. The progression of his mocking, then worshipping, disciples is nicely handled. There are light touches mixed with the pathos, although some of the subplots wander in their own direction and get lost. Kapoor's screenplay lurches off the narrative path here and there. I could see a Hollywood remake of this going the goofball comedy route, so Kapoor should be applauded for digging deeper, and not insulting the viewer's intelligence with dumb situations.
"Ankhon Dekhi (Before My Eyes)" is definitely worth a look. This is one of those films that you are sad to see end (in a memorable climax), but Bauji and his outlook will stick with you. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Ankhon Dekhi" on Amazon here*
Bauji (Sanjay Mishra) is the patriarch of his crowded household that includes his wife Amma (Seema Pahwa) and children, as well as his brother's family. After his daughter Rita (Maya Sarao) is forbidden to see her new boyfriend Ajju (Namit Das), Bauji and his friends decide to go to the young lothario's home to rough him up and keep him from his daughter. What they find at Ajju's house is a nice young man terrified that these men have forced their way in and want to harm him. Bauji is changed by this. Ajju is nothing like he was told, and Bauji decides from then on he will only believe what he can see and experience personally. His family is thrown into tumult as he quits his job as a travel agent- how can he book passengers to fly to cities he has never seen?, and eventually acquires a group of followers. They sit around his house, and quiz him, first to laugh at him, then to learn from him. Chacha (Rajat Kapoor), Bauji's brother, moves out, and a rift develops as Bauji uses his new philosophy trying to solve everyday problems like his son who is flunking math, and another family member who is suddenly in debt to a gambling house.
Kapoor writes, directs, and costars in this nice little fable. It rarely goes outside of the family's small group of rooms, but Kapoor does a great job of keeping things moving. In fact, this could easily be adapted to play on the stage, the themes are universal, and many observers will be able to relate to Bauji. Sanjay Mishra is wonderful as Bauji. He is soft-spoken, and as an actor, he doesn't call attention to his character by chewing the scenery or stealing scenes. The progression of his mocking, then worshipping, disciples is nicely handled. There are light touches mixed with the pathos, although some of the subplots wander in their own direction and get lost. Kapoor's screenplay lurches off the narrative path here and there. I could see a Hollywood remake of this going the goofball comedy route, so Kapoor should be applauded for digging deeper, and not insulting the viewer's intelligence with dumb situations.
"Ankhon Dekhi (Before My Eyes)" is definitely worth a look. This is one of those films that you are sad to see end (in a memorable climax), but Bauji and his outlook will stick with you. (* * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Ankhon Dekhi" on Amazon here*
Animal In-STINKS (tee-hee): "Animal Instincts III" (1996)
Joanna (Alexander Keith as Wendy Schumacher) is a world renowned best selling author/sex expert. She is very famous, but still finds time to entertain the little people by having sex in public places with total strangers thanks to her chronic exhibitionism. She meets Alex (James Matthew), the world renowned blind record producer/knife thrower. Do you see the irony? An exhibitionist is dating a blind man! Don't the possibilities stun you? I am not giving anything away here, but Alex's blindness is fake, he is playing mind games with Joanna because...well, I don't know why and you won't care. Making Alex's character a record producer means Joanna gets to bed a bunch of musician stereotypes right in front of Alex, never questioning his poorly played infirmity.
Gregory Dark, renowned porn creator and Britney Spears' former music video director, brings little visual flair to the stupid script. The screenwriter tries to say something about the state of relationships, but his thought-provoking lines are delivered by actors who wouldn't get a callback for a kindergarten pageant about the importance of brushing your teeth. Also known as "Animal Instincts- The Seductress," this also lacks Shannon Whirry of the first two "Animal Instincts" films, replacing her with pouty Schumacher. Slight film, slight review. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Instincts III" on Amazon here*
Gregory Dark, renowned porn creator and Britney Spears' former music video director, brings little visual flair to the stupid script. The screenwriter tries to say something about the state of relationships, but his thought-provoking lines are delivered by actors who wouldn't get a callback for a kindergarten pageant about the importance of brushing your teeth. Also known as "Animal Instincts- The Seductress," this also lacks Shannon Whirry of the first two "Animal Instincts" films, replacing her with pouty Schumacher. Slight film, slight review. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Instincts III" on Amazon here*
Everyone Should Buy This Farm: "Animal Farm" (1954)
Based on the novel by George Orwell, this animated film is for adults and means just as much now as it did when released in the mid 1950's.
Manor Farm is run by the often drunk Farmer Jones. The neglected farm animals revolt, thanks to the inspiring words of an old hog, who dies and becomes a sudden martyr. The remaining animals adopt some simple rules, and get along swimmingly. Eventually, the animal utopia begins to crumble. The remaining pigs, led by the tyrannical Napoleon, begin taking advantage of the others' hard work. They dispatch enemies as needed, but still have enough power to rally the troops to fight off a violent invasion by Jones and his drinking buddies. As the pigs begin trading with a shady businessman from the outside world, the animals finally come to their senses and do what they should have done long ago.
Finally, an animated film for adults that actually challenges the viewer to think. No Disney-like cute factor, no songs by aging white British rockers, this is a fascinating film. Orwell's book was written as a lambast against communism, fascism, and dictatorships in general, yet many of the pigs' selfish actions could be applied to modern government today. In the United States, we get upset at every mention of pork barrel (ironic) spending, yet we send our representatives back year after year because it is always some other state or district's politician who is causing the trouble. "Animal Farm" illustrates in simple, yet not dumbed down terms, the way power corrupts, especially by those whose motives seem so sincere to begin with.
"Animal Farm" is important, entertaining, and thought provoking. I would match this up against anything Disney has released in the past century. Yes, their audience goals are different, but as adults, it is nice to have something besides anime aimed at our heads. Great film. (* * * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Farm" on Amazon here*
Manor Farm is run by the often drunk Farmer Jones. The neglected farm animals revolt, thanks to the inspiring words of an old hog, who dies and becomes a sudden martyr. The remaining animals adopt some simple rules, and get along swimmingly. Eventually, the animal utopia begins to crumble. The remaining pigs, led by the tyrannical Napoleon, begin taking advantage of the others' hard work. They dispatch enemies as needed, but still have enough power to rally the troops to fight off a violent invasion by Jones and his drinking buddies. As the pigs begin trading with a shady businessman from the outside world, the animals finally come to their senses and do what they should have done long ago.
Finally, an animated film for adults that actually challenges the viewer to think. No Disney-like cute factor, no songs by aging white British rockers, this is a fascinating film. Orwell's book was written as a lambast against communism, fascism, and dictatorships in general, yet many of the pigs' selfish actions could be applied to modern government today. In the United States, we get upset at every mention of pork barrel (ironic) spending, yet we send our representatives back year after year because it is always some other state or district's politician who is causing the trouble. "Animal Farm" illustrates in simple, yet not dumbed down terms, the way power corrupts, especially by those whose motives seem so sincere to begin with.
"Animal Farm" is important, entertaining, and thought provoking. I would match this up against anything Disney has released in the past century. Yes, their audience goals are different, but as adults, it is nice to have something besides anime aimed at our heads. Great film. (* * * * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Farm" on Amazon here*
Monday, June 3, 2024
Mental Indigestion: "Animal Charm: Golden Digest" (1996)
I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Broadcasting. Back in college, we used to have to sit and watch video projects from other Broadcasting students. Most of these, including my one and only foray into music video directing, were awful. It's nice to see Jim Fetterley and Rich Bott made one of their own terrible pieces of video and turned it into an undeserved career.
"Animal Charm: Golden Digest" is almost impossible to explain, and watch. Fetterley and Bott have taken old VHS footage from a variety of sources like training videos and infomercials, and combined them into a montage that runs ninety-six minutes. You might be thinking, as I did, "oh, cool, a bunch of bad videos edited together in a fun and watchable way!" You, and I, would be wrong.
While I am not sure what these guys' final outcome was supposed to be, I can say that what is on the screen is not good. The clips have a random order to them. There is no rhyme or reason to the collection, and the occasional titles to the clips do not help. Were Fetterley and Bott serious, trying to make a statement about our screen-centric society? Well, they failed. Were they trying to make a wacky collection, going for laughs? Failed again. I wanted to shut this off seven minutes in because it made me sad, and I knew I still had an hour and a half of this to go. Here's a prime example of what almost worked: in one scene, footage involving Q-Tips is edited together. One shot shows a cotton swab going into a person's nostril, then pulled out. The next shot shows a swab cleaning a cat's ear, and finally another shot has a swab being used on what looks like a container of bacteria, before looking like it's going back into the person's nose. I actually laughed, and thought that the film makers finally came up with a joke and punchline. Then, the video process repeated itself again and again and again. Any humor was lost. The entire DVD is like that- a nonsensical looping of snippets that instantly bore. You'd sleep, but the annoying audio samplings and music will make your eardrums rupture. This officially marked the last time I rented a disc from Netflix's old Independent- Experimental list.
All you film makers out there, and former Broadcasting students who are not using their degrees (like me) and want a way back in (not like me), try what Fetterley and Bott failed at. The disc will inspire you to scour the thrift stores in search of all those VHS tapes, and I'm betting you could put together something funnier and more entertaining- but if you have a song like "Sunshine Kitty" that you are dying to perform, then stop. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Charm: Golden Digest" on Amazon here*
"Animal Charm: Golden Digest" is almost impossible to explain, and watch. Fetterley and Bott have taken old VHS footage from a variety of sources like training videos and infomercials, and combined them into a montage that runs ninety-six minutes. You might be thinking, as I did, "oh, cool, a bunch of bad videos edited together in a fun and watchable way!" You, and I, would be wrong.
While I am not sure what these guys' final outcome was supposed to be, I can say that what is on the screen is not good. The clips have a random order to them. There is no rhyme or reason to the collection, and the occasional titles to the clips do not help. Were Fetterley and Bott serious, trying to make a statement about our screen-centric society? Well, they failed. Were they trying to make a wacky collection, going for laughs? Failed again. I wanted to shut this off seven minutes in because it made me sad, and I knew I still had an hour and a half of this to go. Here's a prime example of what almost worked: in one scene, footage involving Q-Tips is edited together. One shot shows a cotton swab going into a person's nostril, then pulled out. The next shot shows a swab cleaning a cat's ear, and finally another shot has a swab being used on what looks like a container of bacteria, before looking like it's going back into the person's nose. I actually laughed, and thought that the film makers finally came up with a joke and punchline. Then, the video process repeated itself again and again and again. Any humor was lost. The entire DVD is like that- a nonsensical looping of snippets that instantly bore. You'd sleep, but the annoying audio samplings and music will make your eardrums rupture. This officially marked the last time I rented a disc from Netflix's old Independent- Experimental list.
All you film makers out there, and former Broadcasting students who are not using their degrees (like me) and want a way back in (not like me), try what Fetterley and Bott failed at. The disc will inspire you to scour the thrift stores in search of all those VHS tapes, and I'm betting you could put together something funnier and more entertaining- but if you have a song like "Sunshine Kitty" that you are dying to perform, then stop. (*) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal Charm: Golden Digest" on Amazon here*
'I've Killed 33 People, and You Can Only Kill Me Once': "Conversations With a Killer: The John Wayne Gacy Tapes" (2022)
Coming a year after the documentary mini-series "John Wayne Gacy: Devil in Disguise," director Joe Berlinger and his "Conversations with a Killer" series looks at the life and capture of John Wayne Gacy, and suffers from over-familiarity if you are a true crime documentary viewer. Starting with taped conversations made between Gacy and a member of his legal team, this mini-series concentrates on the search for Gacy's last victim, Robert Piest, while jumping back in time to cover his life and previous run-ins with the law. Both sides of the trial proceedings are interviewed, as are some of Gacy's associates and victims' relatives.
Gacy was a monster, and his crime spree still affects thousands of people to this very day. The victims's stories should be told again and again. However, this mini-series covers the same ground as other documentaries, and aside from a few factoids, doesn't offer up anything new. As true crime documentaries gain in popularity, these "Conversations with a Killer" series seem stagnant and sometimes exploitative. It does try to redeem itself with a coda about the victims, but I am still waiting on a documentary solely about the victims, and/or a no-holds barred dramatization of Gacy's life and crimes. Getting Gacy's children or step-daughters, he was married twice, to talk on camera would also be a major coup. "Conversations with a Killer: The John Wayne Gacy Tapes" is adequate at covering the serial killer, but I would definitely recommend you seek out "John Wayne Gacy: Devil in Disguise" over this. (* * *) out of five stars.
Rated TV-MA, contains mild physical violence, profanity, nudity, some sexual content, very strong sexual references, very strong adult situations, some drug abuse references, alcohol and tobacco use.
*Get a physical copy of Boys Enter the House: The Victims of John Wayne Gacy and the Lives They Left Behind by David Nelson*
Gacy was a monster, and his crime spree still affects thousands of people to this very day. The victims's stories should be told again and again. However, this mini-series covers the same ground as other documentaries, and aside from a few factoids, doesn't offer up anything new. As true crime documentaries gain in popularity, these "Conversations with a Killer" series seem stagnant and sometimes exploitative. It does try to redeem itself with a coda about the victims, but I am still waiting on a documentary solely about the victims, and/or a no-holds barred dramatization of Gacy's life and crimes. Getting Gacy's children or step-daughters, he was married twice, to talk on camera would also be a major coup. "Conversations with a Killer: The John Wayne Gacy Tapes" is adequate at covering the serial killer, but I would definitely recommend you seek out "John Wayne Gacy: Devil in Disguise" over this. (* * *) out of five stars.
Rated TV-MA, contains mild physical violence, profanity, nudity, some sexual content, very strong sexual references, very strong adult situations, some drug abuse references, alcohol and tobacco use.
*Get a physical copy of Boys Enter the House: The Victims of John Wayne Gacy and the Lives They Left Behind by David Nelson*
Damn Dahmer: "Conversations With a Killer: The Jeffrey Dahmer Tapes" (2022)
Acclaimed director Joe Berlinger delivers another entry in his "Conversations with a Killer" series. This time, the audio tapes covered are interviews conducted between lawyer Wendy Patrickus and murderer Jeffrey Dahmer. Patrickus is interviewed in the present, talking about her reactions to being a very young, female lawyer interviewing one of the most notorious serial killers in this country's history- it's a sad commentary on today's society to type a statement like "...one of the most notorious serial killers in this country's history," and I am writing this review a few days after the arrest of Rex Heuermann for the Gilgo Beach killings.
Berlinger jumps back and forth in time, covering Dahmer's upbringing and then skipping forward to his arrest and incarceration. The usual lawyers, reporters, and psychiatrists are trotted out, with the most effective interviews being with Patrickus, friends of some of the victims (one of whom was a suspect in his friend's killing), a neighbor, and a childhood friend of Dahmer. There is a ton of news footage of the aftermath, and hearing Dahmer's monotone voice on the audio tape is chilling.
Once again, this effort seems a little stagnant, a special effect shot of the inner workings of a miniature tape recorder is trotted out way too many times, but the many failures by "the system" to catch Dahmer makes for compelling viewing. Dahmer's murderous timing is also highlighted, as he killed within a homosexual community already being decimated by AIDS, and the vanishing of friends was a fact of life. I agree wholeheartedly with Patrickus- Dahmer should not have been released into the general prison population, and should have been watched much more closely before his own murder. We shouldn't be celebrating the person and his crimes, I'll never understand the underground murderabilia industry, but we should be studying these people to try and make sure it won't happen again, and in some cases, to bring closure to families. Dahmer's first victim was "missing" for thirteen years before his family found out what happened to him. Dahmer was arrested for sexually assaulting one teenage boy, and then purely by chance, ended up killing that victim's brother years later in the now infamous situation where the police returned the escaped murder victim to Dahmer's apartment.
I don't know how many more "...Tapes" true crime documentaries we're going to get, but I'm sure there's more out there. They suffer from the same complaint I have for most of them- skip interviewing the reporters on the story, and track down the victims' families. It's terrible that names like Gacy, Manson, and Dahmer are household names, but naming more than a handful of non-famous victims is difficult. I realize that people like Gacy's and Manson's children probably don't want the notoriety, but even if it isn't wrapped up in a streaming documentary series, we could learn so much from those who were closest to the murderers and their victims. We've seen books from Dahmer's father, Gacy's sister, and Dennis Rader's daughter, among others, and this is important material to learn from. Also, although not in Dahmer's case, there are literally hundreds of unknown victims out there, and talking to these murderers should bring closure to families and friends as well. Over four decades after they were killed, FIVE of Gacy's victims haven't been identified. Serial killers Rodney Alcala and William Richard Bradford took tons of photographs of people (Dahmer used to pay men to photograph them before he killed them) who have never been identified and may or may not have been victims. Alcala and Bradford are long dead, their true number of victims never known.
I do appreciate these documentaries being unsalacious as opposed to some basic cable television shows and YouTube true crime videos. It's ironic that we think of ourselves as a technologically advanced, highbrow society, and then wallow in lowbrow, exploitative material about serial killers. We need to learn from this, not enjoy it. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of A Father's Story by Lionel Dahmer on Amazon here*
Berlinger jumps back and forth in time, covering Dahmer's upbringing and then skipping forward to his arrest and incarceration. The usual lawyers, reporters, and psychiatrists are trotted out, with the most effective interviews being with Patrickus, friends of some of the victims (one of whom was a suspect in his friend's killing), a neighbor, and a childhood friend of Dahmer. There is a ton of news footage of the aftermath, and hearing Dahmer's monotone voice on the audio tape is chilling.
Once again, this effort seems a little stagnant, a special effect shot of the inner workings of a miniature tape recorder is trotted out way too many times, but the many failures by "the system" to catch Dahmer makes for compelling viewing. Dahmer's murderous timing is also highlighted, as he killed within a homosexual community already being decimated by AIDS, and the vanishing of friends was a fact of life. I agree wholeheartedly with Patrickus- Dahmer should not have been released into the general prison population, and should have been watched much more closely before his own murder. We shouldn't be celebrating the person and his crimes, I'll never understand the underground murderabilia industry, but we should be studying these people to try and make sure it won't happen again, and in some cases, to bring closure to families. Dahmer's first victim was "missing" for thirteen years before his family found out what happened to him. Dahmer was arrested for sexually assaulting one teenage boy, and then purely by chance, ended up killing that victim's brother years later in the now infamous situation where the police returned the escaped murder victim to Dahmer's apartment.
I don't know how many more "...Tapes" true crime documentaries we're going to get, but I'm sure there's more out there. They suffer from the same complaint I have for most of them- skip interviewing the reporters on the story, and track down the victims' families. It's terrible that names like Gacy, Manson, and Dahmer are household names, but naming more than a handful of non-famous victims is difficult. I realize that people like Gacy's and Manson's children probably don't want the notoriety, but even if it isn't wrapped up in a streaming documentary series, we could learn so much from those who were closest to the murderers and their victims. We've seen books from Dahmer's father, Gacy's sister, and Dennis Rader's daughter, among others, and this is important material to learn from. Also, although not in Dahmer's case, there are literally hundreds of unknown victims out there, and talking to these murderers should bring closure to families and friends as well. Over four decades after they were killed, FIVE of Gacy's victims haven't been identified. Serial killers Rodney Alcala and William Richard Bradford took tons of photographs of people (Dahmer used to pay men to photograph them before he killed them) who have never been identified and may or may not have been victims. Alcala and Bradford are long dead, their true number of victims never known.
I do appreciate these documentaries being unsalacious as opposed to some basic cable television shows and YouTube true crime videos. It's ironic that we think of ourselves as a technologically advanced, highbrow society, and then wallow in lowbrow, exploitative material about serial killers. We need to learn from this, not enjoy it. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of A Father's Story by Lionel Dahmer on Amazon here*
Sunday, June 2, 2024
Uniparty Like It's the Fall of the American Empire: "Bush's Brain" (2004)
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I feel any potential viewer should be warned before watching this film. Sit down, take a deep breath- here goes: politics is a dirty business.
Reporters James C. Moore and Wayne Slater wrote a book entitled Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential. This documentary covers the same ground, how ruthless evil genius Karl Rove got George W. Bush, the spoiled son of a former president who is unable to put one foot in front of the other and form a comprehensive sentence yet is the mastermind behind everything from 9/11 to the milk going bad in my refrigerator, President. The film makers reenact Karl Rove typing a thirty page e-mail disputing the book -only a couple of those passages get into the film, the ones where Rove is wrong- while everyone who has ever been associated with Rove is trotted out with their sob stories. Rove has done a lot of unorthodox, and perhaps illegal, things over the years to get his clients elected. The film makers can do nothing more than allege his activities, since Rove certainly is not going to admit he planted a listening device in his own office during a Texas governor campaign just to get more votes for his candidate. We hear of Rove and George W. Bush's friendship, Rove's coaching of his candidate, negative ads against Georgia senator Max Cleland, Robert Novak's outing of a former friend's CIA agent wife (anyone remember THAT story?), all played to some bland music by Michelle Shocked and David Friedman. The film ends with footage of a Nevada family mourning the death of their son in Iraq, which is Rove's fault, too, if you follow the big flashing dotted lines drawn by Moore and Slater.
Here's the problem (and yes, if this film was called "Clinton's Brain," and dealt with James Carville or Hillary Clinton, I would have the same reaction). Rove coached George W. on how to be more political? Horrors! No candidate has ever been coached in the history of the United States, ever! Rove resorts to dirty tricks and lying to get his candidate elected? Say it ain't so! No candidate has ever spoken a false word to get into office! Throughout the segment on Joseph Wilson's CIA agent wife, no one thinks to question why Robert Novak did not put that story to rest and reveal his source.
I have seen Wayne Slater before in the film "Journeys with George," an "unbiased" look at Bush's first presidential campaign, directed by Nancy Pelosi's daughter. In that film, Slater certainly loves the limelight after grunt reporting for so many years on George W. Bush and the other reporters on the press bus in that film realize this, pointing it out to Pelosi and the viewer (the Uniparty has been around for decades, if not centuries). In this film, Slater is our gallant hero, showing Karl Rove for the maniacal menace that he is. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but the film makers come down on the anti-Rove side so often with so little back up, that it began to get silly- mentioning a half dozen times that Max Cleland lost an arm and both legs in Vietnam more than makes its point. Showing the negative ad that perhaps cost Cleland the election three times loses its effectiveness. Watching Cleland whine about all the money the Republicans had to get rid of him is sour grapes. Not showing Cleland's response to the negative ad, or any of his own negative ads, is bias because then Cleland would be responsible for his own loss.
Rove beat up on John McCain in the 2000 primaries, as a bitter McCain campaign worker will tell you, but the film makers ignore the fact that McCain actively campaigned for Bush then, and four years later. Obviously, he was readying for his own disastrous presidential campaign that was flubbed in order to install the Chosen One (it's so strange to have voter's remorse over most of my ballot box choices after all these years).
In one of the DVD's deleted scenes, a former Bush opponent in Texas expresses awe that this president had never been to Europe until he was elected to national office. Presidential candidates from Congress (like John Kerry?) are better qualified, he states, since they see issues in a national light, not the narrow focus of governing a single state. Bill Clinton was the governor of an even smaller state than Bush's, and went to Europe to avoid the draft for the Vietnam War (where Max Cleland lost an arm and both legs!), but then again this film is all about Bush and Rove. Kerry nowadays travels to Europe on board private jets to preach the climate change gospel, but don't you dare question his activities or motives, plebe.
Except for the footage about the fallen Marine's family in Nevada, this was a whiny attempt to bring down a president through one of his inner circle, blaming the country's problems on a nerdy star high school debater who went on to become the president's closest adviser. Much mud is flung, some of it sticks, but in the end it will join the ranks of other forgotten anti-"insert candidate's name here" films once the election is over. The Deep State will make sure of that. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Bush's Brain" on Amazon here*
*Get a physical copy of Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential by James C. Moore and Wayne Slater on Amazon here*
Reporters James C. Moore and Wayne Slater wrote a book entitled Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential. This documentary covers the same ground, how ruthless evil genius Karl Rove got George W. Bush, the spoiled son of a former president who is unable to put one foot in front of the other and form a comprehensive sentence yet is the mastermind behind everything from 9/11 to the milk going bad in my refrigerator, President. The film makers reenact Karl Rove typing a thirty page e-mail disputing the book -only a couple of those passages get into the film, the ones where Rove is wrong- while everyone who has ever been associated with Rove is trotted out with their sob stories. Rove has done a lot of unorthodox, and perhaps illegal, things over the years to get his clients elected. The film makers can do nothing more than allege his activities, since Rove certainly is not going to admit he planted a listening device in his own office during a Texas governor campaign just to get more votes for his candidate. We hear of Rove and George W. Bush's friendship, Rove's coaching of his candidate, negative ads against Georgia senator Max Cleland, Robert Novak's outing of a former friend's CIA agent wife (anyone remember THAT story?), all played to some bland music by Michelle Shocked and David Friedman. The film ends with footage of a Nevada family mourning the death of their son in Iraq, which is Rove's fault, too, if you follow the big flashing dotted lines drawn by Moore and Slater.
Here's the problem (and yes, if this film was called "Clinton's Brain," and dealt with James Carville or Hillary Clinton, I would have the same reaction). Rove coached George W. on how to be more political? Horrors! No candidate has ever been coached in the history of the United States, ever! Rove resorts to dirty tricks and lying to get his candidate elected? Say it ain't so! No candidate has ever spoken a false word to get into office! Throughout the segment on Joseph Wilson's CIA agent wife, no one thinks to question why Robert Novak did not put that story to rest and reveal his source.
I have seen Wayne Slater before in the film "Journeys with George," an "unbiased" look at Bush's first presidential campaign, directed by Nancy Pelosi's daughter. In that film, Slater certainly loves the limelight after grunt reporting for so many years on George W. Bush and the other reporters on the press bus in that film realize this, pointing it out to Pelosi and the viewer (the Uniparty has been around for decades, if not centuries). In this film, Slater is our gallant hero, showing Karl Rove for the maniacal menace that he is. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but the film makers come down on the anti-Rove side so often with so little back up, that it began to get silly- mentioning a half dozen times that Max Cleland lost an arm and both legs in Vietnam more than makes its point. Showing the negative ad that perhaps cost Cleland the election three times loses its effectiveness. Watching Cleland whine about all the money the Republicans had to get rid of him is sour grapes. Not showing Cleland's response to the negative ad, or any of his own negative ads, is bias because then Cleland would be responsible for his own loss.
Rove beat up on John McCain in the 2000 primaries, as a bitter McCain campaign worker will tell you, but the film makers ignore the fact that McCain actively campaigned for Bush then, and four years later. Obviously, he was readying for his own disastrous presidential campaign that was flubbed in order to install the Chosen One (it's so strange to have voter's remorse over most of my ballot box choices after all these years).
In one of the DVD's deleted scenes, a former Bush opponent in Texas expresses awe that this president had never been to Europe until he was elected to national office. Presidential candidates from Congress (like John Kerry?) are better qualified, he states, since they see issues in a national light, not the narrow focus of governing a single state. Bill Clinton was the governor of an even smaller state than Bush's, and went to Europe to avoid the draft for the Vietnam War (where Max Cleland lost an arm and both legs!), but then again this film is all about Bush and Rove. Kerry nowadays travels to Europe on board private jets to preach the climate change gospel, but don't you dare question his activities or motives, plebe.
Except for the footage about the fallen Marine's family in Nevada, this was a whiny attempt to bring down a president through one of his inner circle, blaming the country's problems on a nerdy star high school debater who went on to become the president's closest adviser. Much mud is flung, some of it sticks, but in the end it will join the ranks of other forgotten anti-"insert candidate's name here" films once the election is over. The Deep State will make sure of that. (* 1/2) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Bush's Brain" on Amazon here*
*Get a physical copy of Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush Presidential by James C. Moore and Wayne Slater on Amazon here*
Saturday, June 1, 2024
Bracelet for Impact: "Cowboys & Aliens" (2011)
While the concept is a can't-miss, and the big-name cast is up for the challenge, this sci-fi/western wasn't a hit at the box office.
Jake (Daniel Craig) is an outlaw who wakes up in the New Mexico desert with his memory erased and a giant metal bracelet attached to his wrist. He does figure out that he is good with guns and fighting, and attracts the attention of the sheriff (Keith Carradine) in a local town. As a matter of fact, he attracts a lot of attention from the townsfolk after they are attacked by large flying machines that swipe up some of their family members and neighbors. Jake's bracelet is actually an advanced weapon, and a grudging partnership is developed between him and the local land baron Dollarhyde (Harrison Ford). A posse is formed to track down the kidnapped people, and they discover that something very strange is occurring out in the desert.
I remember when this was released and I was surprised at the lack of excitement for the film- then I finally watched it. The screenplay credit features half a dozen names, and director Jon Favreau is not exactly known for his emotionally resonating films. He is an expert technician, but many of his projects are missing a heart and soul. "Cowboys & Indians" is no exception. The cast is great, with Dano turning in a fantastic performance, but the script is bland and Favreau has his actors take the proceedings way to seriously. There's a strange agnostic/atheist subtext thrown into some scenes, which is fine if you believe that (as one character keeps apologizing), but a host of other social issues of the late 1800's American West aren't touched upon, so the subtext sticks out like a sore thumb- as does Brown's role as the pastor who only seems to exist in films like this.
"Cowboys & Aliens" is another example of film making by committee. It's technically proficient, looks fantastic, and features a musical score that works. It's also disposable and at times, soulless- a perfect example of "good enough." (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
MPA Rated (PG-13), contains physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, some adult situations, alcohol and drug use
*Get a physical copy of "Cowboys & Aliens" on Amazon here*
Jake (Daniel Craig) is an outlaw who wakes up in the New Mexico desert with his memory erased and a giant metal bracelet attached to his wrist. He does figure out that he is good with guns and fighting, and attracts the attention of the sheriff (Keith Carradine) in a local town. As a matter of fact, he attracts a lot of attention from the townsfolk after they are attacked by large flying machines that swipe up some of their family members and neighbors. Jake's bracelet is actually an advanced weapon, and a grudging partnership is developed between him and the local land baron Dollarhyde (Harrison Ford). A posse is formed to track down the kidnapped people, and they discover that something very strange is occurring out in the desert.
I remember when this was released and I was surprised at the lack of excitement for the film- then I finally watched it. The screenplay credit features half a dozen names, and director Jon Favreau is not exactly known for his emotionally resonating films. He is an expert technician, but many of his projects are missing a heart and soul. "Cowboys & Indians" is no exception. The cast is great, with Dano turning in a fantastic performance, but the script is bland and Favreau has his actors take the proceedings way to seriously. There's a strange agnostic/atheist subtext thrown into some scenes, which is fine if you believe that (as one character keeps apologizing), but a host of other social issues of the late 1800's American West aren't touched upon, so the subtext sticks out like a sore thumb- as does Brown's role as the pastor who only seems to exist in films like this.
"Cowboys & Aliens" is another example of film making by committee. It's technically proficient, looks fantastic, and features a musical score that works. It's also disposable and at times, soulless- a perfect example of "good enough." (* * * 1/2) out of five stars.
MPA Rated (PG-13), contains physical violence, strong gun violence, strong gore, profanity, some adult situations, alcohol and drug use
*Get a physical copy of "Cowboys & Aliens" on Amazon here*
When Animal Attacks!: "Animal" (2014)
Drew Barrymore is one of many executive producers in this typical monster-on-the-loose flick.
A group of friends, including step-siblings Jeff (Parker Young) and Alissa (Keke Palmer), head to the woods to show their prospective life-partners Mandy (Elizabeth Gillies) and Matt (Jeremy Sumpter) where they used to camp as kids. Along for the ride is poor fifth wheel/slight comic relief Sean (Paul Iacono). After getting caught in the boonies after dark, they are attacked by what seems to be a bear with male pattern baldness, fleeing to a cabin where three responsible adults are hiding out. Carl (Thorsten Kaye), his wife Vicky (Joey Lauren Adams) and boo-hiss villain Douglas (Amaury Nolasco) are waiting in the pre-barricaded abandoned cabin after Douglas' wife (Eve, in either a cameo, or a supporting role that was left on the cutting room floor) was eaten by the monster. Infighting and badly thought-out escape plans begin, as well as some eye-rolling secrets the group of friends decide to unload before trying to outrun the creature.
The script doesn't explain a lot- like why the cabin was already fortified, and the origin of the title character. Simmons' direction is nice, the scenes in the woods are beautifully shot, but once the characters get indoors, the flow slows. I liked that the cast of bait figure out some things about the creature, and whether the thing possesses higher intelligence, but that kind of analysis is interrupted by Douglas wandering around a loft delivering unintentionally funny we're-all-gonna-die speeches. Palmer and Gillies are better known for past sitcoms on Nickelodeon ("True Jackson, VP" and "Victorious," both of which had their hysterical moments), and they transitioned into these adult roles well. Palmer is saddled with the unfortunate theme song over the end credits, and Adams is given nothing to do, I forgot she was in the film until she would show up onscreen. The gore and monster effects are good- when you can see them. Simmons keeps his camera shaky in the attack scenes, so you don't get a very good idea of what we are dealing with. A couple of jump scares will startle you, but the monster isn't all that scary, despite what the screaming reactions and a bum-bum John Carpenter-esque musical score tell you. Two of the characters are given short monologues that you know were done during the audition process.
"Animal" is average, not the worst thing out there, the watchable cast definitely helps. (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal" on Amazon here*
A group of friends, including step-siblings Jeff (Parker Young) and Alissa (Keke Palmer), head to the woods to show their prospective life-partners Mandy (Elizabeth Gillies) and Matt (Jeremy Sumpter) where they used to camp as kids. Along for the ride is poor fifth wheel/slight comic relief Sean (Paul Iacono). After getting caught in the boonies after dark, they are attacked by what seems to be a bear with male pattern baldness, fleeing to a cabin where three responsible adults are hiding out. Carl (Thorsten Kaye), his wife Vicky (Joey Lauren Adams) and boo-hiss villain Douglas (Amaury Nolasco) are waiting in the pre-barricaded abandoned cabin after Douglas' wife (Eve, in either a cameo, or a supporting role that was left on the cutting room floor) was eaten by the monster. Infighting and badly thought-out escape plans begin, as well as some eye-rolling secrets the group of friends decide to unload before trying to outrun the creature.
The script doesn't explain a lot- like why the cabin was already fortified, and the origin of the title character. Simmons' direction is nice, the scenes in the woods are beautifully shot, but once the characters get indoors, the flow slows. I liked that the cast of bait figure out some things about the creature, and whether the thing possesses higher intelligence, but that kind of analysis is interrupted by Douglas wandering around a loft delivering unintentionally funny we're-all-gonna-die speeches. Palmer and Gillies are better known for past sitcoms on Nickelodeon ("True Jackson, VP" and "Victorious," both of which had their hysterical moments), and they transitioned into these adult roles well. Palmer is saddled with the unfortunate theme song over the end credits, and Adams is given nothing to do, I forgot she was in the film until she would show up onscreen. The gore and monster effects are good- when you can see them. Simmons keeps his camera shaky in the attack scenes, so you don't get a very good idea of what we are dealing with. A couple of jump scares will startle you, but the monster isn't all that scary, despite what the screaming reactions and a bum-bum John Carpenter-esque musical score tell you. Two of the characters are given short monologues that you know were done during the audition process.
"Animal" is average, not the worst thing out there, the watchable cast definitely helps. (* * *) out of five stars.
*Get a physical copy of "Animal" on Amazon here*
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